mshelf3
First attempt at a Blog
Jul 21, 2010
So I have never been into the whole blogging thing. I just never really felt that anyone would be that interested in what I have to say in a forum like this but I am so incredibly curious about everyone on this website and LOVE reading the posts- that I thought I should stop being a voyeur and actually contribute.I have been overweight most of my life. I think maybe when I was 3 & 4 I was average. :) I started dieting at age 8. My first was the grapefruit diet. My entire family went on it together. I have these horrible memories of having cottage cheese and eggs for lunch. (Ok now that I have been on full liquids for almost 3 weeks- that sounds great- but as an 8 year old I just wanted peanut butter and jelly). Then when I was about 15 I went on nutrisystem for the first time. I lost like 35 pounds and I weighed around 135 for my junior year of high school. However, compared to the size 0 friends- I was still huge in my mind. When I got to college everything went out the window. Binge eating, plus alcohol!!! I gained way more than the Freshman 10. Probably the Freshman 50. By the end of college I was close to 250lbs. I never really consciously dieted as an adult until I was about 29 and tired of being single and wanted to "get healthy". I had reached probably close to 300 by that point but the only real number I have is 285. So I exercised every morning and afternoon and ate what I researched and lost about 60 pounds. I felt great. I met my ex husband and life was good. But we ate out every day and in three years I was about 330-350( I don't have a real number because I didn't own a scale that measured my weight until I was back closer to 310 and that was after yet another bout with walking and diet.
Then career and life took over and I moved and basically didn't diet at all. Of course I have always hated exercise so that compounded things. When I was 41 I had emergency gall bladder surgery and I think that was the beginning of the end. I gained over 50 pounds in the year following that surgery and I could no longer walk more than about a block at a time. I couldn't exercise even if I wanted to and I just kept seeing the scale get closer and closer to that 400 mark. I NEVER in a million years thought I would let that happen. But when you are eating everything you want whenever you want and you don't exercise- surprisingly you don't lose weight- you gain it.
Then one of my best friends was getting married. I was put in panic mode. I started researching weight loss surgery. Unfortunately there was not an appropriate time between starting this research and the wedding for me to have the procedure. I had to turn down the opportunity to be a bridesmaid for one of my oldest and dearest friends who had always been there for me. I couldn't stand for the length of the ceremony and I didn't want to embarrass myself or the ruin the ceremony. I was able to stand long enough to do a reading. Then I saw the wedding pics.... OMG! What a reality check.
So I continued through the process and now I am 6 days out of surgery. I have felt like a failure at times but I am really working hard to look at it differently. I know there are those who feel like surgery is the "easy way out" but I challenge them to go through this process and say that.
Now I pray that with this new tool and support, I can finally move and have a real life again. This website is a huge inspiration. I love all of your stories and I hope maybe this tells you a little about me.
Peace-
