viewing my size

Aug 22, 2012

today I did something I haven't done in years. I bought a full length mirror. The problem with this is when I look into the mirror I still see a very fat woman looking back. In my minds eye I look fat as ever. I hope this will change, I know it is not healthy and have made a call to my therapist. Haven't seen her in a year but I think we need to talk about this. People tell
 me all the time that I really look good. In the back of my mind I think they are lying.
I went shopping and picked up a beautiful top on clearance for nine dollars that is once size smaller than I am now. I know that by the time Christmas comes around it should fit. I am a size 18 (XL) right now so why do I keep thinking I need to still be in the fat woman's store. Is it just habits are hard to break or I just can't seem to believe that I am not that fat person any more. i think I used that fat person to hide behind so long that it is hard to let go. It is scary not having that to hide behind anymore I sometimes feel very exposed. I will work it out because I am totally dedicated to the new me. Just have to get used to looking at her.  LOL

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