I'm Still Here...

Apr 23, 2013

It's been a VERY long time since I've posted on OH.  After I lost my weight, I was still very active here.  And I always wondered where the old timers had gone.  And now, I realize that they were probably out enjoying the new life that they worked so hard to obtain.  That is where I've been the past few years.  

I got married.  Changed jobs.  Moved a few times.  Grew up.  Gained weight.  Then lost weight.  And gained weight.  Then lost weight.   Just your average normal things that everyone else does.  Are you confused?  Well, let me explain.  

I remember the honeymoon period after my surgery.  I brainwashed myself into thinking that I would never eat another carb again!  I would never gain another pound.  And those lost pounds were surely gone forever!  My lowest was 116 lbs.  My highest since then has been 148 pounds (151 if you want to count the week of my period but I don't count that).  

For the past 6 years of being on OH, I've read things like this: "I've gained 30 pounds; I'm such a failure!"  Or, "I've started eating carbs; I feel like I've failed the surgery!"  So, I've gained weight.  But, I've also lost some too.  I don't feel like a failure.  I feel bad about myself when I can't get my clothes on, and that is always a strong indicator that it's time to DO something proactive.  And so I go on a diet or the plan that I've chosen that particular month to get off the excess.  But, my routine weight remains steady most of the time for several years at 140-142.  I like that weight.   If I can stay there, I'm pretty generally happy.  There've been times i tried to lose back down to 130, but it was just so hard.  And I asked myself:  why?  I love my clothes.  I fit in them well.  I don't want to keep going up and down like a yo-yo, buying clothes, giving clothes away or stashing them in places I need for OTHER things...  and then buying clothes again.  

Anyway, so I think I've gained and lost the same 10 lbs about two hundred and fifty times.  (Which from what I have observed in thin and average size women, is NORMAL).  The past few weeks though, my size 8s have really been cutting me.  I think this is the limit for me.  I had let things get a little too far this time and decided to go back to basics with my friend.  And, sometimes in life it's good for us to return to the past, things, places and people that had a life altering impact on us.  Therefore, I came back to where my journey started:  OH.  

It's good to be here.  Good to read of others who have done well on their journey, others who are just starting (who can REMIND me of the basics cause its easy to forget), and to read of those who have regain and are working hard to lose it because those are my allies.  It's good to be back.  

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