poohspal

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I just can't stand leavin my last post a negative one. 
I am not swollen any more.  Just a bit tender.  the fill seems to be perfect. I have restriction and as long as I follow the basic band rules, eat slow and chew chew I am doing good.  so as long as this last and I stop my late nit snacks   I will hopefully start losing!!

I went in to get my unfil. it was a tough fill again so I am a bit beat up.  He took out 1/4 .  now I am afraid it was too much but I am done with needles and docs and knives for a long time.  I just need to get my eating in control and start exercising more... Hey! Why didn't i think of this before I spent all this money?!!

Its been 3 days since my new fill and i think I might be too tight again.  I can get a little bit of liquids ( maybe 8 ounces) down but nothing else.  So I am afraid i will be going into tomorrow to get a tiny tiny, did I say tiny yet? unfill.  I feel like I am almost there!  So Close and yet. . . .

Well I went in today for the Doc to check my Booboo and get another fill. so I am now at 6 cc in a 10cc band.  Its so strange that when he did the surgery to fix the port he put in 2 cc, bringing me to 6. Then in 2 days I was back in the office for an unfill I couldn't even keep liquids down.  He took one out.  I was so not tight  after that , that I could eat real food right away!  and now with 1 cc in I feel good.  So I am back at 6 cc but! I feel real restriction and not too tight.  I am super excited!!!!!!!!  Now all I have to do is get my head to believe that I really don't want another bite!!

Wow.  and I was going to work so hard to at least keep my profile updated no matter what.  Oh well.

I did have my surgery to flip the port back.  I waited until Dec 5th because I wanted to make sure I had a clear scheldule "just in case".  Since nothing has seem to go as planned, I just wanted to be safe.  The surgery went great.  alot easier and way less painful then before.  I also had a fill at the same time, since he was there. ;)
I had the surgery on a wednesday.  I cwas having trouble keeping anything down.  I figured I was probably swollen so I waited.  by firday afternoon I couldn't even get water down, so i went in for an unfill.  on Saturday I was feeling so good, I was doing some housework and I split open my stitches. pretty gross.  I rushed to the ER thinking they would stich it but nope!  They taped it up w/ my Docs blessing and said to see surgeon on Monday.  It opened two more times.  My bathroom looked more like a triage unit w/ bandages and gauze everywhere.  But I am proud happy relieved and excited to say that it has finally completely for surely sealed closed and healed up.  It has left a bit of a weird lookin scar but lets face it folks, I was never gonna make it on the Bikini squad.  I have an appointment on Monday to double check everything and maybe have a little bit of a fill done, (if I am brave enough) .  I want say I am sorry for not keeping in touch with everyone, the journey has been a might more rockier then planned and has taken a bit of a toll, But I believe at this point this is going to work and I am counting my blessings for sure.  I am healthy, my children are healthy and as far as my weight loss jounery, I may not be where I planned but even with just the 23 pounds that I have lost to date, I am down a size, and I now weight less then I did before my first pregnancy 8 years ago.  That is a blessing and I know the new year will bring so many more new goals met.  May the new year be wonderful and full of NSV's!!!!

Boo.  something is wrong with me.  Yea!  they can fix it. so right now I can honestly say I am super happy.  at least I know its not me and there is a reason for it and best of all, they can fix it!

Okay monday i went into get my third fill. basically it was worse then the first if that is even possible.  this time I had a shot to help but it was rough and after way too many tries I was done.  I let it go on because they actually hit it the first time and i just kept hoping you know?  My surgen decided to do lab work on me since I was there to just see if there was any other reason I have only lost 7 pounds in 3 months!  I know he thought I was my eating and all.   we decided to come back another day and do it at the hospital under fluro. There it was,  flipped. completely 180. which means another surgery to fix it.  not as detailed as the first infact I think you can do it under local, we'll see. But hey!  I was so happy Yea!!  something is wrong with me! Yea you can fix it!  I just want this thing to work.
I got the labs back yesterday and my thyroid is way off. normal is like 4.6 and mine was 18.9 no idea what the numbers mean, but everyone was like get to your Doctor now and get some pills!  My PCP took one look, did his own test and wrote the script along with a load of other tests.  so here again, Boo.  something is wrong with me. Yea! they can fix it with a pill!!  This is all super duper great news to me, really.  I have been beatin myself up about how come I can't do this, why are all the fills so hard and so on. and now there is a reason to all this madness. and I am going to be my old self again!  I can't wait.  I miss me.  Life is sweet. 
I'll worry about the money later, right now I want to enjoy the pleasure.

