TheTurtleLady88

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I have been stuck between 272 and 266 for three months. I need help! I cannot find anyone here who is willing to come workout. Honestly, no one around me understands what this is like. I hate the way I look for the most part, I want to cry everytime I step on the scale. I feel like a failure. Everyone around me is incredibly proud of me, they go on about how great I look and honestly if feels like they're lying. I need to lose 90 more pounds and every week that I don't get closer to that goal, I get more depressed. I am going to go on the liquid diet that "resets" my pouch and start over from the beginning. I hope that will at least jump start my weight loss. Honestly, it's gotten to the point where I'm worried that I'll have an eating disorder if something doesn't change. I'm so concerned with my weight that I feel like it's taking over everything else. Help?! Does this get any better?? 

To be completely honest, I've been in a funk for months. I feel great about what I've done so far and as quickly as it came, it goes away. I'm stalled, again. I have 106 more pounds to lose but I am at my halfway point 9 1/2 months after surgery. My life is hectic again, certain combinations of foods make me very, very sick. I'm always worried about everything and I do mean everything. Pretty much any time I eat, I've fallen back into the I feel guilty cirlce. Everyone says they are so proud of me and that this journey has been hard, I can't seem to be proud of myself. I feel like I should be losing weight faster, like I need to do more. I have medical restrictions that make activity difficult and painful. I'm moving again for the 3rd time in a little over a year. I'm hoping that the new place will make things easier as far as cooking and prepping. There is a lot more space for it. I'm fighting just to be happy every day and I'm on so much mediation already that I don't know that the medication could be slowing down the weight loss as well. I've been treated for PTSD and I'm sleeping through the night now, so maybe that will help as well. I'm lonely here, I need more friends that are like me, that want to go out and actually want to do something physically active. Well....I just needed to vent, I suppose. Any advice or responses welcomed. 

I have finally broken the stall! I've also hit what I consider a milestone. For the first time in an least 8 years, I am officially under 300 pounds!!!!!!!! I can't even explain what I'm feeling right now. I'm so happy that I could cry. It's 5 am and I feel like I should do something to use up all my energy and excitement! I know it may not seem like much, but I have lost almost 100 pounds from my highest weight and even though I've struggled and will probably continue to struggle, this feeling is the most amazing thing I've experienced along the way. I will continue to work hard and hit my goals because I will hit them and they are so, so, so worth it! 

Much love

I want so badly to break the 300lb mark. I have been in a stall for awhile now, with everything going on I cannot be too upset about it...or at least that is what everyone around me says. I've been under a lot of stress, I've gone through a lot of changes, and while I understand that they are trying to help I cannot help but be frustrated. I can't see what they see. Not one time have I looked at myself and noticed that I'm getting smaller, I guess that's because I go by the number on the scale. I feel like a failure, every time I eat I feel like I shouldn't be eating. I know this is a mental issue that I should probably talk to someone about but I'm not sure who at this point. My surgeon says that this is a marathon, not a sprint but I feel like I should be seeing a change somewhere. I feel like compared to the other weight loss surgery patients I've seen and followed, I'm lagging behind. Did anyone else feel that way? Or is it just in my head?

So, I've done a lot over the last month. I can't say that my weight is where I want it to be, my exercise has been pretty non-existent but I moved to Wilmington which is a long-distance move for me. Within the first week I fell down the stairs in my apartment, and not only did I tear a tendon and sprain my ankle...I re-injured my back. So back to the numbness down my leg and pretty severe pain if I stand or walk for too long. The day before yesterday I also lost bladder control so they're worried that my disc was pressing on a nerve. I had my spine decompressed and I'm doing a little better as far as bladder control but most of my pain is still there which is making me super nauseated. I really hope to heal soon so that I can get back to exercising. I feel better about myself when I do. Maybe if I can get back to it, I can go below the 300 mark soon which would be amazing! If any of you are in the area, let me know! I would love to get to a support group around here. It's been hard with all the stress in my life. I know I've come off my path a little bit and it's made me very very sick. If I eat carbs or sugar here lately I spend the entire day sick to my stomach. I guess that's a great thing to deter me, I think it would just be easier with a little support from people in the same situations. I have to travel almost 4 hours to see my surgeon, I'll have another appointment with blood work come June. Feedback and conversation would be much appreciated! 

