NSV's and prejudices

May 09, 2011

First I want to write down some NSVs before I forget.

Shoes fit
Fit in an airplane seat, no problem
Feel friendly

I'm still fat, 216 lb. but, feel so much better.

Prejudices:

With all the hoopla about Jennifer Hudson it is both sad and real that unfortunately, we get a big fuss made about us if we lose weight.  Losing weight simply looks so much better on us.  The way the world is gushing about her is superficial and they would never ever go on and on about her appearance if she was still heavy.  So it's so apparent that as a community, we go so crazy over skinny people and it's because, they just plain look so much better!

That's all there is to it.  Fat is ugly.  I can't find another way to put it.

Today I read a newsletter called Bandwagon on the Road which is a newsletter written weekly by the author of the book Bandwagon - all about the band.  She highlighted a woman on her 3rd bandiversary replete with pictures.  Beautiful.  Lots a lot of weight.  She writes:

Elena's 3rd bandiversary is on May 13th. She's lost 156 pounds! Elena is the pluckiest young lady (and world traveler) I've had the pleasure to know in a long time. Since her band surgery, she's lost weight, a best friend, and a job, but she has kept on moving and has now gained a toned body, the cultural adventure of teaching English in Korea, and has married the love of her life. Elena's weight loss has been an amazing transformation, as the fat melted away to reveal the beautiful girl who'd been waiting inside. Her before and after photos will blow you away!

Now, I have mixed feelings about my fat.  Does that mean before I lose weight, I'm disgusting?  Ugly?  Unsightly?  Am I only beautiful BECAUSE I lost weight?  Clearly, Elena looks a lot better and happier slimmer.  How do I work out those feelings that say I'm unworthy of praise UNTIL I lose weight?  I feel bad for my old self!!  It makes me sad to think that the world thinks the old me was gross and the new me is so much better.  I'M STILL ME!  And sadly, it doesn't matter that the inner me was beautiful or delightful all along.  :( I buy into those prejudices myself and did, especially about Gaborey Sadibe and Jennifer Hudson.  Gaborey...I see u!!!

ttyl

0 Comments