tara-b

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well , managed to get back on track today. As sore as my feet were last night , i even managed a 90 minute walk at the multiplex this afternoon. didnt plan on that long , but there was a midget hockey tournement on and they didnt have their clock going like uaual , it was said for the game so once i had the ipod on (yeah i broke down and bought one the other day, glad i did too) lost total track of time. course it helped not looking at the game or the direction i was going , but keeping eyes on the floor , so i wouldnt notice i was a pony attatched to the thether in the centre walking round and round and round and round................................................. u get the idea now im sure.
so 2 more days of work then i leave for washington on tuesday am. surgery booked for wednesday morning. getting a bit more nervous about it all. now the nervousness is starting about wondering if it will work  for me , if ill be able to tolerate the band , if ill be able to change my eating habbits , if ill be able to keep up with the evercise to help it along as well.
and of course the fact that i live 250 miles from my surgeon and have to go that far for my fills. from reading the posts i see often people saying , that it takes a few hours or days for the fill to settle and then sometimes 2-3 weeks for it to show up as a change in how much i can eat. sooooo now my fears come in about over fills . what happens if i get home and cant handle the fill amount, then what, am i screwed till the following week when i get days off work again and can run down for a bit of an unfill. that will cost me a fortune in gas and such.
i have told the doc and nut and even psych that i think id rather be underfilled then over filled , but then what happens if the fill is too little and nothing happens , its a wasted trip , 2 tanks of gas( i pay nearly 7.00 a gallon right now and they say it will go up again soon) i know that that will be tax deductable but it will still take time to get that back . a year to be exact.
i know i have to not look to much at the financial end , of this , but it is an issue as well. one i hope will not interfer with my success. i guess ill have to make a choice to make it not interfere.
i saw a post today about what they had put on their medic alert band thing i thought it sounded great . makes me wonder how big of a charm it will take as i will also need to add sulfa drug allergy. ill skip yeast and lactose intolerant as i could suffer with that if needed , but the rest i think i should ensure it is on and get one since it isnt doen much here in b.c.
crap my typing sux. guess thats due to the dyslexia i hav. i alsways type backwards or get to many letters in what im trying to say.
anyway 8 pm almost. got to go clean a couple bathrooms so tomorrow is just a vaccum day and monday pack and laundry. there is gal coming in to stay at my house and look after my kitten while i am away. im not sure who looks forward to it more , my friend or the kitten. oh yeah gotta changer her poop box too.tomorrow. not tonight, dont feel like it now.
my friend doesnt have pets and she seems to have really taken a liking to sedona , so its probly a plus for her , not so lonely , and of course there is the hot tub too which she doesnt have.
so its off to clean the bathrooms

tara-out

well , i just couldnt help myself . i just had to take a break away from the pre -op how ever i think i made good choices , im not sure. i tired to keep to just protein as much as i could and also watch the calorie intake.

i think i did pretty good.

breakie- 40 cal thing of yogurt , 2 pieces of cheeze string

lunch well i sucked alll day on a protein drink from the health food store GNC. it was flavourless but i added it to water and cystal lite. it was ok but i couldnt stand the after taste of the whey or the smell of it.so itook me 3 litres of water to get it all down. it didnt help much with the smell but it did with the after taste and that was only scoop. it actually called for 3 in the size bottle i was drinking. but i wasnt hungry

supper

couple hard cook eggs
1 of thos thinsation oreo cookie things that are 100 cal
and a few carrot

