nebrasfield

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So I have been bad. Gained all weight back and chucked eating right. For the last 3 years. Yep, this is one of the most horrible stories you can read. And I'm not giving details because gaining the weight is a given that I fell off the wagon. BUT once again my gastric bypass is coming to save me. I have started dumping badly. Diarrhea bad. Nasty. It happens when I eat sugar. Tested it too because I am so rebellious and back to the restroom I went. So now I must start brand new as if I just had surgery. Yep, starting with the liquid diet. I keep thinking the sugar cravings will get me, but again I have no choice at staying on track. I need to thank God again for this blessing though this time there isn't any pain or hospitals. Point blank is that I will be better. Weight loss here I come. Again. ????

So in a nutshell I had surgery in 2010 at 300 lbs, lost the weight in 5 mos down to 167, got pregnant...got a revision surgery, lapband,lap and, and never went back for a full in due to so much pain in not even getting down water. Well now it's 2017 and I'm back up to 260 due to depression, HORRIBLE eating habits, sedentary exercise life and a whole bunch of excuses.  Well no more. It's time I use the little bit of tools and knowledge I have left to get back right. It was hard the first time, but I did it. I can do it again. 

So here's the tools I am working with. Gym membership, supportive husband and friends, exercise equipment and cross fit knowledge, gastric surgery that allows me to eat MUCH more than before, but still does dumping, a lap and that gives me good portion control, weight watchers paid for (idk I may need to cancel it), all the workout gear (cloths and technology) a person could ask more.  All I need now is SELF MOTIVATION. That's where this blog comes into play.  I don't know who I am talking to, but this is a safe private p lace for me to vent, rant, like, research, review, read...with like minded people on my weight loss journey. It's like I have the world at my fingertips, yet not all in my business. I'm opening myself up in a safe haven. Thanks! 

So tomorrow I will start what is called the Military Diet.  I know diet is a bad word,  but truthfully I want to see if it works. The diet actually has foods on it I can now eat, but with portion control.  The combinations is suppose to help with boosting metabolism. One thing I do know is that I don't eat MUCH and so when I do reach for food it the wrong foods.  This diet has too much food so I shouldn't feel too hungry.  I think one of my issues is that I have taken a weight loss pill and it has caused me to NOT eat at all which I know can send your body into starvation mode. Not good. With the surge experience, this time around I want to learn to eat right, good portions without starving, without the muscle tissue lost, without the protein and vitamins depletion.  I want to do this as a life long change. I can do it. Now I start. Oh and I want to start with 30 mins/day exercise and work up to 45 mins/day=10,000 steps. I can do it!

Hello all. Well I am coming back here in my restarted weight loss journey because I felt so motivated when I started initially on OH. So here's my story in a very condensed version:

November 2009 gastric bypass 300lbs size 22/24, May 2010 168lbs AND pregnant. Size medium, 10. January 2011 gave birth. Size Large, 14. Lost baby weight, back down to 175 lbs. Got pregnant again August 2011. Had baby April 2012. Size xl. Many complications due to pregnancy (bed rest in hospital for weeks, preemie at 28 wks preg and GB) Gained weight due to very bad eating habits, fatigue, sleep apnea (Diagnosed Oct 2013). Got revisions obesity surgery, lap band, due to stretched opening leading from stomach to bypassed area. Band was horrible. Never went for 2nd filling. Never been back to doctor. Today: highest weight since 2009 is 256.6, size 16, now 251.2 lbs, size 16 more toned, after 2 weeks ago today of restarting my weight loss journey. I have given up refined sugar and processed foods. I am trying to drink at least 8 Oz a day. I do at at least 30 minutes cardio 6 days a week and 2 days cross fit. I am in the mind set of a lifestyle change NOT dieting or just want weight loss. This time around, though I have 25% help from the surgeries (which in many ways are also obstacles due to absorption levels/amount to eat), I am wiser and I KNOW I CAN DO THIS. Am I mad that I have to do this all over again basically? Nope. The GB was a success for me in so many ways. Time has passed and I picked up bad habits again and I must retrain myself. No bad feelings. I CAN DO THIS!

Get back right. Day 0. Challenging myself on a public forum with people with like struggles and goals. This is real. I have did it before, accomplished my goals and am stuck loosing it again. I'm not stuck, I'm starting over. One day at a time. Thanks self. It will get better.  

