trudie74

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My 6 months (done at 8 months) visit went really well.  Dr. Ganta was very pleased that I had surpassed my goal, and following the rules.  He said it couldn't have gone any better!  My labs were fine except B12 was on the low end of acceptable...so I am going to start the shots at home.  It has been 2 weeks and I still haven't filled the script, so I guess I am nervous about that.  I am sick today and anticipate a visit to the pharmacy after my doctor visit, so I guess I will go ahead and fill it.  Then, I have to go in and let them show me how to inject myself.  I might try to find someone at school or wait until my mom visits to let them show me.  Anyone who has given injections before would know how.

I am sitting at 128-130, and am happy there.  I seem to be a size 6 in most clothes.  Have bought as low as a 4 and sometimes need an 8 in denim.  When I see myself in a picture or mirror I notice a change, but don't see anyone near that size.  It is very strange.  I see myself as maybe a 10-12, not a 6!

I am 10 pounds below my goal weight, and thought I should post an update so I don't forget to stay focused.  At 130 lbs I am at an ideal weight...I cannot remember ever weighing this much since elementary school.  It is weird to have people who don't know I was ever fat call me skinny.  I feel comfortable and free from many burdeons that came with being fat.  My skin bothers me, but not to the point of disappointment.  I consider myself lucky, and don't want to lose sight of that.  I am trying to stabalize by adjusting my calories until I find a place where the scale doesn't move.  Right now I am at about 1300 calories most day, without exercise.  I need to start some form of casual exercise like walking, but don't find myself motivated to do so.  I plan on doing some serious exercise and weights over summer break, but I am sure that will fall back to the waste side.  My 6 month visit had to be postponed to 8 months due to insurance...so I go next week and should get my labs back.  I am nervous to see how that has played out.  I guess that sums it up!

So I spend all week watching the scale, hovering one pound above goal.  Finally today it dropped just under 140...goal!  Last night was my work Christmas party, and I did well with the meal, but they had a dessert table I couldn't keep away from.  I tried the desserts I wanted one bite at a time.  One was so good, that I joked I was pacing myself and coming back for subsequent bites every 15 mins.  I ended up eating less than one real serving of dessert, but I sure felt guilty.  Nice time to hit goal.

I am back on the wagon today.  Everyone needs splurge days, or we feel deprived.  As I type this I sit here on my bony butt and think of how much has changed about my body and mind.  Last year I would have eaten 5 full sized portions, one of each dessert, and still longed for more.  I also would have stayed home from the party since I don't really have a group that I know, and would have been afraid to socialize.  I also would have looked like a blob.  This year I didn't even try hard and looked nice.

I am happy I had this surgery, but still worry about the long term issues.  But, I guess I would have had other issues to worry about if I had NOT done it.  Diabetes, heart disease, back problems, etc...would have taken me out of the game.  At least now, even if I face problems down the road, I WAS IN THE GAME.

Well 6 months came and went uneventfully.  What have I learned?  I have learned that food is not my friend, but I still love it.  I now eat with nutrition in mind instead of pure indulgence.  I
 
have also learned that I am the same person thin as I was fat, but clothes look better!  I also feel better. 

I have learned that people treat you differently, and my husband likes a thick rear, but not a fat woman...go figure.  He always found me attractive even at 240 pounds...but now that I am smaller, he is not as "into" the thick chics...but misses the rear.

I have learned that nothing comes easy...even with this tool it was a struggle and a serious committment.  I still wonder if it was the right thing to do, but have no regrets as of yet.

I have learned that skin stretches!  And does not always come back.

I have learned that your tailbone gets sore when exposed to a chair too long.

I have learned that I will be ok without my dearest friend...food.

I have learned that I will always have to focus on what and how I eat...I will never be free of those demons.  Some people can live life without worrying about food...not me...with or without WLS, I was destined to be a food junkie.  I will always have to be vigilant.  At least now I have a safety net.

Pre-everything weight: 240
Day of surgery weight: 225
6 weeks: 198.5
7 weeks:  196
8 weeks: 192.5
9 weeks:  190.5
10 weeks:  188
11 weeks:  185
12 weeks:  181.5
13 weeks:  179
14 weeks:  174.5
15 weeks:  171.5
16 weeks:  168
17 weeks:  167
18 weeks: 162.5
19 weeks:  160.5
20 weeks:  156.5
21 weeks:  153.5
22 weeks:  152
23 weeks:  150.5
24 weeks: 149
25 weeks:  146
26 weeks:  144.5
27 weeks:  142.5
28 weeks:  141.5
29 weeks:  138
30 weeks:  136.5
31 weeks:  134.5
32 weeks:  130.5
33 weeks:  130.5
10 months out:  125

I now sit on the cusp of entering the 140's.  The scale reads around 152 .  It is crazy to realize that I can't remember a time when I was in the 150's...maybe elementary school?  And now I will be 140 something?  This is so crazy it doesn't seem real.  I have been slacking on the exercise.  Maybe 2 walks per week?  I had been very committed to serious work outs (running, weights, etc.), but now I can't seem to make the time.  I woke up at 7am on my day off because I knew I had alot to do, and wanted some time at the end of the day to be lazy.  Forget that!  I was going until 8pm!!!  I know I could make the time if I really wanted to though.  I need to.