so what cha all think? was that ok or real bad no no


tara

well in exactly one week i will be banded. although i know i need to have this done and im excited about having it , i find my self at times feeling nothing either way about it all.
maybe its cuz i had a few surgeries alread so i know how i react and dont react to anisthetic , maybe its cause i have read so much i feel like im totally prepared and i just need to get it done so i can start my new journey.
how ever im sure i will be asking all the questions i already think i know the answers to from reading the boards. it's funny cuz i see the same questions written by people over nad over and over and i think to my slef sometimes , geez these guys are regulars in here and i know they read the posts as they post lots and i always see most of these names , so why when the question was asked 2 days ago are they asking again , but i guess it because until it happens to you  , no matter how prepared we think we are , we forget everything that we learned , and enter omg panic mode for a time and instead of slowing down , catching our breath and thinking about it , we panic cuz it hurts , were scared , were hungry , were thirsty , or what ever it is and that is first and foremost in our minds.
ok well i thought id be writing a bit more about this but im falling asleep so im going to bed and will continue this thought tomorrow if i can remember it.

tara-out

im sitting here at work , bored to death. this week is going by so slow and of course with a manager like mine , the slowness is worse than having teeth pulled with no freezing. infact that might be even tolerable. since we had the problem before xmas over her being so nosy , regarding my up coming surgery , she is kind of doing 2 things. she is ignoring me for the most part , but she is also  seeking revenge very carefully. yesterday i got note in my mail slot reminding me how many days i had been off work last year ( i was off 6 month on stress leave cuz of her mostly although i did also have a relationship end that got kinda messy and i  had to take him to court a couple times. i almost answered her note by saying yes i know how many days i missed last year , and i was off cuz of you, call my councilor he will confirm it. but i thought i had better becareful and not rock the boat to much for a bit how ever when i get back from surgery and the other manager from the other house is back from his vacation im gonna set up a meeting with him and go and talk to  him about what is going on and seek some advice. im not the only one who believes this woman has lost it and needs to be on a nut farm or a better yet a loced ward island some where off the map , and undiscovered island would be nice. she can pick rocks and dust the dirt there and tell all the animals how to live and drive them crazy with her negative attitude.

ok so now im home , and have decided to finish this on an up beat note or two , or maybe even 3 or 4 who knows lets just see how it goes.
ok so i have 1 more week to go before surgery , one more week of this terrible pro -op diet ,then it is on to this new life of mine that im having a tool put in to help me be a happier and healthier person. no not a screw driver , or a jack hammer , or even a penis , (yes i said it , ssue me) it is the lap band. im already well on my way (or at least i think i am ) to making exercising a daily habbit which i desperately need to do to mak this work. i have dumped many things out of my cupboards that i know for sure i will not be able to eat after banded , and some i have kept as im not sure m but if i have to get rid of them too ok they will be gone too.
yesterday , i decided on whim to try on this pair of jeans i havent been able to wear in nearly 2 years and they fit, it fact almost to big already. well they are big in some places but the waist is ok still. atleast im not hiking them up every 5 min.
3rd positive thing: i am so glad that my friend chelle sent me to this site when she first started considering the surgery , i researched and researched and researched and when i finally made the decision  of course having the money to do so was a great factor as well or i probly would  have done so sooner , but things happen when they are supposed to. this site has been great. i have learned so much from everyone including you all on my friends list whether you read this or not , please let your self feel my appreciaiton of all you have taught me and more. without this site , i really would be lost as there are no lap band support groups within 200 miles of me , there are 2 wls groups ,,one 40 miles and 1 80 miles , but im pretty sure that if and when i get the chance to go ( shift worker) i will most asuredly be the only lap bander there.
so this site will even become more important to me in the weeks and months come.
and the fourth positive thing , i know that being able to follow the pre op diet for as ling as i did and hardly cheat at all , that i will be successful with this band and that you all be there cheering me on , that in itself makes me feel so important , like a someone that someone cares about.
take my friend chelle again. we have been friends for years , she was willing to take care of me in her home and take me to mexico for the surgry had i been able to come up with that money and when that didnt happen , but i finally know im having in seattle washington , she makes every effort she can to come and see me while im there after the surgery. now i know she has kids there too and most time will be with her family , but just the idea that here is this woman whom i have never met except for online and we have carried a frindship longer that most on line friendshihps i bet  , flying all the way to seattle from texas so we can finally meet,i love ya chelle we are truley sister of spirit and i wouldnt chang out friendship for anything , even that dead beat , and yes you know who i mean. god what a mess that was for me, amazing how long it took the true colors for that one to show up. so my plan is this , it is to pay it forward. chelle did all u could to make it possible for u to come see me and support mein this journey  , right off the bat even. so to pay i t forward i am going to try and get our friend susanto at least start researching this and seeing if her insurance plan covers itt, it it does im going to try realy hard to get her to a seminar and let her see how happy she will be with out the weight she is carring and the other errrr dead weight she is carrying for lack of better explanation.maybe this is what she needs to kick some things to the curb yah know?
ok well i have no ide how long this blog hsd become but i must thank 2 more people before i sign off on this.
first off i must thank wendy...she and i have become good friends very quiclkly ,s he works at the NWWL im going to and is related to many peoplein my area , as we have a bit of a bond but we also seem to have lots of things in common as well. i feel like i can ell her anything that is great...i hae a new friend in her.and i have to thank dr. montgomery for agreeing to do the procedure and so soon. put pks dont role your eyes at me , chelle is coming and perhaps u might even meet her, im pretty sure wendy will.
ok signing off for now im getting sleepy
but for those of you who read my blogs enjoy.