Grrrrr I just wrote a long long story of how I got here and it got deleted.  oh well guess it wasn't meant to be told.  So I will just give the gist of what's going on with me...

GB in 2009, went from 300 to 168 n 5 months, got pregnant at the 5 month mark, had that baby went from a med to a large, 8 MOS after that baby I got pregnant again, began taking some meds that made me gain like 20 lbs instantly, during that pregnancy i was hospitalized for bed rest at 27 weeks, had baby at 30 wks and my baby girl, a preemie, was in home quarantine until she turned 1 Apr 2013.  Then I started working out, focusing on getting me back right.  Well after realizing the weight I had gained of course I went into a deep depression blaming everything but the weight and now I am back up to 258 lbs.  When I had  my baby girl I was at 220.  Now I am on bp meds, sleep meds and muscle relaxers, oh and a 2 wk steroid regime.  again, now I am 258.  I went to the Dr 4 wks back to ask about the extra skin (I laugh now b/c now I know how delusional I was to think the weight came from excess skin, it was fat!) Dr asked questions about my pouch, eating too much and then ordered some tests to look inside of me.  Did all that and the verdict is my pouch is still small, but the opening has expanded.  That verdict brought me to now, I am my pre-op diet to have a Lap Band over my Gastric Bypass, band over bypass BOB, surgery on Thursday Sept 26.  Yep that's where I am.  Back on the weight loss surgery train again.  Toot tooooot.Yeah O_o.

I am not excited. Well I am a bit.  I am scared. Not scared of the surgery.  Scared of facing myself again.  I know its me and only me I have to worry about judging me, but I guess yourself can be your biggest critic. I feel as though I kind of failed myself.  I say kind of because I achieved both main goals of the surgery, loose weight and have babies.  But now I have to do it all over again just to achieve the weight goal.  I feel like I have to focus this goal on myself. Like this revision is a second chance to do this for me.  I know I can do it.    It a lot of work. Sighhhh a lot of work!!! I don't think people who haven't had a weight loss surgery can understand how much work actually goes into loosing weight even after you have surgery.  Surgery is just a expensive implanted tool I have because I failed at using more conventional means of loosing weight.  Everyone blames the pregnancies, yeah they happened, yeah I stretched, but really? A revision Nikki??? LOL this is me finally owing up to myself. I'm having a revision to loose weight, again.  I thank God for a second chance or rather the good insurance and doctors who have helped me understand that its not just me.  Its not just me, though I do have a high percentage of blame.  Yes, I do understand that.  I do understand that I failed myself on staying with proper nutrition and exercise amongst all the other things I put before myself.  I am in agreement that it is time I start anew focusing on myself and giving up all the things that are holding me back from NOT being depressed and having low self esteem.  I am ready to take this responsibility.

 So i began the title as I am back. Well I am back in so many ways. I am back to being not pregnant. I am back home from being on bed rest when i was pregnant.  I am back to wanting to make that 100 losers list...I am back to OH.  The question is my will power back to being able to achieve my weight loss goals?  There are pros and cons to each side of that coin, but what really matters right now is taking the steps to get back right.  So here I am.  I having been trying to "start" in may ways and "places", but right now I feel this may be the writing it out may be a great way to get my will power and accountability on track.  I think OH blog would be good b/c in so many ways the ppl here understand my toils and achievements.  There are also so many tools to help me stay on track.  The key is me.  I just noticed I mentioned tools.  That's exactly what everything is: tools.  I must begin to use the tools again.  I have more than others.  Some ppl are waiting and/or wanting surgery. That is/was a huge tool for me to gain.  Now I must use it to the best of my ability.  So anyways, I am going to try to use this blog to express how I feel thus holding me accountable and thus help me submit to my weight loss goals.  There is no set plan for me to abide by, so work with me. I'm trying. 

OK so I am currently weighing 218 lbs,  When I had the surgery I went from 300 lbs to 168 lbs. I had a baby and ended up around 186, which i enjoyed, and then had another baby like eight mos later.  So again I am at 218 lbs.  Now these weights are without any exercising since i was unable to do so in both pregnancies and have recently been released to do so since having the last baby.  I eat very very unhealthy for a person who has surgery, but on a healthier side than the avg non surgery obese person.  Is that even possible if they are obese???? uhhh nah lol.  So my will power has to come in the form of controlling what I eat, how I eat and exercising.  

