Ms_Silly

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• no longer considered morbidly obese or obese... back into the "overweight category"... yay :D
• BMI from 47 to now 29... WOW
• Now I weigh 188, down from 297 at my highest weight... yes!!!
• I can excersice without wanting to kill myself instead :)
• I cut out soda's a while before pre-surgery, and have successfully stayed away from carbinated drinks all together. Not even tempted! Whoop!
• I sleep better at night and can fall asleep on my back now... it's habbit not to, but I can!
• Self esteem is better. I'm no air head, but it's good not to be disgusted with myself and feel positive about what I'm doing to live a happier, healthier life :D

Wow I havnt posted in my blog in forever. Well, I'm 7 weeks out as of tomorrow.

My surgery went very smoothly. I was in the hospital for 2 nights (as predicted). I woke up in a LOT of pain. I was very out of it for HOURS but felt like I would rip in half if i moved too much. I was placed on a controlled morphine drip. That helped. My boyfriend stayed both nights with me in the hospital. By the end of the first night (day of surgery) I was walking. Hunched over and verrryyy slow, but I was walking! I wasn't aloud to have anything until the next night as far as "food" goes, not water, not nothing. Then I had my first meal Saturday night. Myfirst 2ounzes that took my forever to get down because I was so scared of how I was going to feel.

Anyways, the first 2 weeks at home were hell. I've heard it called "hell week" and now I know why. I was miserable, but mostly it was mental!!! I was just freaking out about what I had done to myself, I had regrets and a lot of crying. getting down my "food" was miserable because I didnt want anything in my mouth but here i was shoving "meals" and vitamins that all just was so gross. But everyday I walked, going a little further every couple of days.

I went back to work after 2 weeks. I was worried because just up until a few days before returning to work I was still sore. However I stopped taking my pain meds after my 2nd or 3rd day home (because it made me sleep too much and I didnt like not having a clear head). I'm glad I returned to work at this point. Getting back on a "normal" schedule made me feel more normal and that made things easier.

Through the progression of the past few weeks I can honestly say that THANK GOD stage 1 & 2 are behind me. Being able to add soft foods back into my diet boost the feeling of being normal again. I've been blessed that I have only thrown up twice, and it wasnt that big of a deal - not like I imagined. I'm able to tolerate so many things I read other can't... such as milk and eggs and very steamed veggies. It has been awesome. I feel great. I've lost 38 pounds and I'm happy with the weight loss and how its going. There are some days that go by (like 2 or 3 at a atime) that I havnet lost anything. I've finally stopped weighing EVERY day. I think it helps. I decided to measure 1x a month. so next weekend I will be updating that, bus as of what I know now I have lost 14 1/2 inches already! THAT made a bigger impact than the scale to my mind. anyways

That's it for now!!

I'm freaking out!!! I can't believe I'm just days away. My pre-op diet has been goin well. Today I'm 280.5, my heaviest weight being 294. I can't tell a difference at all but I'm still proud of myself. My emotions seem to be up and down about it. I have moments of doubt and fear and think of calling it all off. From what I read, that's normal going into surgery and I just am trying to stay positive and remind myself why I wanted this tool to help me. I can't wait to be on the other side of all of this. Wish me luck!

August 16th 2013 is the DAY, the day that my very skilled surgeon helps me turn my life around. I AM SO EXCITED. Oh yeah... and I have lost 6 lbs :) I was hoping for more, considering a lot of the changes I've been making, but I'll take it!!!

So I thought my pulmonary eval was going to be the last appointment before my preop appointment, but then it was decided I needed to have a sleep study. Omg was that themost awkward experience. The night before my sleep study I didn't get a lot of sleep due to an infected fingernail. It was painful and the day off my sleep study I had it drained and put on antibiotics. It sucked but it played out in my favor that I was exhausted and slept decent for the study. My results were that I have mild sleep apnea, only stopping breathing about 7 times an hour. No cpap for me :) I just KNEW that I was going to hear the opposite, but was stoked for the good news. Last week I got the phone call scheduling my pre op apt on July 2nd! I thought I was anxious before, but now I'm really feeling reality set in. I have been doing so good eating mostly home cooked meals and learning new healthy recipes and drinking WATER WATER WATER. I can easily drink my 64oz a day now where I use to force myself to drink half that. I feel really about it. I think and hope I've lost some weight from my changes that I have been really sticking to and finding ways to change things that I know have to change permanently. I'm taking this process very seriously and I want to show my surgeon that. Im excited to see if I've lost any weight, out should I sat how much when I get back on the scale at the office. I weigh at home but I'm not sure if the numbers match up to the docs office scale. Anyways. I'm anxious about the pre op apt. I have no idea what to expect. If anyone reading could clue me in that would be great :)