PS IF U CAN EXPALIN TO ME HOW TO GET A IPOD TOCOPY CD'S ONTO THE I POD PLS LET ME KNOW. ALSO IF THERE IS SOEMWHERE
I CAN DOWN ;OAD FREE TUNES SOMEHERE WHERE I CAN PUT THEM ON THE IPOD THAT WONT COST ME


TARA-OUT

wow!!!! i just "tried" on a pair of pants i haven worn in like 2 years , and they friggin fit. infact almost to big already

dont get me wrong i still hate this pre-op diet but this has made me feel better today

tara-out

omg i am sooooo tired of this pre op diet.

how will i ever survive a week on full fluids after im banded.

i am so not used to eating fake food frozen in a box. or a can of im not sure what.

i know i have posted before in my blog that i made the choice to start the pre op diet as soon as i got home from the consults back in december. and other than having xmas dinner and xmas eve which i ate very little and xmas brunch xmas day again eating very little , i have not faltered off it once. except after standing on the scale a couple weeks ago and eating the sausage and the pancake which were totally disgusting. i have added the odd piece of cheese when i have felt very tired at work as i am busy and on my feet for 9 hours when there. it is both tiring mentally and physically but only cuz im forced to move at times quite slowly due to the clients i look after and their slow mobility. i swear sometimes it takes 40 min to get to the van they are so pokey and moody.
anyway my point. im so bored with this pre op diet. im tired of the fake food as i call it, i think i am developing an allergy to the words leine cuisine , and smart something (the weight watcher meals) god they are really getting on my nerves. everything has pasta in it or rice , mostly pasta. and what do banding tell us?? that weprobly wont be able to eat pasta in the future and that carbs should be eaen last and limited so to me this really makes no sense to me to even add it.
i hardly ever ate pasta before and never bread or potato and et im fat> so does that mean if i had eaten it i would be thin? makes no sense to me.

anyway , 8 more gross dinner till surgery . im trying so hard not to think of it those terms and go one day at a time , but im nearly a month on these foods and im sick of it.
i go down to my deep freezer to pull out a so called meal and in there my organic chickens , and organic turkies , and deer and elk and moose are all staring at me , good healthy food , no drugs , hormones , or water  forced upon them to grow and fatten up. but real meat , meat that tastes like it is posed to taste and i cant eat it...YET!!!!. so i quickly grab a box shut the dorr and run upstairs before i cry .
even my kitten doesnt try to eat this crap im eating at the moment. doesnt that tell us something??? it sure does me. although she doesnt get people food and doestn try to eat it anyway , but a cat that isnt interested in real food real salmon caught in the lake or river late fall just waiting to be thawed and eaten and even she isnt interested. hmmmmmm something to think about the next time one goes to grocery store and looks at the meat in there.

