scoobydoo
Maintaining weight is getting harder
Jun 07, 2009
I have to admit, I had gotten a bit cocky. I had lost all my excess weight and had no problems maintaining-until NOW. I find myself reaching for foods I shouldn't. I also seem to eat out of habit. When I am busy, I do not even think about eating, so my stomach hasn't gotten bigger.
Support group this month was about regain and getting back on track. I honestly didn't think it applied to me. Until, I finally admitted that my weight is a bit up. I got as low as 161 this week before returning even higher to 164. So time to get REAL!
This really will be lifelong committment. My food issues are not going away. I need to make the right decisions each and every day. I know I can do it. I just have to exert some willpower. Hmmmmmmm. I CAN DO THIS!!!
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Support group this month was about regain and getting back on track. I honestly didn't think it applied to me. Until, I finally admitted that my weight is a bit up. I got as low as 161 this week before returning even higher to 164. So time to get REAL!
This really will be lifelong committment. My food issues are not going away. I need to make the right decisions each and every day. I know I can do it. I just have to exert some willpower. Hmmmmmmm. I CAN DO THIS!!!
2 Years after surgery
May 04, 2009
Life sure is different. I cannot believe how I lived before. I saw a picture of me taken right after surgery and I had already lost 20lbs. I was so FAT. I did not even recognize myself.
I feel alot better than I had been. Sunshine and riding do the trick! I met with my surgeon. He said my blood work was great and my cholesterol was 'Ideal". WOW. That is reason enought to have had the surgery. As I deal wth my aging parents, I cannot help but hope that this surgery will keep me from developing my family diseases like High Cholesterol and Diabetes. Only time will tell.
I actually had a conversation with Dr Ludwig about how hard it will be to keep enough weight on this summer-WHAT?? That is hard to wrap my mind around but I noticed that as things warmed up my appetite was just gone. I have to make sure I eat enough or the weight does come off again.
My pledge to myself is to do even more healthy choices. Eat more fruits and veggies. Take care of myself.
As for fun things, the barrel racing is back at full steam. I had my biggest win ever in April. I finally feel I am really going to make improvements and get to the level I want.
The biggest news-my son is back in the USA as we speak. I hope he does not have to deploy for a very long while.
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I feel alot better than I had been. Sunshine and riding do the trick! I met with my surgeon. He said my blood work was great and my cholesterol was 'Ideal". WOW. That is reason enought to have had the surgery. As I deal wth my aging parents, I cannot help but hope that this surgery will keep me from developing my family diseases like High Cholesterol and Diabetes. Only time will tell.
I actually had a conversation with Dr Ludwig about how hard it will be to keep enough weight on this summer-WHAT?? That is hard to wrap my mind around but I noticed that as things warmed up my appetite was just gone. I have to make sure I eat enough or the weight does come off again.
My pledge to myself is to do even more healthy choices. Eat more fruits and veggies. Take care of myself.
As for fun things, the barrel racing is back at full steam. I had my biggest win ever in April. I finally feel I am really going to make improvements and get to the level I want.
The biggest news-my son is back in the USA as we speak. I hope he does not have to deploy for a very long while.
Feeling more optimistic
Mar 05, 2009
I know I have been spouting gloom and doom lately. Growing pains I guess. I have started to feel more peaceful and hopeful lately. My weight is still up. I have made peace with that also, I am still below goal and my face as filled out a bit even with just 5-6 lbs back on. It helps that it did not change how my clothes are fitting. I really do not feel that this weight will stay on once I can get back to riding.
This is still a lifelong journey filled with highs and lows. Just gotta roll with the punches and deal..
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This is still a lifelong journey filled with highs and lows. Just gotta roll with the punches and deal..
So, I thought WLS would fix everything....
Feb 01, 2009
I have been going thru a lot of volatility in my life. Before surgery, I just had it in my head that my life would be perfect-if I could just get the weight off. I was told differently but just would not listen because I thought my life was great-except for the weight.
