scoobydoo

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I have been back at work for almost two weeks. Man, it takes awhile to get your stamina back. It is also hard to get on a schedule for food and liquids away from home.
I am tolerating almost all the foods I have tried. I suffer from taste fatigue, so I keep trying to change it up. Some of the meats are not on my list yet but I have tried some bites and the pouch approves.
I have been back riding my horse. It is such good exercise and so relaxing on top of it. There sure is a lot more room in my saddle than before.
The best news is that I am about 1/3 of the way to my goal. Only 1 more pound and I will have lost 40 lbs already. Yeahhhhhh!.
I have come to the realization that once a food addict, always a food addict. I had some stress at work and all of a sudden I was STARVING. I finally realized what was triggering this response. When you are an emotional eater and you no longer can use food as your drug of choice, it is a slap in the face. I am coping by being cranky. Very Cranky.
I was really stupid and just had to try some baked french fries tonight. Boy, did they make me feel crappy. This is a learning process and I will make some bad choices. However, the difference is I cannot throw my hands up and head for the ice cream. I have a tool that forces me to figure things out or I pay physically-and right away.
So, I will make like Pavlov's dogs and learn what works and doesn't. By the time I get where I am going, I will have hopefully figured out alternatives.
Thank god for the gift of this surgery to help me along the way.

Seems like life has decided I need challenges on top of challenges lately. (Like WLS wasn't enough of a challenge).
My nausea is doing better. My dizziness comes and goes. NOW my pouch has decided to REVOLT! Everything I was eating and drinking before is suddenly unacceptable to my pouch. It makes me gag-even the smell.
So, I have had trouble getting in my protein and liquids. Oddly enough, my solids are doing okay-once I abandoned what I was eating before and getting creative.
I have kept in touch with the Dr's office. I was like, "What is going on? Is this common?".
Found out is not uncommon. I need to go back and re-read my notes from pre-op class. 
The part I hate the most-it has made me into such a WHINER! I don't like whiners. I want solutions!
As for the weight loss, that is perking right along. Funny thing was, I wore some jeans this weekend and they were loose. Yesterday, I put on a pair again-mind you after only 1-2 lbs difference and now they are totally BAGGY! Wow! My body has really been shifting around.
I did find that the days I have the most trouble getting in the protein and water are the days I lose very little-if at all. It just re-enforces the fact that you need to get enough nutrition in the aid weight loss and prevent starvation mode.
Well, I hope this helps those who are pre-surgery to know that the surgery is not a breeze. Come on. You know you always think best case scenario when it comes to yourself!
However, would I do it again? YOU BET! I just have to ride the rough patches out and know I am already more physically healthy.

For the first two weeks after surgery I was doing so well. My pouch was not cranky and I was walking and gaining strength. I realized I would not be one of those back to work in two weeks people though, to much soreness.
About 1 1/2 weeks out I started to get a lot of dizziness. I mean the world spinning and going all gray dizziness. I talked it over with Dr Ludwig and we could not come up with an easy answer or solution. He ordered lab work to try and find the culprit.
Wellllll, My lab work is normal but I still have dizziness. Then starting a couple days after I met with the Dr I got hit with horrible nausea. Vomiting is a big no no  so close after surgery. I could trace it to starting to take the additional calcium tablets. I have been taking the two multi-vitamins with no problem. However, the nausea continued until I had to call the Dr back and they prescribed anti nausea medication. It is helping.
It was so vital to get this because when I was nauseaus, I could not get my liquids or protein in.
We will see how things go and if they get better!