ok i have to stop or im gonna get depressed here.

missing real organic and fresh food

tara-out

i did it anyway. so im like 10 days away from surgery  and today at work as usual i had my glucerna thing at around 9 am or so probly closer to 930 or 10. no biggie.
then i got busy and forgot to have the second one. by the time i got home it was 530 pm and hadnt eaten since that glucerna meal replacement this am. i stopped at the store to get a tv guide and took a look at the low cal tv dinners at the store as im really getting tired of them and still 10 days left of this eating. anyway i saw a lasagne one that i hadnt had before by swanson, not really low cal but total cal is 430. now my surgeon told me 800 cal a day. had the 1 can of glucerna which is 230 and then the tv dinner thing. i was hungry ate the whole thing altho know i was quite satsified with just over 1/2 .i finished it off cuz i was a bit worried i would lapse into habbits im trying to break , like not eating all day and then eating all night off and on. so my thought was if i eat till full , then by the time i would even think about eating again i wil have had my walk on treadmill , cleaned up kitchen , had my soak in hot tub and be heading off to bed.
i guess ill know how good of a thing this was to do when i get on the scale in a couple days. if there is a gain it probly wasnt a good thing to do. time will tell.
ok well short but sweet , got out what i needed to , feel free to comment , if you like, i am full and although severely uncomfortable , i am uncomfortable , so i think im already getting my answer but im curious as to what others think , so comment away

tara-out

a couple hours ago , or 4 hours ago i got a instant message from a friend of mine i met on line during the first season of the reality show big brother and she and i  have been friends ever since. there was actually a group of 5 of us and i have already met 2 others bacj in 2004 i think it was when i wnet to toronto. anyway this friend of mine was the one who told me about the lap band surgery and that she was having it done. until then i had off and on toyed with gastric by pass and researched it but never was real comfortable with the possibility of having it done. something just didnt feel right about it with me. anyway , a couple years or so ago this friend told me about how she was having lap band done so then i started researching it....and i looked at it off and on followed her progress how ever didnt ask to many questions as i know that when people would say to me have u lost weight or how is the diet it just made me feel like crap and i would eat. but occassionaly i would ask and she woule fill me in on her progress and tell me how things were going and how much better she was feeling. and i kept going back and forth researching following the board never posting but reading all the time. then this past year i had many things happen in my life that were heart breaking and i ended up off work for nearly 6 month dealing with those issues , my father's death , and burn out at work. Just before i went back to work was when i went to spokane to the NWWL seminar and the light bulb lit up the sky. it was at that seminar i realized that this was not only what i needed , but what i wanted as well. so with dad's passing and his inheritance the journey began to get approved and dates set. so today i get a instant message that says "check your email" i was in the shower at the time , so when i saw the message i went to the mailbox. we had been telling each other how cool it would be if we could meet when i had the surgery , at one time a year ago or so i was thinking about how to go to mexico and have it done , and she was gonna take me there and take care of me after if i could have done it but it never happened. anyway her email says she will be arriving on jan 18th leaving 22nd. i am so excitied to finally be meeting her. and it will work out pretty good as my surgery is the 16th so i should be pretty much over the stupid stage from the anisthetic. this is so cool. i know she will be with her family for most of the time and thats ok as i know i ont be up to running any maraathons anyway but i cant believe we are finally going to meet.

ok so now that i have that blogged , im going to take advantage of my nice hot stone massage i had earlier and go have a lil nap , but i had to blog my happiness as it is all part of this journey.

tara-out

 well as i sit here typing this blog tonight im begining to realize as excitited as i am , and as much as i know i am doing the right thing i am aliitle nervous.

