Finally!

Mar 15, 2012

It's been nearly eleven years since I started this journey and it's been a journey of frustration, heartache, and self-discovery. Just last fall I gave up for a while because I couldn't seem to pass the wretched psych eval. I'd been trying since February 2008 to gain one psychologist's approval or another. All they would say was that they believed I wasn't ready, this despite jumping through every single hoop they placed in front of me. What else, I wondered, could I do to please them?

To a degree I have to admit they were partially right. I wanted the surgery and was willing to do most anything I had to to have it. Problem was, I also wanted to please my family and they were not supportive of my efforts. They believed that weight loss surgery was the "easy way out" and frowned down on me for pursuing it. Many still do. The bottom line with my family is that they want me to lose the weight but they themselves don't want to be bothered by my struggle. I have a good friend acting as my primary support person. An aunt is acting as my secondary, but I'm not convinced as to her committment to the job. I hate writing that. My insecurity hurts.

Despite all those bumps in my road, I did finally pass the psych eval and within a very short period of time was awarded insurance approval! Yesterday my surgery was finally, at long last, scheduled and I have a little less than three weeks before my rebirth into a healthy person. It will be nice to fit into off-the-rack clothes, but it will be even better to be able to walk without pain and to kiss my comorbidities goodbye! There are so many reasons why this is the best decision I have every made, more than I can list here. The bottom line, I'll be able to live a fuller life.

I stopped believing the surgery was a magic bullet long ago. I continue to grapple with emotional issues that could derail my success. I live in fear of failure. But I've come a long, long way over these past eleven years. I'm stronger and clearer on the demands that must be met. And most importantly, I'm no longer so concerned with my family's attitude. I'm doing this for me and me alone.

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