Loquacious Laura (Laura Crowe)
09/10/09
My name is Laura Crowe 29 yrs old Baltimore MD mother, 5 yr old and a 2 yr old
I have battled my weight forever.
My mother had no clue how to dress her obese children, see she was a cheerleader in high school, dating the qtr back.
Well she had no clue how to dress her kids fluffy bodies other than to put us in stretch pants and long oversized shirts.
The first time I can remember putting on a pair of jeans. I was 11 yrs old. I was playing i my mothers bedrroom and for some reason I put on a pair of her jeans and they fit...Size womens plus16!!! It was an amazing moment forr me!! Finally I can look like a normal kitd running around in jeans!!
I look back now and frown, I was 11 in size womens plus 16!!! I remember being so happy to wear jeans like all of the other kids. My confidence was amazing and I flaunted those jeans well. But I really should have been ashamed to be in such a big size.
Another thing I struggled with was my breasts. I think I should have been in a regular bra in elementary school, as early as 3rd grade. I was at least a dd in the 5th grade and in sports bras. I stayed in them till at least 8th grade.
I then stayed in a DDD from 15 until I finally met a friend Jen who was just as busty and found out she was a G well if she's a G I must be an H. I went online and bought a plunge bra from lane bryant, it was 2007 and OMH wow I been stuffing myself in a DDD and I'm actually a H!!!! DAMN!!!!
Wel when you a size 26W and your mother is a size 14 and complaining that she is too fat it kinda makes you feel like. Well if you think your fat I wonder what you think of me. Then when your mother tells you your beautiful it means nothing, it actually makes you feel worse.
I know there are others out there who have had experiences like me, even worse, I'm just here because I'm making a change!!!
When I met Will October 2007 it was just after loosing 45 lbs I was a size 18 and 265.
I felt great!
In Dec we got pregnant with my 2nd his 1st Natalie.
I had Natalie in August 2008 and went from 300 fully pregnant to 275 and felt great again.
I am not sure what happened, depression anxiety or what but I went from 275 in October of 2008 to 355 in April 2010 just before surgery. 355 was my highest weight!
My WLS story
Back in 2006 I decided on getting RNY surgery I had a plan, I would start my classes in August and be ready by tax returns to fork out the deductable. My sister was not happy with my decision and made it clear. It kinda turned me against getting it done.
Sometime the end of 2006 beginning of 2007 my sister tells me she's in classes to get RNY ! I was like WTF but supported her fully. Aparently someone from her work showed her a before RNY pic and my sister asked who that was and the lady said it was her. My sister worked at a physicians office and ins covered the surgery. That's great news. She sucessfully had the surgery in Aug 2007 and even better news had a healthy baby girl Aug 2009.
Now after finding out my sister was in classes I kinda felt like I lost my opratunity to get surgery, I hated my job because of people teasing me about my weight amongst other things I need not mention.I was feeling pretty damn low.
My mother wanted to take my daughter to the pool at ballys and forced me to go. I had a membership she had gotten me for x-mas thanks for the hint!!! Anyway I had an attitude I did not want to be there. The girl at thr front desk was flakey and couldn't find my membership in the system and called a guy over to help/ Well he had a even bigger attitude than me. I told him look I have a membership I've never used it I'm too damn busy with work and my kid to use it I just want to take her to the damn pool!!! Well he set me strait by saying everyone has time for exercize and I dont know...it got to me so the next day I went there by myself and spent 2 hours eventually I was there working out from 5:15-pm to 8:15 pm working out, I went for 4 months strait everyday and lost 46 lbs. I was 265 and in a size 18 jean. I stoped going to the gym honestly this is the first time admitting this to myself but because I felt like I was getting just lbs away from not being elligable for WLS and felt as if I could get to a bmi below 40 but could I ever get out of the obese catagory on my own without surgery. I guess I felt like I couldn't ever do it. I felt like all of my efferts were for nothing because in the end I'm still obese. I also was not getting home until 830pm in time to tuck my 2 yr old into bed but only seen her on the weekends. WTF I used that as an excuse to quit and not feel bad about it.
After having my daughter Aug of 2008 I ballooned up depression anxiety and boyfriend who loved to take me out to not only dinner but breakfest and lunch too didn't help.
I had medical assistance while pregnant with my daughter and thought it would end after having her but in maryland they changed the medical assistance laws, if you are a parent or guardian of a child and are low income you are elligable for medical assistance. Here was my chance. I contacted my pcp and he wrote the rx for WLS. I got into a 6 month bariatric weight loss managment program and before I knew it I got my date.
I did decide along the way to switch from RNY to VSG.
My PCP moved to another Dr's office and so I got a new PCP
I switched surgeons a month before surgery.
however, I had no insurance problems which I thought I would.
Now I am to date 80 lbs down, 5 months out today.
I still think as if I'm always going to be obese...like I am the acception, this surgery has been sucessful on everyone but wont be sucessful on me I guess it's hardwired into my brain.
I dont quite know how to change that.
Today Aug 5 2010 I put on a size 18. I have never in my adult life been smaller than a 18, Christ I never in my life ever wore a jeans smaller than a 16 and I'm almost freakin there!!! It's freaking me out !