Then, I made my goal weight almost a year ago. My surgerversary will be April. These last couple of years have been a huge upheaval in my life. I was miserable and so sad and mad about my weight. After surgery, I was so focused on the process that I did not have time to think about how different my life would be or was becoming. Then, the backlash started. I had some people who did not seem to like me after surgery. I also had to make changes concerning some activities which no longer made sense. Before surgery I was unable to say no. I wanted people to like me, I wanted to be involved. I realized later that I let myself be used. When I lost the weight, I started to value myself more and realize that I was my priority.
There are consequences to our actions. I am living thru mine. I know I have made the right ones but it can be hard to live with sometimes. I no longer can medicate myself with food-although I have tried. I can be very moody. I have to live with rages. MY family has to live with my downs. I know I need to work on this more but this is a very important lesson. WLS does NOT FIX YOUR LIFE. WLS only fixes your weight and helps your health. It is up to us to keep trying to work thru these issues so they do not keep coming back to bite us...
2 comments
Then, I made my goal weight almost a year ago. My surgerversary will be April. These last couple of years have been a huge upheaval in my life. I was miserable and so sad and mad about my weight. After surgery, I was so focused on the process that I did not have time to think about how different my life would be or was becoming. Then, the backlash started. I had some people who did not seem to like me after surgery. I also had to make changes concerning some activities which no longer made sense. Before surgery I was unable to say no. I wanted people to like me, I wanted to be involved. I realized later that I let myself be used. When I lost the weight, I started to value myself more and realize that I was my priority.
There are consequences to our actions. I am living thru mine. I know I have made the right ones but it can be hard to live with sometimes. I no longer can medicate myself with food-although I have tried. I can be very moody. I have to live with rages. MY family has to live with my downs. I know I need to work on this more but this is a very important lesson. WLS does NOT FIX YOUR LIFE. WLS only fixes your weight and helps your health. It is up to us to keep trying to work thru these issues so they do not keep coming back to bite us...
Life Sucks...No Really
Dec 20, 2008
I suffered a major disapointment this week. I was up for a promotion. Knew I was qualified. Had the most seniority and felt the interview went great. Only to find out I did not get it.
I had put in 20 years only to get kicked in the teeth. Makes me wonder why I have made many of the choices I have. I guess it doesn't pay to be loyal to a company. Now, I am a lot harder to get hired. Economy sucks so I can not just leave. I have responsibilities. People depend on me at home. I guess I will just have to get thru until something does come up.
It is very hard to go thru. I have been grieving the loss of my hopes and dreams. Then just two days later, I had to be back into the office for a Christmas party. See the changes already taking place. I am strong. I thought I could just grit my teeth and get thru it. Seems I was wrong. It hit me like a punch to the gut. I would start to tear up, fight it off. Then something else would happen and here they would come again. Worse was when my new 'boss'-someone had trained- came back to talk to me. I just told him not now, I was having to hard a time as it is. Luckily he respected that and left.
I have to still figure out my coping mechanisms. I really tried to eat. Found out that was not satisfying. Would have liked to get drunk but I no longer drink. Lose myself in drugs-not my style. Luckily the weather cleared enough and I was able to ride my horses. Best therapy out there for me. It lifts my spirits. Lightens my heart which was broken. Hopefully time will help mend my feelings. LIFE JUST SUCKS SOMETIMES........
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I had put in 20 years only to get kicked in the teeth. Makes me wonder why I have made many of the choices I have. I guess it doesn't pay to be loyal to a company. Now, I am a lot harder to get hired. Economy sucks so I can not just leave. I have responsibilities. People depend on me at home. I guess I will just have to get thru until something does come up.
It is very hard to go thru. I have been grieving the loss of my hopes and dreams. Then just two days later, I had to be back into the office for a Christmas party. See the changes already taking place. I am strong. I thought I could just grit my teeth and get thru it. Seems I was wrong. It hit me like a punch to the gut. I would start to tear up, fight it off. Then something else would happen and here they would come again. Worse was when my new 'boss'-someone had trained- came back to talk to me. I just told him not now, I was having to hard a time as it is. Luckily he respected that and left.
