Back on Track!

Feb 18, 2012

It's been a while since I've posted anything here. The reason? I gave up. I couldn't get a grip on my weight loss that the surgeon requires of me and I couldn't seem to pass the psychologist's evaluation. After trying for four years I threw in the towel and just gave up. It was a pretty dark time for me.

Then, suddenly, the weight started to drop. Not much, but it dropped. It was enough to build on so I went back to the used book store and repurchased the books I'd sold weeks before. Books on eating, exercise, and, of course, weight loss surgery. I started reading them again. I also returned to support group where I realized my biggest fear is failing. I'm terrified that I won't be able to lose my excess weight and that whatever I do manage to lose will just be put back on. This is the reality of my past. I want so much to change that reality so I'm working on improving my attitude and setting goals. I'm learning how to take care of myself and teaching myself how to believe that tomorrow, that even today, will be different. The most important lesson I've brought with me to the present day is that by giving up, I failed. I had already realized my biggest fear!

Last week I learned that the psychologist had finally approved me for surgery. My surgeon will review my chart then the letter will go to medicare for approval. I'm told that the turn around time is approximately 3 weeks once the letter is actually sent. How will I ever stand the suspense??

To date I've lost right at 50 lbs and am below 300 lbs for the first time in three years. My surgeon wanted me below 300 lbs before he would even consider scheduling my surgery. Now I've met that requirement and am working to keep going. On March 1st, I'm scheduled to begin working out at my hospital's medical fitness program. Next to my fear of failing, my refusal to become more active is my biggest obstacle to overcome. I've set my sights on overcoming it!

In July I'm scheduled to attend a convention in San Diego and meet a friend I haven't seen since 1976. I want to be able to walk distances, visit with my friend and see the town, not remain confined to the hotel. This is giving me focus for the short term. Those in my support group who've had the surgery give me other things to focus on. Things like maybe being able to throw away my diabetes and hypertension medicines, being able to buy cute outfits off the rack and maybe even throw away my cane. And perhaps the best thing to focus on is being able to go out in public and hold my head up, not stare at the ground in shame. It seems I'm always learning some new thing to focus on.

So here I go again, putting one foot in front of the other and keeping my eyes on the prizes awaiting me. Wish me luck!

0 Comments