Michael S.

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

I now have my own website for anyone that is interested.  It's www.hungry2live.com.

My adaptation of Sir Mix-A-Lot : I'm your new god.





***************************************************************************************************************************************

Whats wrong, sweetheart?

Dont you want me?

You paid for me. kneel to me.

*rhythmic sniffing*

Eat me. taste me. swallow me ...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha, Im your new god.

 

 

She’s only 26, he looks lost

Bought food from the drive-thu, and got tossed

Eatin all that's in site, filled up,

Perfect individual for me to bust out

You can drink me, or you can eat me

But the girl shoulda known, you cant trust me

She’s only 500 pounds and lonely

She calls to her God for help, and thats me

Fast-Food, go ahead n use me, heh heh

Momma wont know youre a junkie

Just put me in your mouth and chew

*swallow* cluck cluck cluck!

And while youre full, grab a 12 gauge

Jump back on the streets, in a food rage

The only way out is the sucicide route

Put the gauge at your dome and take it out

Now Im on the 6 oclock news

All my movies get the rave reviews

60 minutes had a special on me

The God called fast-food is killin your society

Advertising is where I get picked

I can kill with a heart attack

I work through the week, my pleasure is pain

And Im your new god

You can call me fast-food.

 

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

fast-food

Heh heh heh

Go ahead n eat me.

 

 

Brothers throwin up a set to protect me

Im worth a lot so money so respect me

Doin damage on the boulevard, just like that

*gunfire* shoot em over fast-food

7-11 dealers would kill for me

Cause if ya sell me, I help ya live lovely

You want a porsche? Sell that burger for a buck

Just remember that your God is me

The task force bum rushed one of my joints

A big score, 1 ton of fast food

Now ya see another foodman sink

And one young health-nut on the brink

The the nuts thinkin bout pinchin

And alimony checks to his wife for the rent and

Kids, so the profit is slow

And he wants to make his bankroll grow

1 ton of fast food just sittin in the truck

I can make the best man weak

So the health-nut hits the streets to sell a little pain

Now the health-nut has a god

You can call me fast-food

 

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

fast-food

drink this

eat it

eat it

 

 

The only way I can be stopped is with intelligence

And you dont get it, so thats irrelevant

So you drive through, and get some more

And Im happy as hell

I tried to get a young kid but he just said no

Because of some sports hero

So I entered the heros house in a bag

And let him eat one time

Now hes fat, cause my dose was pure

Got him too quick for the cure

So the headlines read, fast-food made another hit

*yum* hooked on the first sniff

Now the kid is lookin for another hero

I let him know the other fool was a zero

He hits the streets, lookin for a remedy

They introduce him to me

I dont need another junky, just a flunky

Besides, the little punk was spunky

So I put him in a fresh pair o dickies

Give him a beeper, and let him terrorize the city

Put him in a drive-thu, teach him to slang

Another young punk deep in the game

Hell be lucky if he lives til 28

And Im his new god

You can call me fast-food

 

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

fast-food

Go ahead n use me

eat me

Hm hm hm hm hm hm

Hi everyone!

I have now lost a total of 150.2 pounds since I started on July 31st 2008.

I have lost 48.8 pounds post-op since 2/20/2009.

I'm pretty gosh darn excited!  If you haven't yet Come check me out! It means a lot to me!

How's everyone else doing?!?

--Mike

Hi Everyone!

I have started a video blog of my journey at:

http://www.youtube.com/user/Hungry2Live


I will soon be on www.lapbandking.com

Come check me out!  Please leave me feedback and comments, and what you would like to hear me talk about!

Much love to everyone out there!

--Mike

Today I got another fill.  I was on the fence about it, I wasn't sure if I should or not... but it can always be taken out.  I got 1 more CC to make a total of 7 CC's in my Realize Band.  I am definitely feeling it today, as I was only able to eat 3-4 ounces of purred Tuna for dinner.  It will be interesting to see where I am at in 2 weeks when I know where it's really going to be.  I am down another 8 pounds on the doctor's scale since the last fill 3.5 weeks ago.

My Panic Disorder is... not better, in fact it's worse.  I have the greatest doctors, wife, and family helping me through it all though.  I WILL GET THIS SH*T FIGURED OUT.  It's been... phew... around 3 years since I was fist diagnosed.  Many meds, and lots of help from my AMAZING doctors and psychologist has made me better than I was, but I am still unable to do much outside of the house.  At least I don't spend all day in bed thinking about death and when the next attack is going to happen.  I can at least get out of bed now, and do a lot of things I didn't think I would be able to.  Things that I never even thought about being difficult in the past can become a huge obstacle to overcome now.

