Emily P.

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2 yrs out as of Saturday Nov 10th!

 

WOW.

 

320-159 lbs......

WOW

 

I accidentally made friends w/ a crazy.

I cant shake her.  She's everywhere.

HELP.  LOL 

For the first time in my life, I was asked to model in the Ford Yacht Club First Mates Fashion show.  this is a big deal, my mom runs this thing..... and has never asked me to model.  so here are some pics.
I want to get married again in the dress.....

 I was so nervous I was going to step on the dress, pull it down, expose my non existant boobs... OMFG

 Left to right, Myself, My daughter, and my Mom.  :)

 I am in love with the dress.  SERIOUS LOVE.

  my mom bought me this shirt after the show.  I dig it so hard.  A few weeks later, the store it came from suffered greatly due to the restaurant 2 doors down burning.  :( 

And, lets not forget where I came from....
 damn i miss those flip flops.  they where sweeet with lil skulls on the straps.  LOL 

Who is that in the mirror?
Where did I go?
When will I be back?
Who the fuck am I?

I have lost my sense of self, I dont know who the fuck I am, I am just going thru the motions of life, being who everyone else expects me to be. 

I am in a full out identity crisis, according to my friend Courtney.  Spot on, Court, Spot on. 

Well, you cheated......

Really?  I cheated?  Pray tell, how I cheated?  Because I had a life saving surgery?  Because I used medical help to fight obesity?  Because I had a surgery to effectively CURE my type 2 diabetes?  

Tell me exactly HOW this is cheating?  I take my ass to the gym EVERY day!  I make appropriate food choices, I WORK MY ASS OFF TO BE WHERE I AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I did NOT cheat.  I used advanced medicine to get my health in line. 

My mom had a Bone Marrow Transplant in July 1994.  At this time it was considered "experimental"...... She lived.  She's still alive today.  She is leukemia free. I don't see anyone telling her she fucking cheated.  HOW DIFFERENT IS THIS?  

I don't see the difference...  but then again, people who say I cheated are either, people who've never been big, or big people who haven't the balls to admit that they could use the help too.    It pisses me the fuck off.  Until you've walked a day in my shoes....DO NOT TELL ME WHAT I'VE DONE!!!!!!! 

On that  note, Hubbs and I attended a wedding yesterday.  GORGEOUS!!!!!  It was at the Dearborn Inn.  It's on the Michigan Historical Register.  This place is amazing!  Loved it.  Everything was wonderful and Sherry (the bride) was glowing and amazing!   Here are a few pics......

One year ago today, about this time of day....I was having the first ever surgery of my lifetime.  The biggest change in my lifetime.  I had no fucking clue what the next year held for me.

I've lost  180 lbs.  Ive worked hard to regain 6 of them, mostly muscle.  I did 2 a days at the gym for the first 3 months after surgery (starting at 10 days out).  I didn't eat really anything solid for like 5 months, and when I did I barfed.  For awhile there, I was concerned I'd never be "normal" again.  Then, I turned a corner.  I stopped puking.  I actually felt hungry.  I started eating again, and finally stopped losing weight. 

Today, I eat normal, smaller healthy meals, with small snacks here and there.  I do eat sugar, and drink 1 cup of coffee a day.  I get up everyday @ 5:15 am, head to the gym for an hour or so and start my day.  I'm bartending 3-5 days a week, which in itself is a great workout.  I'm happier than I've ever been with my body.  I lost my best friend.  I gained a new one....and life is great.  My husband, Jason has a 5'11" 146lb wife, I think he enjoys the change.  He wishes I had a few more "curves".  He's just sad that I have no tits.  :(  

Everyone says Im quieter now...... I think they are right.  I don't know how to explain it.... part of me is I don't want to be noticed, or seem like I'm showing off?  And part of me feels like I don't have to try hard anymore to be the loud crazy one so it distracts from my giant size..... and part of me just doesn't give a fuck anymore.  Im bitter.  People treat me differently.  I mean, yeah it's great to be treated so well, but I realize how badly people treat fat people.  It bugs me that I'm the same person, but I feel a lot of people treat me way differently.  I don't know, this is a hard one.  But yeah, I'm quieter now. 

This surgery has been a roller coaster.  I'd never take it back.  I actually own AND WEAR a pair of sz 2 jeans, ALL of my work shirts are a size SMALL!  I am amazed.  My belly and thighs are hideous, and I have no tits.  But, surgeons can fix all that....... I love how I look in clothes.  I love wearing belts, and accessories, and doing my hair and make up everyday.  I feel amazing. 

That.is.all.the.babble.i.have.for.now.