Well.  here it is my 2 month Anniversary, and nothing. I have lost 5 pounds in 2 months!  Does anyone else see a problem with this?  I am excersing more, I am eating way way less then before and yet. . . Could I excersise more? eat better?  Yes. I know I could  improve, but honestly I think it would have been easier to do so, if I saw some results in the first place.  I don't want to be negative or down. but its so hard. I self payed for this!  I begged borrowed and scrimped to do this. This was my last hope and my only chance at a real change.  I have never been a yo-yo dieter. I never lost weight on other diets or plans. I have been between 296 and 304 for over 8 years and before that (pregnancy) it was 265 and 278 for i don't know how many years. I thought this would be different.  I am healthy for a 300 pound woman, always have been. whats going on? Am I the 2% this doesn't work for?

I am one week out of my second fill and I am tight.  Not too tight.  I can eat pretty much anything, but if I don't chew well, or if I take a too big a bite?  man oh man.  I have heaved twice, nothing major, but thank goodness I didn't stay stuck for too long.  It was awful and even though I had read and read how it felt and what not to do; I did it.  I panicked and then I drank water  and then I freaked!  Yeah, I pretty much handeled it well, thank you.  I am just grateful that after my 'upheaval' the stuck was unstuck..  Just Lucky but I am learning the lesson I tell you!

2 days ago, I got my second fill. I feel the tightness and I am going to try and eat today and see how it goes. I am excited about actually feeling something this time.  and better yet, the fill went better this time, so yea for me!
My first fill was a horrific experience.  I never posted about it because i had some close friends who hadn't had a fill yet, and I didn't want to scare anyone.  It was a 'freak' situation. Basically, my doc could not find the port, he stuck me a total of 5 times and hit a nerve 4 times.  the burning pain shot through my hip and belly button. It felt like a missed epidural.  It was traumatic to say the least.  He just kept pushing around and finally i couldn't take it anymore and said "I'm done!!"  I was hysterical and I was tryin to keep it under control just so i could get out of there and bawl in the privavcy of my own car.  beacuse I just wanted to get this done and find out whats going on, we went to the hospital the same day to do it under xray. They numbed me up and found the port about 3 inches where we were and put in 2 cc.  I felt nothing, even a week later so I had my fears that I had a leak because of all the poking.  I called the coordinator with my fears and explained I had nothing, no restricton at all.  they made me an appointment for 2 weeks from the first fill to come back in afill up again.  Even though it seemed too soon to me, and against some advice I got here, I choose to go in.  I was so afraid I had a leak, I wanted to know right now. They numbed me this time. he was unable to find it again, even though I kept the spot marked w/ a sharpie pen! ( sounds good but doesn't work).  After 2 tries and hitting the nerve again, he called in another Doc who was able to find it. My doc filled me up and with no pain.  with no leaks!! 
I now have 4cc in 10 cc AP Band.  I feel it and I am happy.  I hope my weight loss starts happening finally.  It feels tight.  I have to eat slow or I feel it tighten. I have to drink slower or it 'backs up' . its awesome!!  I am so happy and it wasn't nearly as bad as the first time, so its gonna get better and better!  Life is good and if this bands starts working life will be wonderful. 

So today is Thursday and I did my offical weekly weigh in this morning, (of course I weighed myself yesterday as well,) and then the Doc did later that same day, but its my post so i get to pick the number right?  So Yesterday morning the Scale said 279. . . okay 3 pounds!  I'll take it!  then I went to the Doc for a fill. . . I'll save that one for another post. and his scale says 282. . . the same as surgery day 4 weeks ago!!!!  then this morning, my weigh in day, for the Turkey Challenge, the scale said 277!!!!  Yippee Skippee!! 5 pounds down!!  So i'll take that one thank you very much.   I mean really, its not cheating right?  because that is my offical weigh day anyway right?. . . Right.  Yea for me!!!!