My wife is now ~15 weeks away from the due date of October 23.  It's going to be a girl.

I think that's all for now.

Well,

Everything I tried to eat today came back up.  It's one of those days where you wonder why the hell did I do this to myself?  One of those days you doubt yourself.  One of those days you want everything to be "normal" again.  One of those days where you can't stop crying after you vomit for the 10th time after eating a few bites of food.  So, with that in mind, I'm just listening to Limp Bizkit...  I guess it's just one of those days you guys and gals get to listen to me bitch.

"
Its just one of those days,
Where you don't want to wake up.
Everything is fucked,
Everybody sucks.
You don't really know why,
But you wanna justify,
Rippin someone's head off.
No human contact,
and if you interact,
your life is on contract.
Your best bet is to stay away motherfucker,
It's just one of those days

It's all about the he-says, she-says bullshit,
I think you better quit, let the shit slip
Or youll be leaving with a fat lip.
It's all about the he-says, she-says bullshit,
I think you better quit, talking that shit.

Its just one of those days
Feeling like a freight train.
First one to complain,
Leaves with a bloodstain.
Damn right I'm a maniac,
You better watch your back,
Cause I'm fucking up your program.
And then your stuck up,
You just lucked up,
Next in line to get fucked up.
Your best bet is to stay away motherfucker,
It's just one of those days

It's all about the he-says, she-says bullshit,
I think you better quit, let the shit slip
Or youll be leaving with a fat lip.
It's all about the he-says, she-says bullshit,
I think you better quit, talking that shit.
Ohh, so come and get it.

I feel like shit,
My suggestion..is to keep your distance.
Cause right now im dangerous.
We've all felt like shit,
And been treated like shit.
All those motherfuckers,
That wanna step up,
I hope you know, I pack a chainsaw.
I'll skin your ass raw,
And if my day keeps going this way, I just might
Break something tonight

I pack a chainsaw.
I'll skin your ass raw,
And if my day keeps going this way, I just might
Break something tonight
I pack a chainsaw.
I'll skin your ass raw,
And if my day keeps going this way, I just might
Break your fucking face tonight.

Give me something to break.
Give me something to break.
Just give me something to break.
How 'bout your fucking face?!?

I hope you know, I pack a chainsaw.
What
A chainsaw
What
A motherfucking chainsaw.
Wat

So come and get it.

It's all about the he-says, she-says bullshit,
I think you better quit, let the shit slip
Or youll be leaving with a fat lip.
It's all about the he-says, she-says bullshit,
I think you better quit, talking that shit.
Ohh, so come and get it
"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_eCIjr1Mb0

My wife just had her 20 week ultrasound.

It's going to be a girl.  She is due on October 23, 2009.

Evan is going to be a big brother!  He doesn't really understand yet, but I'm sure he will.

--Mike

So,

I have started working with a trainer... and today... I finnaly broke 400.  399.8.  I will NEVER see 4XX on the scale again!  I will wait until Sunday to weight myself again to make sure I don't.

YAY!

Less than 200lbs to goal now!  I am around 40% to goal!  WOOT WOOT!

This was written by someone else that lives with what I do, and I couldn't have said it better myself:

Dear non-panic disorder sufferer,

There are some things I want you to know about me and my condition.
I am not necessarily shy, that's not what having a panic disorder is. I am an outgoing person who often feels trapped inside a wall of fear. I get really angry sometimes because what I feel like is the real me is trapped behind my anxiety. I probably want to be affectionate and laid back and fun at any given time but you make me nervous. It's not your fault, it's just people- it's nothing you do or did. I can only become desensitized to people by spending a lot of time with them and even then sometimes it doesn't work. Sometimes, with some people, it works right away.

I know that what I'm afraid of isn't real. I know that the threat is an illusion and that I'm not really going to get hurt, but my body is telling me otherwise. I try to talk myself out of it but "fight or flight" is one of the most basic and powerful instincts of the body, and it doesn't always listen.

I am working really hard to combat my anxiety disorder. Some days I start to give up because I've been fighting for so long and it doesn't seem to change, or I make progress and then I backslide. It's inevitable that I get depressed and may not seem to be working to help myself. Having an anxiety disorder is really hard and I promise I'm doing what I can. Much of the fight that goes on with my condition happens inside the head, so while it might not seem like I am trying to help myself, I am.