WOW my abdominal ultrasound was a pretty uncomfortable/ painful experience. Is is normal for the tech to put so much force down? anyways...

had these 2 appointments yesterday. I thought they were my last 2 evals but my doctor then decided he wants a pulmonary eval done too. Getting put to sleep for the first time was a trip!!! no complications. Other than i woke pretty emotional, but im pretty sure thats because i was getting very emotional sitting there waiting to be taken back for the procedure and i think i was freaking myself out!! 

after endoscopy I was told that i needed to be taking Prilosec daily until surgery. I didnt have a clue I had an acid problem. Also haital hernia, which seems to be pretty common the more I read on this site. 

so that leaves me taking my Vitamin D 1x a week, 2 gummy multivitamins daily, and 1 prevacid daily. Im not enthused about all the things I need to take but at least it is preparing me now for the rest of my life of taking vitamins!

So the pulmonary eval is scheduled for next friday and MY DEDUCTIBLE IS PAID AS OF TODAY!!! My Doctor told me yesterday that I should be able to schedule surgery as early as June! UHM NEXT MONTH! Wow this is so unreal, lol.

Everything is going smoothly smoothly .with all the evals, yay! My lipid panel came back showing that my cholesterol levels are good. I don't know whyi was worried I guessed i assumed that it might be high because of my diet and heavy weight. Anyways had 2 appointments today. First with my psychiatrist and then with my nutritionist. Good thing I have been reading and doing a lot of research because it was a lot of information to cover but mostly nothing new. I was mentally prepared to talk about all the big changes. Plus I have been feeling pretty good about my water intake lately-been drinking much more and trying to get on the ball. I like both of them. They treated me well and of course professionally. It was nice to be able to discuss pre op and post op diets in good detail. Tomorrow are my last 2 evals: ultrasound first thing and then the endoscopy. Ready to get this done!

This morning I had my first apt with my cardiologist and ecg test. My heart seems to be fine :) and my cardiologist gave me his blessing to progress towards surgery. On the other hand the weather suits my mood, gloomy. Not about the test really. I missed my boyfriend's (of almost 5yrs) certificate luncheon today for his college graduation. That's one thing that made me sad. I'm not really sure what in the world is wrong with me! I'm just very emotional today, like I'm on the verge of tears all day. Lots of thoughts were going through my head while I waited 30 minutes to get called back to my appointment. I still have told very few people about my interest in surgery. One person I told a month or so ago decided to blurt out "don't you think you're taking the easy way out"...while intoxicated. Is losing over 100 pounds going to be easy ANY way i go? Hell no! This is what I feared, people looking down on me. This is why I keep it all to myself for the most part. Because I just don't need the negativity. Ugh. I know what I've decided is right for me. I just want to either cry out punch people in the face when they throw that crap at me! I deserve the chance to be thin and healthy too! I just needed to vent...

I was worried that the test appointments for pre op would be so spread out and make this waiting game even longer. But everything is scheduled in may! I am totally tickled! I've been told by several ppl that with my insurance bcbs, that it shouldn't take long to have the surgery. I'm wondering what month, I know I'm wanting to fast fwd and know everything right now lol, but I'm ready to enjoy life without my weight always feeling like a factor. My new beach chair that I got for my birthday has a weight limit of 250. Most ppl wouldn't think twice about the limit! Every time I sit in that thing I'm going to be worried that it's going to collapse under me (im 285ish). Ugh. I love the beach. I can't help but think that maybe this is my last summer being this big. I never expect to get into a sexy bikini, I know loose skin will be a factor. Anyways.... I'm going on & on. I have so much on my mind! oh and does insurance approve you after all these test?? I'm a little confused.

So far after attending seminar I have had lab work -vit D, thyroid, urinalysis(just did that friday so no results yet ) done and today I got a call to schedule cardiac clearance ... I guess EKG? May 7th, I'm ready! Lol ready to get all the test done. I hope there is nothing going on with my heart that I'm unaware of. Not extremely worried about it, however there are times I feel "uneasy/tight" in the chest. So I'm glad for the test I suppose :/