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so, i will be going to Rome and Greece in 6 days, it is a 9 day trip. it is part of an "educational tour" of which my younger sister signed up for, and (my parent being cautious of having their baby going alone with some strangers) have "commisioned" me to go as well. OH BOY! the troubles i endure!! LOL

WELL... doing this trip....realizing that i will be on a plane for the 2nd time in my life (this time  a 2 and 10 hour flight, and this time at 65 pounds less than before) as well as knowing i will be doing a LOT of walking in some 90 somthing degree weather..... i have opted to get some new clothing.

i obviously plan to lose a LOT more weight, so i have not yet wanted to make the investment into a new wardrobe.... yet, considering all i wear are JEAN SKIRTS< and only ONE fits now.... i have bought a few new things.

Mostly SUNDRESSES and some peices that are very versatile and even if/when i lose more weight, these items wont make me look drab or bummy if i continue to wear them down the SKINNIER road.

Other than this, i am VERY excited for this ROME trip! it is a EDUCATIONAL tour, so  i will not jhave the freedom as if i had went alone, but....how many times in my life will i get the chance to go to another country on someone elses dime?!? as well.... as the GREAT oppertunity to spend some time with my lil sis!

so... i had my 3 month post op appt today... everything went well. i asked a million questions, and got some great answers. one of the awesome things, was i was given some sort of status paper/bar graph... it showed me my weight loss as my each appt date.... according to this... i lost 17 pounds the first month and second month..and the GREAT part.... i lost 22 pounds this past month!! ive been doing GREAT (i think lol). BUT... according to this graph, they have my GOAL/TARGET weight as 140lb....OMG!!! THERE IS NO WAY I CAN GET THERE!!! lol..... but, if i was to truly work toward that goal... then i have acheived 37% of the EWL so far....so far so good!

other than that.... the PA is going to moniter the right side abdominal pain that i have quite often.... i dont think it is gall stoned or n e thing, cuz ive had  this pain since right after surgery....but, it def couldnt hurt to keep an eye on it....make sure there is no progression ya know.

SO.... ive been ordering some cheap clothes from ebay, since i dont have much to wear lately, plus i need some comfy clothes for my rome trip next month..... SO... i got a new skirt in today, size 18, and it is SNUG, and a LARGE sundress, which looks GREAT! i just need to wear a shirt under it to hide my bra in the back lol.

i feel SO great. things are going well so far....yay me!

 i just would like to say....GO ME!! lol.... the hardest part after WLS for me, has been the "mental addiction" to food.... UGH! i could eat all day long if i wanted... (well, i really COULDNT now lol)....but anyway... tonight at work,... we were provided with some FREE cake and ice cream.... i had almost ABSOLTELY no urge to get some! i was SO content with my piece of chicken breast and few bites of taco salad (minus the taco meat) YUM!!! go me!  getting better every day!

60 lb gone so far!

SO... i am now a bit over 2 months post op... and i find that i have a LOT of sleepiness... i would not even clasify it as "fatigue"... but, basically, when i go to bed after work, i feel as tho i can sleep ALL day, and probably WOULD if i didnt live with other poepl who wake me up lol.
now... my problem with this is... i was sort of like this PRE-OP as well! so... im going to let my time go by, and basically try to absolutely tell if there is a difference in my pre and post op sleepiness. I think i am doing very well on keeping up with my vitamins (im slacking on my iron a bit, since i take it at night right before work.... im SO forgetful!) lol... im also taking B12, which, when i feel this GREAT sleepiness, i will take one or two of my B12 tablets, and i think they work well to aid in some energy, i just wonder if taking a bit more than insstructed will have any adverse affects. i dont think so.

WELL... im going to get some blood work done this week, to have it ready for my may 20th post op appointment.... So, we shall see if all of my bloodwork is going well... i also want to see (according to RN or DOC "profesional opinion") If i am on track with my weight loss.

