TheHelly

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Well... I went to get some more shakes from Dr. Pohl's office a couple of weeks ago.  I weighed in at 490 even.  I guess that must have been close enough because after locating my chart they sent all my test results to the insurance company.  They called and told me that it might take a while but that once I got an approval that I'd be surprised on how fast things moved on from here. 

Well... I got my approval!  I have an appt on 10/11 with Dr. Pohl.  I guess he'll go over everything with me again and answer any questions I have.  And he will give me my surgery date.  Wow... I actually doing this.  

I'm not afraid of the surgery.  I'm more afraid of my life after surgery.  How am I going to take care of Lee.  How is that going to work?  I'm going to be living on liquids for a month... and I'm expected to cook for him and serve him like I've done the entire time we've been married?  How am I going to do that?

What about my legs?  Will they stay big while the rest of me gets small?  I'm not afraid of any complications. It's weird but true. I'm healthy!  I don't have any medical issues except the sleep apnea which will go away once I lose weight.  

I'm over analyzing.  I'm anxious.  I know I'm going to be okay... I just need to get this over with.  Everything else will fall into place.

So much of my life now revolves around food!!!  Even my sister is talking about doing a Thanksgiving dinner as my last meal before surgery.  Lee and I eat out so much and all of that is going to change.  He has a huge appetite. We'll go out to eat have have a huge meal at 3pm and by 7 he's hungry again.  I don't get it.  I'm still stuffed and he wants to eat again. 

Things are just going to have to change.  I'm okay with that... if it was just me.  I wonder if it's going to be okay with him though.  He drinks so he HAS to eat.  Ugghhh.... I just have to stop stressing about it and let nature works it's way out.... as it always does.... and always will.
 

Today is the 29th of August.  The last time I wrote I was 8lbs away from reaching the 50lb mark my surgeon requires me to reach befrore he will do the surgery.

All the pain I was in due to the IBS... my PCP started me on Cymbalta.  It worked crazy great for the pain... Only thing is... is now that I'm not in pain anymore I've regained my appetite.  The last time I stepped on the scale I was up 6lbs... and I know it's got to be more than that by now.  I have to find the motivation to start losing again.  I think I WILL set up a session with Missy this week.  I need to take care of myself.  It's so hard when it's so hard to move and so easy to eat.  Lee is struggling with his own demons.  

I had an infestation of pantry moths.  My sister came over this past week and we cleared out the pantry and dumped EVERYTHING. Even the new stuff I had just bought the night before.  It wasn't much but it was enough that I was feeling it when we were done cleaning.  I'm still finding cocoons all over and a stray moth or two... or 6.  I bought some traps and they work okay... but I think only for the males.  It has this little spongy thing that gives off the female mating hormone... the males fly into the trap and get stuck to the sticky stuff inside.  Moths check in but they don't check out. LOL

I guess I could look at this on the bright side.  It's like we are starting over fresh.  My sweet tooth is such a thorn in my side.  

We finally got the pool clean.  99%.  There are still a few leaves left and some dust.  We'll get that up this weekend and have a week or two with the pool and then throw the winter chemicals in and the cover on before the leaves start to fall.  Next year we won't have all of this to go through.  The Dolby family is coming for a visit.  I'm kind of excited.  I haven't seen Sarah in a few years and I just love her.  She's so awesome I just know we'd be best friends if we lived closer.  Even the girls are looking forward to the visit.  Yet another reason why I want to have this freakin surgery NOW.  I need to have it done to give me a good 10 months to drop a few hundred pounds.

I did it to myself with those freakin caramel frappe's from McD's.  They are my weakness.  Once the weather starts to cool down I'm gonna try walking... just a little at a time.  Maybe by November I'll be able to walk the whole street.  By the Spring... maybe around the block!  The less I weigh the better I'll be able to move, right?

My niece Courtney... we bonded over the summer when Lee went to England for vacation.  She stayed with me nearly every night.  I love her so much but she's got this Ian character under her skin and can't shake it.  He's just a skater boi who has no ambition and no respect for her family.  He's laid his hands on her more than once... Maybe not like super bad..... not intentionally trying to hurt her but had done so just by the way he acts.  Threw keys at her when he was mad cuz she was leaving and they hit her in the face and gave her a black eye.  She had some bruises on her arm and I"m sure it's from him grabbing her.  Just little things now but can't help but see them escalating into more serious DV issues in the future.  We can't let him suck her back in.  