For my first step of the plan, I have initiated tools to help with the exercising.  I am a bit limited on the food tools though.  I think in that area, I must work with proportion and less refined sugar control.  I am taking my multivitamins.  I think I am OK with my proteins and my labs.  This blog hopefully will help with accountability even if its just talking to myself, which it really is lol.  So again, will power and the act of doing is the key.  

OK so let me start.  Hmmmm.  What is a good goal for today? Start tomorrow and formulate a plan? Humph, how about I go for a 30 min walk outdoors. Nothing power, but something to get done. As for toning, I am going to start with 20 refined -push ups and sit ups and two sets of upper body toning.  All this I know I can do with ease, its just the fact of doing it.  Man, I remember a time when I COULD NT EVEN DO THAT!!!! Blessed I am!!!! OK, back to the plan lol.  For real though, that is a good example of how I easily get off task with other "thoughts".  OK, so I am going to make a quick checklist and when I finish I am going to blog accomplished.  Now as for the food part, the hard part. I will try to limit my calorie intake to less than 500 for the rest of the day. I am being very liberal I know.  I want to also limit anything I eat to less than 20g of sugar.  I need to research again my daily limits.  Ill put my expectations in my blog later. OK, gotta go. To even get the exercise part done, i have 2 babies and one 8 yr old to manage.  

I also want to say to myself, that this weight loss goal is a lifestyle change not a quick fix.  I acknowledge that, but I must embody that as a mantra.  Also, along with the weight loss, getting my household in order will help keep my other goals in order.  Also, Rome was not built overnight.  And when it was it was transformed through time. Rome will always be Rome, but some parts are gone, er roded, built upon, and destroyed by man and nature.  Rome is me.  

So i began the title as I am back. Well I am back in so many ways. I am back to being not pregnant. I am back home from being on bed rest when i was pregnant.  I am back to wanting to make that 100 losers list...I am back to OH.  The question is my will power back to being able to achieve my weight loss goals?  There are pros and cons to each side of that coin, but what really matters right now is taking the steps to get back right.  So here I am.  I having been trying to "start" in may ways and "places", but right now I feel this may be the writing it out may be a great way to get my will power and accountability on track.  I think OH blog would be good b/c in so many ways the ppl here understand my toils and achievements.  There are also so many tools to help me stay on track.  The key is me.  I just noticed I mentioned tools.  That's exactly what everything is: tools.  I must begin to use the tools again.  I have more than others.  Some ppl are waiting and/or wanting surgery. That is/was a huge tool for me to gain.  Now I must use it to the best of my ability.  So anyways, I am going to try to use this blog to express how I feel thus holding me accountable and thus help me submit to my weight loss goals.  There is no set plan for me to abide by, so work with me. I'm trying. 

OK so I am currently weighing 218 lbs,  When I had the surgery I went from 300 lbs to 168 lbs. I had a baby and ended up around 186, which i enjoyed, and then had another baby like eight mos later.  So again I am at 218 lbs.  Now these weights are without any exercising since i was unable to do so in both pregnancies and have recently been released to do so since having the last baby.  I eat very very unhealthy for a person who has surgery, but on a healthier side than the avg non surgery obese person.  Is that even possible if they are obese???? uhhh nah lol.  So my will power has to come in the form of controlling what I eat, how I eat and exercising.  

For my first step of the plan, I have initiated tools to help with the exercising.  I am a bit limited on the food tools though.  I think in that area, I must work with proportion and less refined sugar control.  I am taking my multivitamins.  I think I am OK with my proteins and my labs.  This blog hopefully will help with accountability even if its just talking to myself, which it really is lol.  So again, will power and the act of doing is the key.  

OK so let me start.  Hmmmm.  What is a good goal for today? Start tomorrow and formulate a plan? Humph, how about I go for a 30 min walk outdoors. Nothing power, but something to get done. As for toning, I am going to start with 20 refined -push ups and sit ups and two sets of upper body toning.  All this I know I can do with ease, its just the fact of doing it.  Man, I remember a time when I COULD NT EVEN DO THAT!!!! Blessed I am!!!! OK, back to the plan lol.  For real though, that is a good example of how I easily get off task with other "thoughts".  OK, so I am going to make a quick checklist and when I finish I am going to blog accomplished.  Now as for the food part, the hard part. I will try to limit my calorie intake to less than 500 for the rest of the day. I am being very liberal I know.  I want to also limit anything I eat to less than 20g of sugar.  I need to research again my daily limits.  Ill put my expectations in my blog later. OK, gotta go. To even get the exercise part done, i have 2 babies and one 8 yr old to manage.  