GYM UPDATE: so... i havnt worked out since the other day, but i did go tanning again! lol... i cant wait to look all tan again! YUM! But... i have set a concrete goal for myself.... TODAY, BEFORE work, i will sit down with a CALENDER, and schedule out my work out days... i will set up days that i will go to the gym, and i will STICK TO IT! (hopefully)

so..... by tomorrow, as INSANE as this is going to sounds (and be)... i am going to have THREE gym memberships!! lol...LOOOONG story short.... ive had a YMCA membership for YEARS, i JUST signed up with the gym at my job (i work for the local hospital and they have a very adequate gym, right across the street)...i did my "wellness" test with this gym, and it went well... the membership is only $10.00 a month, which is WAY more than amazing....WELL...this is where is gets complicated.... there is a gym franchise chain in town now, called PLANET FITNESS...well, they also have a $10 per month membership...big whoop.... YET.... they also haave a "black card" member, that is $20.00 a month, and the FANTASTIC thing is.... among other great things, it includes UNLIMITED TANNING!!! there is no way to get a tanning membership less than 35 bux  around here....so, now i am going to sign up with this gym too!! LOL

THREE gym memberships... one, only if for the tanning.....MAN!!! im SO excited! fit, and fried!!! YUMMY!

so... long story short... i am 2 months post op, and i have lost apx. 50 lbs......  i weigh myself a LOT so this differs everyday..... but my pre-op weight was 293, and is now a tentative 240......i am SO incredibly happy about this! FIFTY POUNDS!! i mean... i could have NEVER done this by myself!
yet.... as many of us are, i am an "instant gratification" type of person...so, as time goes on, and THINK my weight loss is slowing, i feel.... "im not doing as good as i can....im not losing quick enough"..... it also doesnt help to get NEGATIVE comments from a boyfriend who is so emotionally INEPT that his words make me feel like a loss (he is well intentioned, just doesnt know n e better lol)

so....tonight,  i looked on all of my friends pages, to compare weight loss examples.... i guess i am doing ok. EVERYday, from friends, family, and coworkers i see everyday, i get the most FLATERING compliments....but that never seems to be enough.

so... in short, i have run into an obstacle i did not know was waiting for me.... how do i explain this? UM.... loss of self-appreciation or gratification? maybe. basically, a lack of trust; respect and expectations in myself. Rationally, i know i am doing well...and i know there is ALWAYS room for improvement......but, as with many things in life... i cant help but think i am NOT on the exactly correct track pertaining to my WLS.... 50 pounds in TWO months... wow....so, why arent i too happy about it?!?

soooooo... when i began my venture into deciding about this surgery (roux en y feb. 23 2009) i looked deeply into pricing and how my insurance covered this procedure.... long story short, the week before surgery, i was told my the insurance company and the hospital i went to, the EXACT price of this procedure (which just happened to be the maximum out of pocket expence for my insurance)... so, i GLADLY paid this surprisingly low amount...and went on my merry way into weightloss land lol....NOW... the story has become somewhat a nightmare....
a long story even longer.... i am currently waiting for an apx 700 dollar REFUND from the hospital (as i overpaid for this procedure)...but... then, i have to pay the anesthesia (spelling)....and on top of that, i will owe (in all) and added 600 to my surgeon!!! AGH!!! i thought it was SO clear cut and easy.... i spoke with the people who gave me the initial price of the procedure, to find out WHY all of this is happening, and on top of it, i owe an added 600.... their ONLY response is... "oops, we must have missed that"

DAMN! its hard to NOT let this get to me.... it wouldnt be so bad if i just owed 600, but on top i have to facilitate refunds and additional payments to offices..... i just need to remember, that this is NOT the end of the world... all in all, the price is still very lovely....yet the pain in my ass is not! lol

i guess its DEF all worth it tho..... 50 pounds lost so far, i am at the point that i am desperately trying NOT to compare my weight loss and timelines with others, its hard tho.. i want to do better, and i can.

on an added note... i was putting groceries away the other day, and i picked up a 5 pound package of ground beef.... WOW this is heavy! i think.... and i think further, the look and weight of this package...hm..... 5 pounds.... if i take TEN of these packages, this is how much weight i have lost!!! DAMN! i thought that this ONE package of meat was heavy!  how did i ever carry around all of that weight?!

