mkdrgnfly

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Well, I had my final appt with my surgeon yesterday.  Got my scripts for after surgery and a final rundown of how things will happen.. I am so excited that I cannot stand myself..  I dont know how others are dealing with me.. hee hee-  not really.  besides my family and a  couple close friends i have been playing this one close to the chest.

I guess i kinda felt like the surgeon would change his mind..i know, i am a worry wart.  i tend to do that.  Was I happy to be there and be talking about all the things i needed to expect.  when i left i was as giddy as a child. 

now to just hurry up and wait.. ha ha ha..  just 25 days left... wwhhoooohoooo.

 

Yesterday i did really bad!!  i was ok during the day, had my shake for breakfast and lunch and water to drink. then i was famished when i got home... decided that i would have 2 small pcs of bbq ribs that were in the fridge and 2 corn cobbetts and that would be my dinner.. so i ate that as soon as i got home..

but i still had to cook for Nate and the girls, which i did--chicken alfredo and garlic bread... of which i decided that i needed just a little.  which wound up being a bowl and 2 pcs of garlic bread...
 Yes, i really ate all that..  I was miserable.. I woke up 3 or 4 times with heartburn and the dreaded thoughts looming over me that i ate tooo much....

i am bound and determined not to do that mess again.. I feel soooo bad.  I have my final appt with my surgeon tomorrow.  I really hope i am down some..  I will be glad when that appt is over because i guess it will make it a little more final to me that i am actually getting to have this done on Feb 9th...  its  been a long long road..

God Bless ya'll

I just cant tell you how exctatic I am to say this..............................  I got approved!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Are you ready for this.... after  1day!!
It has been 5 years since I started this journey...just to get a date and an approval.  I cant elaberate now, not much time... i will later though.. i am sooooooo excited..

Well, I havent posted in a while and I was looking at pictures and started thinking of all of the things that I would like to do someday, if the surgery is approved.  (I am starting my 4th month of physician supervised weight program for insurance requirements).

ok - so here goes

1/ cross my legs
2/ ride a roller coaster again
2/ not look around the room to see if I am the biggest person in the room
3/ not feel like everyone in looking at me from behind when I walk away thinking OMGosh....  how do you let yourself get that big
4/ run
5/ sing in church (without reservation)
6/ not look for a bigger chair in the dr office to sit down in or hold the arms of the chair when I get out of a regular chair so that it doesnt come up with me..
7/ buy something off the rack thats not in the 20's 
8/ play outside with my girls-running and goofing
9/ coach cheerleading for one of my girls
10/ ride a motorcycle
11/ ride a horse again
12/ tan ALL parts of my body -- ha ha--but no, i AM serious
13/ find a bracelet that fits me without an extender
14/ have my husband pick me up and carry me/heck, even just lift me
15/ shop on the "other" side of Cato.  

i will work on more later.... too many to keep going right now...

Today is Dec 31,2007.  I have had a consultation with a new physician, and have insurance that covers the surgery now through my job.  I am being very patient.  Not rushing anything.  I am also starting my 6 month Physician supervised weight loss program, just in case my insurance asks for it.. I am super excited but am praying for wisdom and patence.  I will update more later.  God Bless.

3/29/06 I guess I am starting all over... This new insurance that my husband has will not cover any part of bariatric surgury. The only other thing I know to do is to try and save up the $5000. for the surgeon fees to get the surgery scheduled then pay payments on the hospital bill. I lost 45 on Weight Watchers before so everyone is dead set that I could get the at least 150 lbs off that way and keep it off... That just dont happen much, and I honestly dont think thats possible for me.. The yo yo mess from dieting is so dangerous in itself, i would 10 times rather go thru the surgury and get healthy- than to be up and down for the rest of my life...I see my life suffering from this soo much....
The quality of time that I spend with my kids, its no where near where it should be. all because I am just fat and lazy.. And my relationship with Nate, my husband, is suffering more now than ever.. I have gained more weight back now, so I am at my highest point, I gained the 45 I lost + some. I dont want to be intimate with him as much... He says he doesnt care about what I look like and that he loves me anyway. I do know he loves me. I just cant imagine him finding me attractive if I am grossed out at myself.... all of the things that should make me feel wonderful make me feel pretty good, but i know my life is not what it should be..... So, thats the latest.. I need an angel with 5 thousand dollars... (Not holding my breath). God Bless.

1/19/05 denied again, big suprise.  I have struggled so long to get this and nothing. Now they want me to pay to have a dr supervised diet and excersize program for 1 year. If I could afford that I could afford the rippen surgery!!!! I am giving up and disgusted.

8/31/04 trying yet again!!!! New Dr and starting from scratch.. God please let it happen this time. I am in a little better spirits after the pit I went thru. Have some testing to do on Friday 9-3 for Dr. Lucktong and I guess we will go from there. I really dont know what else to do. My older daughter (6,Makayla) is in cheerleading again this year and I am so embarrased to even show up at a practice, but I do. Its not about me, thats for her. I will touch base again after we see what happens with this try.

4/8/04 its over. i give up!!!!!! been thru 2 insurance companies and denied by both,there is no other option for me to have this surgury, i suppose i am destined to be fat michelle. I am so tired of trying and I know that there is no way that I can pay for the surgury myself. I guess thats it for me. God knows how many hours dreaming at the before and after pictures and hoping that one day that would be me. Guess not.

1-8-04 well, here's me again, still fat me. As of 1-1-04 I am no longer covered by Cigna. Now I have Anthem. YEA!! Everyone says its going to be so much easier with Anthem. I have another appntment with my surgeon, to have a recent checkup and evaluation to send with my letter of medical necessity. The apptmnt is on 1-20-04 so 2 to 4 weeks after that I should no whether or not Anthem will approve it. If they don't, well, I guess all I can do is start the appeals process with them. It feels like it will never get here. I am trying not to get my hopes up like I did with Cigna, that was a disaster.