Baby girl has strep throat and I am worried I am coming down with it.  I haven't been sick at all since surgery!  5 months is a record for me to not be sick!  Must be the vitamins?  The hair is falling out like crazy!  handfuls!  But it seems to be less this month than last, so maybe I am moving past that.  Skin is a little loose here and there, but nothing intolerable.  I think after some time passes and if I do some weights it can tighten up.  I bought a size 10 skirt!  When I go shopping I am lost!  I am not used to all of the choices and different stores available!  I don't even know where to start.  Also, I don't know how to dress my body without the typical hiding it strategies.  It occurred to me that I can tuck things in and wear cute belts, but I haven't even considered it while shopping!

Hubby and I are rocky...but we had what felt like a productive conversation, and I feel like I have a second wind.  I think he feels as unloved as I do...we coexist filling the emptiness with periodic bitching.  His moods, my expectations.  I hope we can offer each other a bit more of what we need, and close the gaps.  We shall see.  I will probably feel stupid for being optimistic when he loses his temper and lashes out at me, or complains about working 50 hours and driving 7 when most men work 60 without batting an eye.  Hell, I work 50 easily, if not more including the morning kid routine and I am a teacher!  I work at home, he doesn't.  But yet again I make it a competition.  I don't mean to, just hard not to when he complains so much about something standard.  Ugh I am going to suck at giving this a chance, but I will try.

I marvel at my body, it amazes me that this was hiding under all of that fat my whole life.  Things are good atm.

Ok, so my weigh in yesterday had me at 161.5....bummer cuz I was as low as 160.5 as couple days prior.  I knew it was because of retention, but that doesn't make you feel any better.  Well this morning it hit 159.5!!!!!  I cannot remember a time I was in the 150's!  In middle school I think I dieted to 150 something, but was always higher.  This got me to thinking...I am getting close to goal.  I have 20 lbs to go.  How will I feel about not ever feeling the victory of a loss on the scale?  I have spent my shole life fighting with the scale, and so many diets that brought me the feeling of excitement when it went down.  This journey is passing so quickly, that it will be over and I will have nothing to lose soon!  That seems good, but that also means no more celebration dances or that feeling of accomplishment.  Just the status quo.  I know maintenance will be challenging, but I am not used to celebrating the scale staying the same.  It will be weird.  Good!  But weird.

Anyway 159.5 FTW!

edit:  OMG I typed 181.5 and 180.5, I just can't get used to being so low!

My four month mark came and passed...I am still plugging away at this.  I hope to be at goal by 6 months (November 27th).  My parents are visiting this weekend, and have not seen me since surgery.  That should be fun.  Things on the home front are calm for the moment.  I seem to be tolerating food more easily these last couple of weeks.  I do not exercise as I should, but still more than pre-op.  I walk a steep incline about 4 days a week.  I had been running, but stopped.  I just don't like it.  I want to start firming up with some step and weights, but havn'et made the time.  I weigh in tomorrow and hope to see the 150's!  I am so close, but I am on my period, so that always stalls me.  We shall see!

I am losing, but I needed to lose 3 pounds per week for 3 months to meet the goal my doc set at my last visit.  I fudged a lil this week because yesterday it was 185.2, but today it was actually 185.4.  I rounded to 185 LOL.  I am averaging 2 pounds (maybe 2.5) per week.  I have uped my calories as much as I can and average about 850-950 per day with around 80 g protein.  I am exercising 5-6 days a week, so I don't understand the slow loss.  It is far better than any other attempts in my life, but seems slow.  I guess maybe it is because I have less to lose now?

School starts back next week, and I had hoped to be further along for a bigger WOW effect, but I suppose 55 pounds will be a big enough WOW.I went shopping and hated it.  Without alot of money, it is overwhelming trying to find only a few pieces that act like a bunch.  Also, bras aren't fitting when I try them on.  I need new panties, but figure I can live with the bunching since noone can see them.  I can't buy everything, so I am prioritizing the things that are seen!  It is weird to be on the last size in my closet of old sizes.  Kind of scary to think that next drop I will have NOTHING!  A good reason to be scared though.

I am on week 2 of the couch to 5k program.  I hope my back and knee let me finish.  Actually running a 5k would be a miracle.  According to the program, I should be ready by late fall.

I weighed in this morning at 189 lbs!  I remember the 180's fondly as my "thin" weight before I got fat LOL.  Everytime I dieted I always got to the mid 180's then felt good about myself and let go.  Never stayed there long!  The idea that I will never be higher than this again blows my mind.   I almost don't trust it!

I threw out alot of bigger clothes, and it felt awkward, as if I was doing something stupid I would later regret.  I also have been feeling very strange latey about my life.  This started before the surgery.  I guess getting into my mid 30's I am realizing that I am not satisfied at all with my life.  I felt this way for about a year pre-op, so it isn't JUST because of losing weight.  My hubby and I are in very different places, and we don't agree on anything fundamentally.  I am on my own now for counseling, because he says I need to fix myself, it isn't a WE thing.  When, in fact I feel most of the major issues we face are because of him, and the more "normal" ones are mine.  Oh well, like I said we don't agree on anything.  I can use the counseling for my weight loss journey and my anxiety...he is losing me slowly  though.   I no longer want to rot in the house and be mistreated emotionally, so we shall see where this goes.