Anway... It's 2:30am.  I wanted to get up early... 6am.  Not sure if that's going to happen or not.  We'll see. I'd like to color my hair this weekend.  Getting lots of grays.  Uggh... 46 here I come. 

And it's NOT DIVERTICULITIS!!

I finally had my endocosopy and colonoscopy on April 26, 2012 and the doctor called me on Friday and told me I don’t have Diverticuliis.  He feels I have IBS and recommended that I take a probiotic daily.  There’s a whole other regimen that goes along with that and I can research that online. There are trigger foods (for me I've discovered that I can no longer tolerate peanut butter or fresh oranges), and stress can also be a trigger.  I did get my doctor to write a prescription for something called Align which is a probiotic that’s been developed specifically by gastroenterologists for people with IBS.  It’s a little more expensive than the store brand but if it helps…. It’s literally priceless to me.  The pain that I experienced today (ate an orange, a mistake I will not make twice)… Let me tell you… I could’ve died right then and there and I would have been happy to be out of my misery.  And I’m not a depressed person!  I don’t suffer from depression.  I love life!  I love the smell of Spring and the birth of summer.  I love budding flowers and watching the waves crash against the rocks.  I love gazing at the night sky at the stars above.  I really really love life and everything in it.  I love interacting with people, as long as they are nice. J  I do have a slight sassy side to me, however. 

I went to my surgeons office today (May 3rd) because they wouldn’t give me my starting weight over the phone due to HIPAA guidelines… which I get cuz I work in an office too but I could’ve provided her with any of my personal info including what I thought my starting weight was but that wasn’t going to do it.  So anyway… Long story short I found out I not only hadn’t lost as much as I thought I did but I was still 8lbs away from the amount!  But with my optimistic attitude… the way I figure it… I’m so totally going to be able to lost that 8lbs no problem… since I can’t eat anything with this IBS. 

I think keeping this blog will motivate me to lose the rest that I need plus watch me as I go along my journey.  I work at an office that does therapy and I asked one of our therapists if she would be my therapist.  I’m there anyway.  I could schedule myself with her on one of my days on.  I think it’ll be important too to have someone to talk to especially after surgery.  She’s really super nice and I just love her so much. I've had a few bad days since last week and I really think I need to talk to someone.

So my next blog I will have dropped 8lbs.  That's my mission.  In fact I'm going to try for 20lbs because I don't want to be disappointed again.

Oh and the other thing I wanted to document.... might seem silly to others but I want to do it just for me.  Now I know what it's like being under anesthesia.  I didn't like getting the IV but I never do.  The anesthesiolgist did it herself once the nurse told her I was a tough patient to get and due to my anxiety.  She was wonderful... didn't even leave a bruise.  It hurt... but didn't bruise.  She was Polish like me.  lol!  The only thing I remember is one of the nurses or techs or whoever it was... saying to me that I was going to be fine and to just relax.  I think she could see how scared I was.  They put the mask on me and told me just to take some deep breaths.  I think I remember taking 3.  Then I woke up.  It was an hour and half later.  I didn't feel any different.  Felt like I blinked. No naseau, no dizziness... no after effects at all.  I'm happy about that. :-)

The last time I wrote I was getting ready to have an endoscopy and colonoscopy done.  I went through the whole pre op stuff... considering other methods it wasn't that bad.  A whole bottle of Miralax mixed in a half gallon of gatorade and 2 ducolax tabs.  

I had done the pre op tests two weeks prior but apparently the anesthisiolgist never got that information on me.  I arrived at the hospital for the tests.  Went through all the getting ready stage... johnny, IV, hopped up on the gurney... and met with the assistant. Of course all the while in a complete panic because I've never been under before.

Then the anesthesiolgist comes out... takes one look at me and says... "Oh I can't do you here in the part of the hospital.  I need to do you in the operating room.  It's too dangerous.  You're going to have to get medical clearance, a heart stress test, a pulmanry fusion test, etc etc etc".  Everyone was like... wow... you  must be so mad.  But I really wasn't.  I was relieved.  Even with the preop business... I still was relieved... again... I was panicing because of the being under bit.  Now that it wasn't going to happen I was fine.  

