T minus one week and counting!

Jul 20, 2009

ok, so, today is exactly one week before my surgery.  the knots in my stomach increase with each passing day!! i'm a little nervous, but i think the knots can be attributed to anticipation more than anything else. it probably also has something to do with the x-factor.  that would be the unknown. all of the things to come that, regardless of what i read or what people tell me, i just won't expect or know exactly how to handle until i go through.

for instance the way i look.  this is the only me i've ever known. how in the world could i get used to seeing "someone else" in the mirror everyday?  what if one day i look like the type of girl i always wanted to look like and it goes to my head?  i laugh, but really, anything is possible.  i surely hope that's not the case.

also, there's a little bit of guilt.  i have friends my size who either want to have the surgery but can't, or don't want to have it, but are struggling to make the slightest bit of progess "the old fashioned way." what if they feel like i've changed and don't feel comfortable talking to me about the things we talk about now.  or if i don't feel comfortable sharing my weight loss victories with them because i don't want to make them feel bad.

what if people talk about the changes i'm going through or how i look because they were as used to the old me as i was? what if people say i've changed or i'm acting "brand new?" just so many different thoughts...so many what ifs.

regardless, i'm excited...i can't remember the last time i was this excited about anything.  i'm going to try to make sure i keep things updated here because i know how beneficial it was (and still is) to me to read other people's blogs.  and i promise to take tons of pics.  i'm sooo looking forward to the day when i'm in front of the camera waay more than i'm behind the camera.

just 7 more days now...

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