I have to still figure out my coping mechanisms. I really tried to eat. Found out that was not satisfying. Would have liked to get drunk but I no longer drink. Lose myself in drugs-not my style. Luckily the weather cleared enough and I was able to ride my horses. Best therapy out there for me. It lifts my spirits. Lightens my heart which was broken. Hopefully time will help mend my feelings. LIFE JUST SUCKS SOMETIMES........
WTF??? A size 4???????
Dec 06, 2008
Lots has been going on. My son came home on leave. So good to see him. I have gotten to visit with the Grandbaby. Love that!
I needed a suit for some possible interviews. I went shopping and found out that the size 6 talls were too big! WHAT???
I tried on some size 4's and they fit. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?????
Going into WLS I was just hoping for a size 12/13. That had been the smallest adult size I had worn. Seemed completely unattainable.
Still need a size 10 on top to fit the shoulders but need the sides taken in. I cannot believe that it is me in the mirror.
I continue to keep making very different choices than I did in the past. I finally tried a couple desserts with sugar in them. I found they did not taste as I remembered. Too heavy. I am able to make a concious decision to just stick my version of treats.
I can go out and order whatever I want. I just do not eat very much.
I just worry about making the best choice each and every time. Do not make it bigger. Do not think about what you are missing-because you really aren't. It is all just a mental thing. I still find that things taste soooo good that I want MORE, MORE, MORE. So, my food addiction still exists. Never gonna go away.
Best thing is, food is NEVER as good a rush as being skinny feels!!!
I needed a suit for some possible interviews. I went shopping and found out that the size 6 talls were too big! WHAT???
I tried on some size 4's and they fit. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?????
Going into WLS I was just hoping for a size 12/13. That had been the smallest adult size I had worn. Seemed completely unattainable.
Still need a size 10 on top to fit the shoulders but need the sides taken in. I cannot believe that it is me in the mirror.
I continue to keep making very different choices than I did in the past. I finally tried a couple desserts with sugar in them. I found they did not taste as I remembered. Too heavy. I am able to make a concious decision to just stick my version of treats.
I can go out and order whatever I want. I just do not eat very much.
I just worry about making the best choice each and every time. Do not make it bigger. Do not think about what you are missing-because you really aren't. It is all just a mental thing. I still find that things taste soooo good that I want MORE, MORE, MORE. So, my food addiction still exists. Never gonna go away.
Best thing is, food is NEVER as good a rush as being skinny feels!!!
Learning to Deal with Extreme Stress
Oct 26, 2008
It has been a VERY stressful week. First, my son's Humvee hit another IED in Afhganistan which left them shaken and blew them 40 meters but not injured. YIKES!!
I got the news from my Daughter in Law. Stayed calm and then melted down when I got off the phone. How do you deal with your child being in such extreme danger?? I finally felt better when I got to talk with him 2 days later. Something about just hearing his voice.
Then came news that 2 family friends died. Hard to hear about a 53yo having a heart attack-so sad. Then, the other was only 29yo and had an auto accident. Makes no sense to me.
So, how do I cope? Well, the first thing I did was go home and get out to the barn. Messed around with both my horses, grooming, riding, etc all seemed to just let me check out and let my mind et go.
One very important lesson is how important physical activity is to my mental health. This keeps getting hammered home to me but it is unbelievable how much it helps my mental well being.
That's all for now. I feel like I have settled in so I do not always have AH HAH moments like I used to. Just living my life and enjoying being skinny.....
I got the news from my Daughter in Law. Stayed calm and then melted down when I got off the phone. How do you deal with your child being in such extreme danger?? I finally felt better when I got to talk with him 2 days later. Something about just hearing his voice.
Then came news that 2 family friends died. Hard to hear about a 53yo having a heart attack-so sad. Then, the other was only 29yo and had an auto accident. Makes no sense to me.
So, how do I cope? Well, the first thing I did was go home and get out to the barn. Messed around with both my horses, grooming, riding, etc all seemed to just let me check out and let my mind et go.