im not quite sure how to describe the nervousness im feeling or where it is even coming from but it is there.
pre-op is going well. kitty cat sitter all set up for while im gone. plane booked and paid for , gotel paid and bookedi pre puchased some  food that i will eating when i get  home and made a list of some that i need to have when im there so i guess ill be shopping when i get  there.
im computer ready as well to put up the odd up date as im taking the lap top.
im not so mom prepared but im trying. i keep telling her pack lots of money there is a casino accross the way from hotel and she needs to plan to spend a lot of time there as i will just bore h er while a ileep off the anistethic for 2 days.im not sure she is listening. i think she is planning on hovering oh great just waht i need. im very glad she is coming with me , but at the same time i know she will hover and it it will be hard formo to not yesll at her and tell her to go away i just wanna sleep in the dark so tv no radiio ect.but it will hurt her feelings for sure. so i have been preparing her all along staing that i wont be entertaining her and she should plan on shopping , going for a walk , shopping ect and basically leaving me alone. hopefull i wont have to do much more.

well i cheate just a tad tonight but did compensate for it. i on;y had a 4o cal yougurt and piece of cheese for lunch , a few raw vegies and an egg for supper so that i could have a small piece of my nephews 18th birthday cake. poor kid has not had a great winter so far. he is a new d river hit black ice twice and this second time has cost him 5200.00 he slid into a 2008 gm sports something.
4000 just ti fix the  headlight as it is all plastic. this poor kid gonna be working that off for a loooooooooooong time. wish i could afford to help him out but then it would be his lesson to learn would it.

anyway back to the surgery
i have stopped the herbal immune builder i have been taking to keep healthy and the pain meds i take for my back to make sure no complications in surgery.so now all i take is the anti depressant , the multi vitamin ,
andother drug i have to , and the sleeping pill and ativan which generally i take if i cant take the pain meds for my back so i can sleep.they dont help tooo much as far as pain relief but the slow  me down enought to get some sleep.

councilling session went great. frist on this topic of learning to love me. its all on body image. 9 week class that i so need to kepp my head working as hard as my body so i dont slip up as i change and shrink.
well thats enough for tonight. 
oh for those of you who dod read this blog , the stuff with boss went well. she has left it alone and not asked for any further infor regarding the surgery...she know i was right and she wrong. i think she just wanted to push the buttons and see if she could make me feel like i was under obligation to provide more info ,, but i won. its done , and she knows nothing.

tara-out

well u can bet your sweet azz , i wont be sleeping the night of the 15th hence why only 14 more sleeps till im banded. it is so bitter sweet. i seem to be doing well on the pre-op even though i have cheated on it hear and there. mostly adding protein when im feeling like im draggin my butt and getting tired ill chomp on a few crrots and a piece of cheese or have hard boiled egg.
that seems to tye me over.
today how ever i was a bit bad , but not as bad i could have been. at first was thinking ill order a small pizza for supper , last one in probly forever , but then no im not craving it , u just dont wanna cook anything and your getting tired of the lein cuisines and ww meals. so as im walking home i make my self a deal. if i dont order take out for supper , i will dip into the lil bag of smarties on the counter ..30 = 140 cal, then with the walk u had it shoudl be easy to compemsate for them. have the small meal , a soak in  hot tub and watch a movie. those smarties will be the last real sweet u have since u seem to be wanting them only cus you know u cant eat them for aawhile after banding. you never had a seet tooth anyway some more to talk about with councilor when i see her on friday. tomorrow being jan 1 and the start of the january challenge i will make sure i walk extra hard and stuff to make up tonights fall.
so i dont fall again , 
im gonna wrap up dylans birthday gift tomorrow and take it to my moms so that she can tell bro and sister in law and nephew that im not feeling well so didnt come roast beff and yorkshire pudding dinner.  he will understand,im sure. besides i also have to start working on this house cleaned up for the gal who is comeing to baby sit my kitten. they seem to quite like each other so thats good.

ok well 
tara has to check blood then its hot tub and bed
hopefuly
might be back if cant sleep tho

tara-out