The way I figure it... the longer this goes on the more weight I'll lose and the closer I'll be to being able to have my surgery.  To date I've lost 58lbs!  Eight more than Dr. Pohl wanted me to.  So I'm close to being able to have the surgery.  He'll really have to give me something to relax me but it'll be ok.. Everything will be okay.  Everything happens for a reason.  It's just not the right time for me yet.

I'll ask my office to do the psych eval for me this week.  I've contacted the nutritionist that I saw last year.  She agreed to write my clearance letter based on the visits we've had.  She's such a nice nice person.  I'm going to send her a thank you card.  She didn't have to do that.  My new insurance won't cover nutritionist counseling so she said she'd just do it for me.  Very nice of her.

So I got all the test done that he wanted me to do and got rescheduled for the tests.  I'm going April 26th.  9:45am.  At least it's not first first thing in the morning.  It'll give me more time to poop.  LOL  I don't mind fasting either.  I don't have much of an appetite so it's not that bad.  The pain doesn't happen as often but it definitely still happens.  Always in the same spot.  My left side... lower abdomen and side and back area.  That whole quadrent.  Sometimes it happens when I eat something that's not easy to digest.  Sometimes it happens if I move around too much... ie, do a load of laundry, unstack the dishwahser, by the time I'm done I have to sit and put the heating pad on because it hurts so freakin much I can't stand it.  The entire area where I put the heating pad is discolored from the heat.  Like it's almost burned.  I use it so much.  Sometimes it's not even my side that hurts but just my back.  Sometimes that makes me feel like I have a kidney infection.  I'll go to my PCP next week and have her test my urine for blood.  The last thing I want is my appetite to return.  That would suck.  But even if it does... I'll just have to eat stuff that's good for me, right?  Like yogurt.  I also have those protein hot chocolate mixes I bought from Dr. Pohls.

So as far as what I have left to do for surgery is simple.  The gallbladder ultrasound.  The other stuff is already in process.  I'm tested and being treated for sleep apnea.  I did my heart stress test... which is another thing.  Last year when I had it done... That Dr. never did a stress test on me.  He just asked me questions.  Dr. Mazza actually did a real test.  Injected something into an IV to increase my heart rate and hooked me up to a machine to determine how my heart reacted.  That's a stress test.  Yet another reason the universe wouldn't let me have it last year.  What if I did have a problem.  It wouldn't have been detected by asking questions.  I'm glad I was made to wait.  Plus the longer I have to wait... the more practice they get, right?  lol

Heart stress test... check!
Sleep apnea test and being treated with bi-pap.... check!
Psych evaluation and clearance... nearly check!
Nutritional eval and clearance... CHECK!!  Thanks to Lindsay... LOVE HER!
Endoscopy.... will be a CHECK on Thursday.
and just have to schedule a gall bladder ultrasound.  Then I'm done and ready to be cut open.  I'll ask Dr. Diane's office if they can do it there.  She opened her own practice in Cumberland.  Her family is crazy ... she had to get out of there.  Now she has an urgent care in the same building and I'm pretty sure they have xrays there.  I wonder if it's the same machine.  I'll have to ask her.  If not, no biggie.  I'll just go to the open MRI place in N.S.  Then I'm done.  

I estimate my surgery to be scheduled sometime this fall.  Lee is going to England in July.  When he gets home I'll have it done.  

I also want to talk to Dr. Pohl about the Vertical Sleeve. I think that would be a better choice for me.  I'm really super standoff ish about the rerouting business.  I honestly feel just having the restriction will be good for me.  Bottom line is... is after a year or so if I don't lose enough or if I'm struggling I can have it revised.  One thing at a time.

So that's it for now.

I'm on my way.  My journey continues.

Helen

I know this is supposed to be for weighloss surgery, but it's all related isn't it.  I'll have to be put under anesthesia for surgery so at least I'll have some kind of baseline.  I don't even know what to expect tomorrow.  I hate the not knowing.  It give me great anxiety. I assume there will be blood tests.  But what else?  I'll be all alone.  I wish Lee could come with me.

Or someone.  But then sometimes I think I'm better off going alone.  If I don't think about it too much there's less stress right there.

It's 7:30 now.  I haven't eaten anything really all day. Ritz.  My back hurts, my toe hurts, my heel hurts.... and my stomach hurts.

Shocker.

I'll write again tomorrow.  I also bought a scale so I can keep track of myself. I'll probably take my friend Kathy to the weight loss seminar next month.  I have to go again, I think... so get this show on the road.  

G'night 

So why do I keep eating stuff I know I'm not supposed to?