I am constantly exhausted. If your body went through intense terror each day (or sometimes, just from time-to-time) and then crashed, you'd be exhausted too. I have to make myself move when I am crashing and sometimes I just have to sleep. My body doesn't present that as an option; it's just an order- "You. Sleep. Now". Sometimes I don't get things done because I am tired. Please don't get mad at me if I don't always do everything I am supposed to do- it can be a real struggle to do little things that most people don't think twice about, like walking into a store, running errands, sometimes even leaving my house.

Some of my behavior might seem pretty odd at times. I might make someone go with me to places I ought to be able to go to alone because I need a "safe" person there. I might come off as clingy and dependent on others, but my reasoning is not what you might assume- "safe" people are our anchors to sanity. Real or not, we assume we can count on them to help us if we become terrified, and that can make the difference between fleeing a place or being able to stick it out. We develop triggers in specific places and that place, as innocuous as it might seem to you, scares me to death. I don't want to feel that way; it's embarrassing, but I do. How would you feel if you were terrified out of your mind in a place or around a person you know is harmless in your heart?

I try many things to combat my anxiety. If you've heard about a technique, I've probably heard about it. I've tried meditation, yoga, acupuncture, keeping active, positive self-talk, cognitive behavioral therapy, regular therapy, and medication, among things. I've probably tried lots of different medication. Anxiety disorder (and depression, since the two are linked- you'd be depressed if you had an anxiety disorder) often get treated with strong medication, and strong medication has side-effects. When I am trying new medications I might be "off" and irrational. Please forgive me, it's not me, it's the meds. Also, some meds make me extra tired or dizzy or any number of other things that aren't my normal or desired state. Most medication used to treat anxiety is something the body becomes immune to over time, so the dosage must be increased. So, occasionally I may relapse when I am not expecting it. I don't necessarily know the cause.

Please don't make fun of me when I am experiencing a panic attack- it's horrible enough without you ridiculing me. You wouldn't be laughing if you were the one whose body was revolting in fear. I'm not making anything up, I'm not trying to use panic attacks as an excuse not to do things, and I surely don't want to be a burden on you or effect your life negatively. Knowing I sometimes am and sometimes do adds to the misery of the condition. What I really need is for you to let me hold your hand or your arm tightly at times, and to humor me and just tell me it isn't real and I don't have to be scared, even if it's the millionth time you've said it. Tell me you'll protect me and I might just believe you, because I want to so badly. I want to be tough and independent and in control, but something (psychological and chemical) inside of me won't let me be free.

Panic disorders are almost always genetic and are chemically related, though they're often triggered by a traumatic event. Before realizing what is happening to us, most panic disorder sufferers go through a terrible period of thinking that we're dying when we're having a panic attack, or that something terrible is about to happen to us, etc. It's impossible to understand when it first happens, unless someone is there to warn you. There usually isn't.

Many of us live in terror of letting other people know we're freaking out, so while we might seem normal, in control, and calm, our insides are often a different story. It's ok to tell us we seem stabler or more confident- we'll appreciate you noticing. Just know that sometimes it might be an illusion, sometimes true one day but not the next. Acting like it's a result of something we didn't do is a double-blow, the first one being our own senses of failure for not being able to just "tough it out", "grin and bear it" etc.

Sometimes, just walking into a room by ourselves is the accomplishment of the day. Sometimes, we could lead a parade. Please, give us the credit for living with something so tough and managing to do anything. Please, just support us and help us, and listen to us. It's natural to get annoyed sometimes, but if you're annoyed, we're probably beating ourselves up because we're a self-critical lot. That's part of how we got this way, by being too self-aware.

We are trying to win the battle, but some days we just want to give up.

Thanks, and we love those who help us,

Your friend with Panic Disorder
 

It was my brother-in-law's b-day so I went out to dinner with them.  They wanted to go to a place called Joe's Crab Shack for all you can eat snow-crab legs.  I ordered the smallest order they had... they got the all you can eat...  They had 6-7 POUNDS of crab-legs each.  It took me about the same amount of time to eat my 1 plate... They weren't even enjoying it... They were sucking it down as fast as they could.

One thing that I am VERY happy with my surgery is the fact that I now am "forced" to eat slower.  This makes me actually enjoy my food.  I actually think about the flavors and how it tastes in my mouth.  When I had Tilapia a few days ago in an apricot glaze wow do the flavors POP.  When I had the sweet juicy crab meat... WOW.  I would have never taken the time to eat it the way I did today.  I also wasn't looking on the menu for the most food for my dollar.  I ordered what would have a good amount of protein and what I think would taste the best.  I love my WLS even if my weight isn't coming off THAT fast right now.  I'm not at my "sweet" spot yet, so I can overeat still if I don't watch myself.  When I hit that spot... 1-3 lbs a week steady here I come.  1-2 years from now I WILL be a new man.