My friend Cathy made this for me.  HOLY SHIT.  What a transformation.  Ive lost 180lbs.  down to 140.  people on FB said, she's too skinny now.   They are all overweight people.  I hear that from ALL the people who are larger than I... Hmmm i wonder why?  because Im not big anymore?  because IM NOT BIGGER THAN YOU?????? 

my best friend is no longer my best friend.  She's replaced me with another friend... who is bigger than she is.  My mom said she saw that coming... I didnt really think it'd happen, but it's okay.  Ive got some other really good friends who are cool, and love me for me.  :)

My bday is Thursday.. I'll be 32, and in the best shape of my life.  Im so damn happy.  SO HAPPY....
Lots of love to all, have a bitchin day.  xoxoxoxo

Well, I went to get a new tattoo last night.  I have several, so this is not anything new... BUT, it is my first since losing weight.  I was a little nervous... but nothing more than the usual.  I ate good yesterday, and thought I'd be fine.  My friend Tubbs came with me.

We where in the shop, and Rob (the tat guy) was setting everything up.... I was standing there, and asked Tubbs for some of her slurpee.  I felt weird as hell, and needed some sugar asap.... So I took a drink of the slurpee, and next thing I know I was on my knees with her and Rob holding me up..... As I came to, I realized what had went on.... I got up and got to a chair. Tubbs fed me a mini donut (which was horrid to eat, I couldnt swallow it)... Then I barfed... A few really hard times, and went pee, and then I was like a million bucks! 

I dont know if it was nerves or what... I had this happen twice in the past- once a really really long time ago, I took out my hairdresser..... and then another time I took out my friend Alissa at a bar!!!  LOL This was the first time since surgery.  Altho, I did have one time that I thought it was going to happen, but I brought myself out of it with cranberry juice...

Anywho... after passing out, then barfing & peeing (not at the same time thank god) I got the tattoo, and felt fine.  I froze my ass off while getting it, but all was good.  A special shout out to Tubbs & Rob... they both where amazing and helped me out of this spin!  LOL 

The pic above is the tattoo... bad ass huh?  I love it. 

I'm creeping up on 10 months since surgery.....

STATS

320 lbs to 145.5 lbs
Sz 24 to sz 5/6
3/4xl to SMALL
Sz 11 to Sz 10 Shoes
42C to 34A

This journey has been so much more than losing a metric ton of weight in a tiny amount of time.  It's been a complete and utter mind fuck for lack of better words.  I am shocked when I look in the mirror.  I just stare at the girl looking back, I dont believe she's ME!   I don't feel comfortable going to stores that dont have a Plus department... Not that I need to go to it, but because I feel like I dont belong.  I feel like an outsider.  It's so hard.  I just go to Goodwill and garage sales.  I feel less judged there.  Thing is, I KNOW in my BRAIN that these people have no clue WHERE I've come from, who I am, and that I haven't always been tiny like this...... so Why do I feel like they all are staring at me?  why do I feel like I should just leave said store that I've never stepped foot in b/c I know they dont have that in size 24?!  

Who am I to bitch about this stuff?  Seriously... I mean, if I read this a year ago, I'd hate me!  I'd be like wtf... that girl is a whining bitch.  wearing a size 6 crying b/c she doesnt feel comfortable shopping?  does she know how hard it is to shop when you are 300lbs?  so to all of you thinking that, who are pre-surgery.. get at me when you are doing this same shit....

I'm pretty much over being told "You need to stop losing" " You are too thin"..... Yeah, shut the fuck up.  I am aware of how thin I am, and fully aware that YES.. I need to stop losing.  I am thinner than I EVER THOUGHT I WOULD BE!  Like 50 lbs thinner than I thought I'd ever be.  I figured I'd lose 100lbs and still be big, just not giant.  Never ever did I think I would wear Justice's clothing.  NEVER in my life did I think my clothes would be a single digit size.  
I'm also sick of defending myself.  I DO EAT, I eat a lot.  I am so ready to just start screaming at people to shut their mouths.


So to conclude.  This is not all glitter, puppies kitties and fucking rainbows.  yeah, Im not fat anymore.... thats a bonus.  Im super happy with the loss, and super happy with my improved health, and improved self image..... but yeah.  it's not all awesomesauce.  
 

Today, it's been 6 months.

WOW.  Im down 135 lbs.  I wore a size 24 to the hospital, and am in a 10 now.  :)  My boobs are GONE.  seriously, gone.  I no longer have diabetes, high blood pressure, or high cholesterol.  I can work all day on my feet and walk the next day! 

I am amazed at the progress I've seen.  I've heard a few comments, about "withering away"  "melting away" "are you alright?" " are you sick?" ....but I've used the I have a great doctor, and he closely monitors my progress..... which shut them up.

well, that's about it for now.