It may be due to my stomach issues that I'm having right now.  I have a hard time digesting anything that's not like mush before it reaches my tummy.  Which is usually bread, or cake, or some kind of smooth anything.  Maybe I should try yogurt...

I go for my pre-testing on Tuesday for the endoscopy and colonoscopy.  They want to do some pre-testing because I've never been under anesthesia I guess.  They made a follow up with the specialist for 3 months, but what happens inbetween now and then... will they let me know what they find during the tests??

My friend Darlene just had her surgery last week.  She says she's doing really good.  Looks like it was a piece of cake for her... lol, pardon the pun. She says her belly feels empty... but she's hungry.  I guess that's normal. It's probably just head hunger... as she's been on nothing but liquids for almost 3 weeks.

I wonder about my Lymphedema.  With my circulation problems... I wonder how having the surgery will effect me. I guess I'm kinda scared.  I should probably talk with someone that has Lymphedema who's had the surgery.  There are a few women here that I've kind of touched base with but nothing in depth. They say they still have Lymphedema but that it's much more managable.  Which I knew already.  I mean how could it not be?  I can't even put my own socks on because of my stomach size... no way I'd be able to wrap my legs.

It snowed today.  We got about 6 inches.  First significan't storm we've had this year.  Next week it'll be back in the 40's. I like this winter so far. :-)

Okay... I'm determined to lose another 20lbs.  I just have to not eat.  Or just eat the very small meals like the Diverticulitis diet says.  The pain is really getting to me.  Yesterday I stopped at the grocery store for vittles for this weekend.  I got about half way through it and the pain in my side started acting up.  I kept having to rest until it subsided enough so I could carry on.  My husband wanted me to stop at the liquor store on my way home.  I don't love doing that because for one, I don't drink.  Secondly.. by the time I got back in my car from the grocery store I had a complete meltdown.  The pain was just making me so scared that there was something seriously wrong with me.  Then of course the crying made me all tense... which probably made the pain worse.  I pulled myself together and called my friend Kathy.  We've been friends forever... she comes over once a week usually.  I asked her if she would stop for me but we lost our signal before she could answer.  I wasn't even sure if she was going to come over so I called my sister.  I thought maybe she was still on her way home from work and she could stop for me.  But she was already home.  She offered to go out for me, but that was the last thing I wanted her to do.  I thought maybe her daughter was home and would run out for me, but she wasn't.  So my sister... my absolutely wonderful one of a kind heart of gold sister... Put her shoes on and her coat and met me at the packy so I didn't have to go in.  She was mad that my husband made me go for him... but he didn't make me. It was my choice... I wasn't in any pain when he asked me, afterall.  I got home and he came out and brought in all the stuff.  I was fine by the time I got home but it's just scary and I was overwhelmed and sick of being sick and not know WHY I'm sick and in pain.  At least with the Lymphedema I KNOW why I'm in pain... or when I have cellulitis. 

Anyway.  Enough for now.  Tomorrow is another day. 

It's over a year actually.

It seems like I'm always starting over.

I had a really hard time losing that 50lbs.  I lost like 6 but then Halloween came, then Thanksgiving, Christmas...

I've been having stomach issues for the last 3-6 months. I've lost my appetite and have stomach pain every day.  I saw a specialist today and I've got some tests scheduled.  One of them is a colonoscopy which is one of the pre-op test for surgery anyway.

I've got the psych eval, no problem.  The only other thing I think I need is the nutritionist.  I'll go back to see Lyndsey once my stomach stops hurting.  

I feel confident that I'll have my surgery this year.  Maybe this summer.  Can't imagine dropping 100lbs by Christmas.  

I want to have the VSG.  I'll talk to Dr. Pohl about it.

That's it for now.  Work in the morning. 

October 18, 2010

I'm going to make this short because I already just wrote a boatload and the stupid thing froze up on me when I tried to insert a smiley!  That's what I get for smiling.

I went to the seminar at the beginning of September, 2010.  My sister came with me.  We both learned a lot.  I decided to go with Dr. Pohl.  Not only does he get a very good review by many people here but I just felt more confident with him.  Maybe it was because he's done over a thousand of these procedures laparoscopically, and Dr. Giovanni has only done like 500... but he's also been doing this for 10 years and she's been doing it for 5.  I guess I just want someone with more experience... Not that there's anything wrong with her.  I'm sure she's very experienced but I am bigger than most... which puts me at a higher risk.