One very important lesson is how important physical activity is to my mental health. This keeps getting hammered home to me but it is unbelievable how much it helps my mental well being.
That's all for now. I feel like I have settled in so I do not always have AH HAH moments like I used to. Just living my life and enjoying being skinny.....
Slowly Returning to Normal
Sep 16, 2008
I am glad that they finally found out I had Chronic Acute Appenicitis.. Weird! I made it back to work after a week and half. I could not believe how much it took out of me. I got very impatient. I guess since you heal quick on the outside, it is hard to accept that it takes longer on the inside. I also just did not have any energy.
I should finally be healed enough to get back to riding. I have missed my horses sooooo much. They help me with my sanity. Just seeing them at feed time is not the same as brushing, grooming, saddling and riding. I know they have missed me too. They want to hang around the barn and when I come outside, Sage is always talking to me. It is surprising how much my body has changed while I have been off. I feel like my stomach has gotten soft and bloaty looking.
Speaking of that, I went and consulted with the PS. It was not at all what I expected-after watching TV like Dr. 90210. I am really hoping to get a tummy tuck this winter. I never thought I would be a person to have plastic surgery. Now, I want to erase the signs left behind by my obesity. Since I do not have a money tree, I will have to do this over time but my tummy is a priority and luckily my hubby agrees. (I know he wishes the breast lift was but that can be fixed right now by a good bra.)
This enforced rest time has been eye opening. If I was not aware of how much my life has changed I am very aware now. I had become so active. Enforced idleness just about made me batty. I aso realized just how fragile my weight management can be. I had had not problems at 165lbs. I then decided to go for 160-no problem. Then I got sick and lost 5 lbs in 24 hrs. Then, after the surgery I lost 3 more lbs. Never thought I would ever think I needed to gain weight but I did. Nothing seemed to work except I finally tried refined carbs. This stopped the downward spiral. It has been soooo hard to stop the craving this brought on. It just goes to show how these foods contributed to my obesity. My body will always crave sugar and refined carbs. I am like a junky-no, I AM A FOOD JUNKY. I had the WLS, I can not eat as much or do as much damage but it is always going to be an issue. If I return to those foods, I WILL gain weight. I will have cravings, so it is very important to be hyper aware. If I decide to have some, I need to have a strategy for after to stop from reaching for them time after time until they are gone. You see, even though you can not eat the whole bag of cookies (even the SF kind) at one sitting, you will keep eating them as soon as your pouch empties until you have eaten a whole bag in a day. Not a pretty site but important to know about and figure out if it is worth it.
Kind of a rambling post but just the way my mind works these days....
I should finally be healed enough to get back to riding. I have missed my horses sooooo much. They help me with my sanity. Just seeing them at feed time is not the same as brushing, grooming, saddling and riding. I know they have missed me too. They want to hang around the barn and when I come outside, Sage is always talking to me. It is surprising how much my body has changed while I have been off. I feel like my stomach has gotten soft and bloaty looking.
Speaking of that, I went and consulted with the PS. It was not at all what I expected-after watching TV like Dr. 90210. I am really hoping to get a tummy tuck this winter. I never thought I would be a person to have plastic surgery. Now, I want to erase the signs left behind by my obesity. Since I do not have a money tree, I will have to do this over time but my tummy is a priority and luckily my hubby agrees. (I know he wishes the breast lift was but that can be fixed right now by a good bra.)
This enforced rest time has been eye opening. If I was not aware of how much my life has changed I am very aware now. I had become so active. Enforced idleness just about made me batty. I aso realized just how fragile my weight management can be. I had had not problems at 165lbs. I then decided to go for 160-no problem. Then I got sick and lost 5 lbs in 24 hrs. Then, after the surgery I lost 3 more lbs. Never thought I would ever think I needed to gain weight but I did. Nothing seemed to work except I finally tried refined carbs. This stopped the downward spiral. It has been soooo hard to stop the craving this brought on. It just goes to show how these foods contributed to my obesity. My body will always crave sugar and refined carbs. I am like a junky-no, I AM A FOOD JUNKY. I had the WLS, I can not eat as much or do as much damage but it is always going to be an issue. If I return to those foods, I WILL gain weight. I will have cravings, so it is very important to be hyper aware. If I decide to have some, I need to have a strategy for after to stop from reaching for them time after time until they are gone. You see, even though you can not eat the whole bag of cookies (even the SF kind) at one sitting, you will keep eating them as soon as your pouch empties until you have eaten a whole bag in a day. Not a pretty site but important to know about and figure out if it is worth it.