ok.... so this monday, i will b 8 weeks post op, exactly.;... things are going very well!! i am almost COMPLETELY healed from where i had that Gtube in for 6 weeks, just a lil bandaid over the area now.
so...also, this monday, i am off of my post op dieting! all foods i have eaten to this point, have gone along very well! SO well, to the point that im thinking...what did i do? i hear all of these horror stories about certain foods (pastas, breads, etc) and how hard they are to get used to again, and how some can never handle these foods again.... but i have tried some lasagna, it went great! i had some of a bagel on one occasion, and half a muffin on another occasion... i took my time, knowing the history of others, and nothing bad happened!! im thinking, did i already stretch my pouch or somthing? i didnt think it would be this easy.

well.... i do realize that i need to get over my excitement of getting off this post op diet.... very soon, now even, is when my mind is everchanging its opinions on foods..... on the types i like, the amount i eat, and how often i eat. i also need to start working out! JJEEEEZ i dont wanna get all out of shape and flabby... i want to make the VERY best of this "tool" i have now... and i understand that do that, is by eating healthier, working out on a daily basis, and taking care of this body as i never have before.

well... i am at work now, just killing time, so not too much to say.... but, as i said, things are going well...and im only about 2 pounds away from having a total loss of 50 pounds! :)   yay me!

46 pounds gone so far... wow! Do i notice it? Yes, i think so. lol... my clothes fit better, i feel better MENTALLY... i am noticing as time goes on... when i see different friends, coworkers, or family members... it is becoming so ODD/UNCOMFORTABLE to constantly have these people act on the brink of SHOCK when they see me! the compliments and positive reaction is WELL accepted, "WOW, blaze u look GREAT!"  "Wow, blaze.... ur a skinny minnie now!"..... as i said, i like the POSITIVE reaction... but, i feel a lil at odds with this... becuase i am not particularly searching for compliments, and i am a person that ALWAYS questions the engenuity of the persons words... i just think..."wow....did i look THAT bad beofre?" lol

So... on another note... i have a few new pics up, showing off my new do ;)..... so... i have rediscovered the JOY of coffee! i am a HUGE COFFEE LOVER! and.... i was very afraid that once i had to CUT OUT my sugar intake, that coffee would be no more....WELL..... spelnda is VERY good in my iced cream latte!

HM.... i had more to say, i cant recall now.....OH..... I had my Gtube taken out... its is almost completely healed.... just a very shallow and small hole now, maybe the diameter of a dime. I am loving it.....YET....the skin around that area is SO incredibly SORE..... i have torn some skin already, it is horrible... and other parts of my skin in that area is so raw... i can WAIT till i dont have to TAPE up anymore! OOOOOHHHHH...my poor belly.... its ok tho.... it will thank me later ;)

WELL.... i still have 2 weeks to go until i am done with my post op SPECIFIC diets... i cant wait to have some chicken! lol.... but.... i have weaned myself onto some breads a little more... just tiny bit..... eggs of all style are great (fried, omlet, scrambled, etc)... lets see.... i have had cheetos and some chips with dip (not the healthiest thing, but, i needed to see what would happen lol).... what else?... just the typical mashed potatoes, tuna fish, slamon, etc.....ugh... owell... things will blossom wonderfully.... it is going to be a WONDERFUL adventure into the NEW world (for me at least) to healthy and fun foods!

**just a note.... before surgery, i had a goal for myself, that once i lost 50 pounds, i would get  a new tattoo...well...thats a bullshit goal....lets make it 75 pounds!! YA HEARD ME! 75 pounds, keeping it off for at least a week....and im getting a new TAT! yipee for me!

SOOOO... i had my G-tube taken out yesterday... i was SO scared it was going to HURT....it was NOTHING! i felt like such a baby afterwords... it didnt hurt at all... and now i feel SO much better! Its going to take apx 7-10 days to heal completely! but.... i already feel 100% better... no more favoring my left side cuz of the tube, no more draiining or flushing.....its heaven! (next to being able to eat REAL food again! lol)

So....other than that... all is well... in 6 weeks i have another docs appt, and getting bloodwork done. so.... we shall see how im doing as far as my nutritional intake....good, i think ;)