Half the Woman I Once Was

Sep 24, 2009

Today, the scale told me that I was merely half the woman that I once was.

I officially weigh 154 lbs and I have lost 154 lbs.

My father, a psychotherapist, was mentally paying it forward yesterday with a client. He called me last night to remind him what the name of my surgery was, for clarification, and my surgeon's name--Dr. Stewart is the ONLY surgeon in the area who performs ALL four major WLS. I promised my father that I would email him a list of links, regarding the duodenal switch, to provide to any one who was interested in changing their life.

A funny thing happened. I felt compelled to add some additional information about obesity to my dad--my father has always been thin. It felt so cathartic to share what it is like to live not only as an obese person in this society, but also how it feels to live as an obese person incognito in this society.  Here is part of the email:

Like I said, feel free to share my story with anyone that you think might benefit from it.

Obese people live in a world that judges who they are as people totally based on how they look. Obese people are either ignored or reviled for having the excess weight. I would say that it is the closest thing to living as a black person in a openly racist society. My heart goes out to those individuals still living in a prison of fat. Society tells the obese in no uncertain terms that they are unworthy and worthless.

All the messages say that if the obese just eat the right amounts of certain foods and move that they would not be obese any more. That lie is what feeds the billion dollar diet industry. Diets fail but teach the dieter that they failed rather than the diet itself. No wonder obese people become trapped within a cycle of depression. How can you not be depressed when you continually try and fail at losing weight?

I still fight some anger that I feel towards people who now find me worthy of their attention. I am the same person that I was before, the only difference is my outer shell. I cannot tell you how different my public experiences are now. Strangers come up and talk to me or ask me my opinion. Men walk out of their way to open a door for me--when before they would stand in front of the door until I would have to ask them to move; by apologizing for needing them to move. People look me in the eye and smile at me. The very worst is now I am an accepted member of the "normal" weight tribe. The benefit of membership is that I am granted access to the cruel, ugly jokes and the horrible things people say about obese people.

I know that I provided you with more information than you requested but I just felt the need to share this perspective with you. I know on some level you can empathize with the condition of obesity--I do not doubt that. However, can you imagine what it is like to have people afraid to talk, sit by, interact with you just because you are obese?  Like it is some disease that they can catch from you?

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