At the end of the seminar they handed out a packet that included a list of pre-op tests.  So far I've done my cardiology exam, my initial nutritionist eval and my initial sleep apnea eval.  I got for my first sleep study next Friday. If they find I have sleep apnea I go back the following week for treatment study and then back to the nurse practitioner.  I have to schedule a endoscopy.  Not really looking forward to that.  I've never been under anesthesia before so I really don't know what to expect. 

I had my initial consult with Dr. Pohl last Thursday.  He wants me to lose 50lbs.  Fifty is doable.  It could be worse.  Who knows... maybe I'll end up losing more.  He initially was going to say 100lbs.... but after examining me his feeling is, is that a lot of my weight is in my legs due to my Lymphedema.  He's not really concerned about that.  He's more concerned about my stomach area.  I carry most of my weight in my abdomen so that actually helps me as far as he's concerned.  He's also concerned about my mobility.  I had a really hard time getting onto the table for him to check out my stomach area.  He had to pick up my legs... but that always happens. I think he's worried about me being able to get up and walk around after surgery which is something they want us to do to stop blood clots.

Tests are good for a year.  I was really upset on Friday.  I think it really didn't hit me right away that he wanted me to lose weight.  I had it all in my head that I could have the surgery before Christmas and have a new fresh start in the new year.  I cried on Friday night.  Friday, in fact, is pretty much a blur to me.  I had a long talk with my husband and came clean about why I was so upset.  He hates to see me upset.  I told him I'm worried that I have to do these shakes and then come home and cook him dinner and it's going to be a huge challenge for me to do that and not be able to eat what I'm making him.  He said he would just have frozen meals with me. I was going to put in a smiley here, but I dare NOT!!  I told him that things are going to be really different after I have the surgery and I asked him if he was up for that.  He says he is but I know my husband.  He often says one thing and then forgets or doesn't realize what he's saying yes to. I told him I'm going to be on a all liquid diet for like a month after surgery.  He doesn't know how to cook.  We'd better put an allowance aside for take out. lol

Well... I'm going to end here.  I guess I should take a photo of myself at some point.

ttfn!

Okay... so I'm not going to tell my life story.  It's really not that interesting.  Just the same as most... been heavy my whole life.  For as long as I can remember.

I started looking into WLS about 10 years ago.  I even had a consultation... but got scared when I saw/learned someone died after having the surgery and I kinda just changed my mind.  My husband didn't really want me to have it... he was scared of losing me.  My family wasn't really keen on it either so I didn't really feel like I had a huge support system in place.... so it was easy to just forget about it.

A couple of years went by and I kept gaining.  I somehow developed a case of cellulitis.  Not sure how but it appears that I bumped my leg or cut it somehow... or maybe a bug bite... but I had some swelling in my legs, which I now know was the start of lymphedema, which in turn caused my circulatory system in my legs to be compromised. So the wound that I got on my leg had a really hard time healing on it's own.  The infection got worse and it turned into cellulitis... and the wound ulcerated and just got worse and worse.  To make a very long story as short as possible, I ended up having a pretty serious case of secondary lymphedema which I now battle with on a daily basis.  One of my hopes is that having WLS will make it more manageable. I've been in and out of the hospital for infections.  It's become so common that they don't even put me in the hospital anymore... I get a PICC line for IV antibiotics and I do them at home.  I range about every 6 months or so.

My husband changed jobs and with his new job the insurance didn't cover WLS.   He worked there for like 5 years, so even if I wanted to have it there was no way possible.  But... he's changed jobs again and I now have BCBS.  I just checked over the weekend and WLS is definitely a covered procedure.  So now... I have no excuses.

It's TEN years later... Lord knows the advances in medicine that can happen in that amount of time.  I feel much more confident now about having it.  I know I'm a perfect candidate.  I do have concerns... my HIGH BMI for one... I'm concerned that I won't be able to find a surgeon that will work on me unless I lose weight... which brings me back to my original reason for seeking medical assistance to begin with.  And the other is my lymphedema... I wonder about clotting and what will happen to my legs after I lose so much weight... will they stay HUGE?  I know I'll have to wear compression stockings and being smaller will make it that much easier to donn them. I guess I have a lot of questions... I should probably write them down.

I'll be making phone calls this week. I guess that's where my journey starts.  With a phone call. :-)