I gained 4 lbs this week and I am all but having a breakdown. I have been stressed lately, fighting with my boyfriend, running important errands for a long distance move, bills, and doctors appointments, drama at work. Long story short, I'm finding myself stress snacking. I am never hungry so snacking is pointless, but old habits die hard. With the move going on, I've been eating out way too often, my food choices aren't the best. I even had a vanilla coke this week to try and make it through 12 hours in the car and getting up at 4 a.m. I'm starting a new job on the 4th, I'm moving 176 miles away from my family and friends. I'm trying to make this whole move from one paycheck and I'm running into trouble at every turn. I feel like I should go to a support meeting but my schedule doesn't really allow time for it. I'm getting exercise packing and cleaning because I don't have time to fit that in either. I feel like I'm making excuses and failing myself. My emotions are completely off and the fact that my psych meds are either making me sick or sleep all day (so I haven't been taking them) probably doesn't help either. I need support from the people around me, I need some of this stress to ease up. I don't really know how to handle myself right now...

So, I began my journey in April right after my heighest weigh-in at the doctor at 383 lbs. I can now officially say that I have lost 54lbs since April!!!! I have been so focused on the pounds going down every week that I failed to see the big picture. My clothes are loosly fitting, I feel better and while this isn't the easiest thing I've ever done, it is completely worth it. I was able to get on the floor and play with our new puppy, which is something I haven't been able to do in almost 2 years. I haven't been this weight since 2010. I'm going to continue my hard work and hopefully it will pay off. I have actually just recieved news that I'm a canidate for an interview in Wilmington, so hopefully that will work out and we can move sooner than planned! I am starting a totally new life and it feels great!

I am almost exactly 6 weeks out from surgery and I have finally been approved for "real food". My nutritionist last week told me that I can't eat veggies or fruit until I start hitting my protein goals. So, I've been working on that. She wants me to eat every two hours to try and get everything in because I cannot seem to get shakes down. I'm still going through the coals emotionally. I was hoping that things would improve but they just seem to go up and down like everything else. My surgeon believes that I had some scar tissue pop in my stomach a couple weeks ago and for the most part I am no longer in pain. I think I may schedule a trip to a support group soon because honestly my moods are really bothering me. I'm down to 332, which is something I should be super excited about but for some reason I'm down because I feel I should be losing more than that. Although, as my surgeon says: it's a marathon, not a sprint. Positive thoughts would be appreciated!

Wednesday was my first post-op appointment. For the most part, I've been getting a lot better. I'm on the move a lot more and I try to deal with my pain one step at a time. I've lost 32.2 pounds since my pre-op appointment and around half of that since the surgery. They moved me up to pureed food and I would greatly appreciate any recipes for this stage. Much love!

So, I finally ventured out today to WalMart of all places to try and find something that I can get down well. I picked up some premiere protein and carnation instant breakfast (no sugar added of course). My boyfriend and I get ready to walk towards the milk and I started to get really hot, clammy, and I feel as though I'm sweating. I lose all my color and look as though I'm going to pass out. When I finally got home, I was completely wiped out and almost out of it. We think it might be because I'm not getting enough liquids down. I have this feeling in the back of my mind that I'm going to stretch out my pouch by just drinking. It's making me very hesitant. I'm not hungry or thirsty and that's extremely new for me. Everything tastes funny or too sweet and as a result is turning my stomach. I really need advice on the liquids. I've tried to drink a medicine cup every 15 minutes and I've tried slowly sipping, but I can't seem to get rid of the panic. Is that panic legitimate?