Almost 4 Years-87 Lbs Lost, but still feel I failed

Feb 20, 2014

It's been a very long time since I've posted. It's time for an update. After my surgery, I was very very slowly losing weight, but at least progressing. Then my Mother got ill and passed away about a year after my surgery. Since then, it's taken a back seat. It may be seen by others as an excuse, but life is still not okay without her. I'm doing fine with normal life, work, children, etc., but there hasn't been anything left to put this in the front.

I initially had one fill and never went back. At this point I don't know if my surgeon would even see me since I didn't keep up with him. Anyway, I've felt embarrassed and like I failed again. 

Yesterday though, I had a mini-revelation. I go to my regular doctor for other reasons every 3-4 months and they record my weight. Each time it's been down, but 4-8 lbs every 3 months is nothing to get excited about. I recently went back through my records and recorded each weight and totaled it up. Then yesterday when I went to my regular doctor, I lost 16 pounds since November!  For me, that's something to get excited about. All toll, I've lost 87 lbs since surgery!  

I debated posting here as it seems most people post-surgery lose that in the first couple of months, but here I am anyway! Because of my fear of failing I've only ever told my children who were in high school at the time and my parents. I haven't really done any formal exercise and I don't have a meal plan. The 5cc fill that I got 4 yrs ago limits what I eat mostly due to things getting stuck and overall I eat pretty clean. Fruits, salads, yogurt, etc because they go down easy. 

So now, I'm thinking if I get my s&@% together! maybe I could hit the 100 pounds loss. My highest weight was 348, my current is 261. Many of my shirts are huge on me, but I still haven't gone shopping for smaller. I guess it all revolves around 2 things,  fear and apathy and I don't really see the change since it's been so slow and only a couple people that I work with have mentioned noticed the loss I guess because it's been such a slow change and my clothes are big and loose. 

I hope all of you have done better than I have  and haven't wasted this opportunity to change your. I still feel like I've failed over all ....  

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