I had surgery on the 24th. I was not even th least bit nervous! Everyone was very nice and seemed to listen to me this time when I told them about my problems with IV's. Woke up with pain and nausea but did not throw up. Dr Ludwig was trying to give me a painkiller that I did not have bad reactions to. Unfortunately, it appears that morphine does not work at all for me. Not even a little dent in my pain.
Once I was back in my room, they kept giving me more morphine, no effect, until they tried something else. THANK GOD. I finally got some relief. I was not up and walking when planned since my pain was not under control yet. Finally, I got up and moving. WOW! I felt like I had been kicked by a mule-or run over by a truck! Next problem was my bladder would not work. I had this problem with a previous surgery but though this one would go better since the catheter was only in for the surgery itself. Finally got some relief when the used a catheter to drain my bladder but did not leave it in. (real pleasant let me tell ya).
Next day i had to have an upper GI to verify I had no leaks before they could start me on liquids. I passed!
So, back to the room. I was feeling better, pain was manageable as long as my meds were delivered on schedule. I was walking and visiting with the other WLS patients who I had met in class. It is really a neat experience to go thru this with someone you know.
Then problems started. I had a nurse shift change and got a nurse who just wasn't there. She never checked on me. Would not respond to my call lights and only showed when I called her cell phone and then was off in a hurry. I was getting very stressed and upset because I could see how different it was for my roommate who had a nurse that actually was there and seemed to care. My pain medication wore off and I was in serious pain!
My Mom & Dad had come in and my Mom went down to the nurses station and rasied hell. Here comes my nurse who starts blaming me for not calling her. I told her this was not wokring and I wanted someone new. This was a very hard decision because you are so dependent on the nurses and you do not want them MAD at you. However, I got a lot of care by the charge nurse and then a Nurse Mgr who promised this would not happen again. Things got better.
The stress and my pain getting out in front again made my Dr decide to keep me in the hospital another day. My room mate had a similar problem with the pain and she had to stay also.
Food, yech. Not real appealing. One change from the surgery is I have turned into the "burpee queen". Every swallow causes me to burp. I have to get up and move to burp or I get some serious gas pain.
I worked real hard to get my liquids in so I could go home on Friday. 
Pain is still an issue. 
Once I got home, trying to figure out where I could sleep was a challenge. I slept the first night in my chair. The second night on the couch and I now am able to sleep in bed since I have figured out how to get out of it.
Today is the first day that my pain is not knocking me around. I am very happy that I am able to get my protein and liquids in. Some of my friends I know are having getting the right amount in. However, that make me nervous, is my pouch already stretched? How come I can get them in and they can't?
Oh well, alot has happened and I needed to get them down before they fade from my memory.

WOW! The liquis diet has been very hard for me. Day one was okay, body and brain were in denial I think. Day 2 they were screaming for vengeance!  It was one of the hardest days I ever had. Stomach growling, nausea, bitchy, witchy attitude. IT WAS HORRIBLE!
I made it through. I know I HAD to do it-DR's orders. I know now that I CAN control my eating, if I have enough motivation.
Day 3, not easy but better than day 2. I was back at work and I think keeping busy helped.
Day 4-today. Definitely better. I am having trouble getting enough protein in. Once you have to drink nothing but liquid protein, all of a sudden thing's you had tried in the past become not so great.
I went and got another brand and it went down really well this evening. Not getting enough protein was probably one of my problems.
I met with my surgeon and nurse today. THEY ARE AWESOME! I think I I have such a great impression of Dr Ludwig that it has kept me from feeling nervous about the surgery itself.
I have only a week to go. I thought the difficulty with the diet would be helpful to others when they reach this stage. It does get better and you just have to stay strong.

Tonight was the night. I start the liquid diet tomorrow. I have been saying goodbye to many old favorites. I know in my heart that there will never be a time I can go and have them again. Too much FAT. Too much SUGAR. If I were to relapse, it would not only make me sick but also cause me to crave them even more.
I have beaten caffeinated soda. It has been two weeks since I had any. I will need help to get off the fat and sugar-this is why I am having the surgery.
I have not been freaked out or nervous (YET!). Some around me are more wigged out. I had a moment on the way to dinner where I felt like I could start to get emotional. I just shut it down because I realize that while I said goodbye, these are things that have not been a true comfort or friend to me. Friends do not do this type of damage to one another. They do not promise to make you feel better and then make you feel worse.
I really am okay (as of tonight). I am nervous about how I will feel on the liquid diet. Will I feel empty and hungry all the time?  I just do not have those answers yet.

Well, I have informed everyone I felt like. I am keeping this news on an "on the need to know" basis. I do not have the time or patience to justify or defend myself from the rude and uninformed comments that would result.
I am still exercising. Jack & I went on an AWESOME trail ride today with Sage & Scooby Doo. We laughed and just really enjoyed ourselves.
I am in countdown mode. I start the pre-surgery liquid diet on Saturday. I am not been hogging out but I have been saying goodbye to some food favorites. I am not feeling real emotional yet, although that comes and goes.
My pre-surgery appt is tomorrow. I will get lab work, ekg & chest x-ray done. At least I do not have to have others test. Probably since I have so many parts missing.
I am nervous how the liquid diet is going to go. One of my friends started hers 3 days ago and she said it is doable. I know this is going to be a challenge. After surgery will not be as bad since I will have my pouch to help me comply.
Oh well, life as I know it will change drastically in only 5 days.