I also want to say to myself, that this weight loss goal is a lifestyle change not a quick fix.  I acknowledge that, but I must embody that as a mantra.  Also, along with the weight loss, getting my household in order will help keep my other goals in order.  Also, Rome was not built overnight.  And when it was it was transformed through time. Rome will always be Rome, but some parts are gone, er roded, built upon, and destroyed by man and nature.  Rome is me.  

 I have to, I am getting back on track with this weight loss. In the past few months I have broken all the rules know to gastric bypass susrgery.  I have eaten candy bars, drank sodas, ate fried food, ate and drank within 2 mins of one another, ate too much sugar and have NOT kept up with my vitamins.  I AM GOING TO GET BACK ON TRACK AND WILL GET TO MY GOAL WEIGHT OF 150 LBS.  

I know this will not happen overnight. 
I know this will mentally hurt and hurt badly.
I know I am the only one who is responsible for my success or fail.
I know I will have some up days and some down, but I must keep strieving to my goal!
I will keep a blog, food-exercise-vitamin diary.
This starts now!


Measurements: weight 185 

Hey all, just a lil update while I have insominia.  I am not 5 1/2 months preggers and have had all the syptoms possible a pregnant woman can have.  I am blessed no matter and would take them any day to be preg AND be at my current weight.  Speaking of weight, I have gained almost 15 lbs.  I was, so was doc, worried about gaining weight, but in ther last 4 wks I have gained most of this.  I am eating damn near everything, esp things I shouldnt.  I am yearning and that is all the excuse I can give.  I know once ty is this baby this out I have to be disciplined, but now I have a get out of jail card.  I dont eat fast food, much meat, chocolate, sweets or things like that, but I am sipping on soda *caffine helps with tension headaches*, I do eat chips *love the saltiness and crunch*.  I am def able to eat more!  I feel like I eat often, maining trying to keep my pouch full.  Empty pouch for me means nausea.  I am able to eat bread now.  Not a lot, but 1 piece per sandwich,  I chew sugar free gum...I like a lot.  I have eaten some low fat ice cream...ummm good, but I dare not eat any commericial ice cream from a resturant.  I am able to eat whole protein and fiber bars, which is def good.  They also add a bit of "sweetness" to my diet.  One bad thing is I have not been working out pretty much none at all. Yes I know bad bad bad me, but i have to admit being sick with preg symptoms has had me on high risk.  For my whole 1st trimester, I couldnt workout with fear of loosing more weight.  I def want to get back to it, mainly water aerobics, but just need to fit it into my sleep schedule.  As you can see I am a night owl and water aerobics is at 8 am...way early for much motivation.  I plan to get better, at least to make sure I dont gain too much more weight. 

THe baby is doing well. I am having a BOY. I wanted a girl, but now am very happy with the simpleness of a boy.  His name, right now, is to be Nariol James.  THat may change lol. 

Well that is enough update for me.  I am still happy with my decision to have surgery. I reach my 1 yr mark in Nov.  I have lost over 130 lbs.  I wear a medium in pants and sml in shirts, averaging a size 10.   My main goal has/is being accomplished-loose weight and have a baby.  I am happy and VERY BLESSED!

A lot to update, but I dont feel like writing much.  I think I should though. I am 4 mos preggers and thats going well. Still in shock that I am preg, but I def am blessed to be.  I had to come back here to see my weight change b/c I just could not remember. Seems like when I got preggers I weighed 191 and now I am 171 and thats with weight gain from my preg.  The lowest I got to was 165, but was told not to loose anymore.  My goal is to gain no more than 15 lbs, but from which starting point? I dont know.  Frustrating.  I dont want to gain much.  With the preg I am able to eat a whole lot more. I mean the capacity is even more. I wonder if its just the preg and things will go back to normal afterwards or will it stay like this.  I hope the cravings go, but I like being able to eat more of a variety and more capacity,   I just started working out again.  I have to i'm thinking since  I am eating more. I dont want to gain too much, but neither do I want to loose. 

So anyways, thats me for now.  My pics are looking nice, but I feel fat of course. I think its the hormones LOL or maybe I will always think that.  Ok ttyl.  Thanks for the support guys!!!