Warnings

Apr 11, 2012

I finally had my surgery April 2nd, about ten days ago now, and am doing really well. It didn't start out well, however, and that is the purpose of this particular blog. I want to warn as many people as I can about the possibility of having an emotional meltdown after surgery, perhaps beginning as soon as you wake up in recovery. No one warned me about it so I was totally unprepared for the roller coaster ride the first week of my recovery would become.  I hope I am able to help others through it should the same happen to them.

In my case, I went to sleep absolutely convinced that I was doing the right thing. I woke up equally convinced that I had made the biggest mistake of my life, and things just went downhill from there. Within twenty-four hours my mood had hit rock bottom. I was severely depressed and extremely irritable. I had a hair trigger on my temper and I cried almost none stop. I managed to keep a smile (of sorts) on my face whenever anyone else was in my hospital room but inside I was a basket case. I hated what I had done to myself and despaired of ever being able to "live normally" again.

When I was discharged and went home things got worse. There I didn't try to keep a mask on my face. My tears flowed freely and even my cherished pets quickly learned to stay out of my way. At one point I caught myself contemplating suicide and that is when I finally called for help.

It seems that I was hit by a number of things, any one of which would have been enough to cause the meltdown. First, I am bipolar and my medications had been suspended beginning the day before surgery (Sunday) and continuing until the next Friday when they were finally resumed. Secondly, ANY major surgery has the power to knock your emotions out of whack for a period of time afterward. Thirdly, I am very sensitive to most painkillers. I can't take morphine or even synthetic morphine, and many other painkillers also have the power to depress my mood. Repeated doses only make the situation worse. And, finally, there's the fact that I was in deep mourning afterward for the death of my lifelong dependence on food to pick me up when I was down. Who, or what, would I turn to now?

Post surgical meltdowns usually get better on their own. It's just a matter of plugging ahead and working to keep the faith that things WILL get better. But sometimes they don't so if they don't or if, like me, you have other conditions (such as depression or bipolar disorder) that can make it that much worse, be prepared to reach out for the help you need to overcome it. There's no reason you should have to try to white nuckle your way through something that intervention by a professional can help.

Today I am 200% better than I was a week ago. My mood is positive, I'm no longer sorry I had the surgery (In fact, I'm thrilled!), and I'm losing weight. I'm filled with hope and peace with myself and I'm hoping that my story will help others who may find themselves in the same boat I was in. Good luck to you all as you progress on your own particular journeys!

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