I got the call on thursday that my insurance came back in two days and APPROVED my surgery, yeahhhhhhh!. I could hardly share this momentous news because I was heading out of town for a barrel racing secretary job in Sunny (smoggy) Southern CA. This trip reminds me why I CHOSE to live in the country. There are just way to many people down there!
I got a followup call on friday giving me all my details but I was so busy and did not get home til 11:30pm last  night. So, today I have been working on the particulars and details to get ready for surgery-VERY SOON.
I have had trouble finding proteins I like-I know this is a common problem. I have only 12 days until I start my pre-op liquid diet. YIKES! Knowing its coming and knowing it's starting in only 12 DAYS is a very different thing.
I am still tired from my trip. I was still able to get my walking in today. I can walk over 30 minutes at a time. I also walked another 15 minutes this afternoon. I have been hearing so much about addiction transferance and I am determined I will make exercise my new addiction (hee hee-if only).

I am soooo frustrated with my psych evaluation. I the appt 3 freaking weeks ago and the Dr said I passed. Unfortunately, since then, the LETTER, which my surgeon needs to submit to the insurance, is still missing. A week ago the office manager said it was done and she PROMISED to have it out in Friday's mail. This is in the same town as my surgeon. It STILL has not arrived. This person has been on vacation all week (or somewhere) so, still no results. This is my only holdup!
I had my pre-surgery class yesterday. It was full on information. I am wondering how I'll survive on a liquid diet. I am sure the first few days will be okay but then the need to CHEW something will probably be rearing it's ugly head. If I can just make it to surgery, I am sure my physical condition will help me to stay ontrack.
As a results of meeting with the nutritionist, I have been weaning myself off of caffeine soda. It was sooooo ugly earlier but has been getting less bad. I was so mean, grouchy, whiney-I could NOT stand myself. The headaches were sweet-NOT.
So, I am making progress on my personal goals of eating healthier snacks and getting my exercise in. I have been walking a minimum of 30 minutes a day. Some days, I get in more. I think this is good. I want to get my body ready for the surgery by being as strong and in shape as I can by them. (although with the letter, it might take awhile!).

Well, I made it through. I am such a worrywort! I was stressing and wanted to have the whole day mapped out. Jack decided to work on the new pickup and needless to say, we were driving like maniacs to get to the appt on time.
I felt I learned a lot from the nutritionist. I really need to work on some of my food issues and come up with some strategies when I am faced with bad choices or situations so I do not turn to "BAD" food. So, the next day I took the healthy snack list to the grocery store and stocked my office up. I am very lucky to have a co-worker that is very supportive to me. So, she is doing the healthy snacks and walking with me. She keeps me accountable during the workday (which is a VERY good thing).
Dr Ludwig and his staff were wonderful. We are lucky that he does the seminar himself and gets to know us first instead of just seeing us before surgery. He really explained the process and what to expect. I truly know this is the right answer for me. My cycle of diet failures is about to stop.
They gave us some different protein drinks to try and I was lucky that both seemed fine to me. Later, I went and bought some liquid vitamins and they were disgusting!!!! So, I tried the Centrum Chewable and those I can tolerate.
I am always motivated at first. So, I am trying to change some of my eating behaviors ahead of time so I can get off on the right track. What I will need to work on is my self sabotage after I lose a certain amount of weight. I really need to understand this process and avoid this tendancy in me. The nutrionist was helpful with some suggestions if I start to have this problem.
My biggest enemy will be boredom. I get bored with stuff and then go off the wrong direction.
I had  whole soap opera involving the letter from my psych evaluation. Goods news today, it is ready to go to the surgeons office in todays mail. This is my only holdup.
I already heard that one of my friends got her surgery date already. She is about a week ahead of me in this process, so I can only hope mine will go smooth. She and I have the same insurance. I think I better start praying-or just use the "secret" and vibe it into being. Congrats to her!