Kind of a rambling post but just the way my mind works these days....
Home Recovering
Aug 26, 2008
I have had some health problems the past week. It started with severe pain behind my belly button and horrible nausea. I was in contact with my surgeon and had tests. I thought it was a possible obstruction but tests show it wasn't. The Dr finally decided I had a possible internal hernia. I had surgery Monday and woke up in the recovery room with the nurse saying I had an appendectomy and liver biopsy. HUH? I thought they must have the wrong chart but turns out my bypass surgery looked great-no sign of hernia. Instead my appendix had to go.
I am at home recovering. The lesson, you need to know your own body. If something is not right, you need to insist on getting it checked out. I had no complications from my surgery but being alert and having a great team at my Dr's office means I hopefully prevented something more serious from happening.
I am at home recovering. The lesson, you need to know your own body. If something is not right, you need to insist on getting it checked out. I had no complications from my surgery but being alert and having a great team at my Dr's office means I hopefully prevented something more serious from happening.
Where in the Heck have I been(or what are you doing??).
Aug 10, 2008
I have been very busy with work. We have been closing the roll. I have been pretty busy going to barrel races whenever possible. I am finally getting in timing with my new body. It takes time practice but most of all competition to get it right. I realized a dream a week ago when Scooby Doo (the real one) and I finally ran in the 1D. I had only done that once back in 1996-I think.
My younger horse is really coming on. All the riding has made for some hardcore firming up. MY lower stomach is hard-once you get thru the extra skin. I am still firming up. I had some people thinking I was still losing weight. I told them I wasn't-I'm just a lot firmer which makes me thinner looking. I went to buy some lunge shorts and even the mediums were too big. A small-how would have ever thought that??
MY son is doing better after his humvee hit the IED. He has been back on his job and I pray everyday for him and his team to make it back safe and sound.
Had a family funeral this past week. Interesting, I had cousins who had not seen me since the weight loss that thought I must be my daughter. They knew I didn't have one but it made them wonder. I just told them they were looking across the room and could not see my wrinkles.
LIfe is about finding a balance right now. After some weird crap on here, I learned a lesson to just let it go. I don't know these weird and confrontational people so they do not matter. Learning to let go is major challenge for me and how i deal with stress. We will see how I do in the future.
Other than that-life is about maintenance. keeping my food generally on track and getting my water and vitamins in.
stay in touch.....
My younger horse is really coming on. All the riding has made for some hardcore firming up. MY lower stomach is hard-once you get thru the extra skin. I am still firming up. I had some people thinking I was still losing weight. I told them I wasn't-I'm just a lot firmer which makes me thinner looking. I went to buy some lunge shorts and even the mediums were too big. A small-how would have ever thought that??
MY son is doing better after his humvee hit the IED. He has been back on his job and I pray everyday for him and his team to make it back safe and sound.
Had a family funeral this past week. Interesting, I had cousins who had not seen me since the weight loss that thought I must be my daughter. They knew I didn't have one but it made them wonder. I just told them they were looking across the room and could not see my wrinkles.
LIfe is about finding a balance right now. After some weird crap on here, I learned a lesson to just let it go. I don't know these weird and confrontational people so they do not matter. Learning to let go is major challenge for me and how i deal with stress. We will see how I do in the future.
Other than that-life is about maintenance. keeping my food generally on track and getting my water and vitamins in.
stay in touch.....
About Me
Orland, CA
Location
21.7
BMI
Surgery
04/24/2007
Surgery Date
Feb 14, 2007
Member Since
Before & After
rollover to see after photo
Halfway photo
221lbs
