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Krista called today and I have my orientation class on November 22 @ 9am.  So excited to get this moving.

It was so nice out yesterday that my husband and I decided to take the kids out on a leaf walk in the woods.  There is a trail not far from our home so we dressed warm and headed out.  I was feeling great at the beginning of the walk but after about 1 kilometer it was starting to get harder to carry on.  I just wanted to walk for miles, but my body had other ideas.  We turned around to go back to the car but we had to walk a kilometer back.  I tried to put on a brave face but the next thing I know, I am in tears.  I was so upset that my back hurt, my hips hurt, I was out of breath and there was no way out.  I wasn't crying because of the pain, I was crying because I was sad that I was having a hard time keeping up.  I tried to hide my tears from my husband but he saw them.  He is so supportive with this whole surgery thing even though he says he doesn't think I need it.  I am so lucky to have him.  We got back to the car and not another word was said about it.  My kids didn't notice so that's the main thing.  I have to remember to be thankful for what I have.  Next year will be different and I will be on my way to jogging that trail!!!  I know it!

Spoke to my family doctor today and my bloodwork results are in.  All is good!  They faxed the proper form and the bloodwork results to St. Joe's and told me to give it 2 weeks.  So now I am waiting again.  I am getting good at that! LOL

Turns out that my doctor faxed the incorrect form into St. Joe's in the first place.  I got a call from the ministry of health today and they asked me to call my doctor to have it done properly.  So I did that and then my doctor's office called later saying that I need to have bloodwork done before they can finish it off.  So I am off to the lab in the morning.  They said that if this is submitted quickly, I should be able to have my consult before the end of October.  Moral of the story....follow up, sometimes not even the doctors know what they're doing!  :)

I have been waiting for almost 6 months to hear from St. Joes.  I called the Ministry of Health yesterday to find out if my referral was in the system.  I just got a call and was informed that it's not.  So now I wait for them to investigate and let me know what the next step is.  Arghhhhhhh!

Well my referral has been in the system for almost 5 months and I haven't heard anything yet.  I have an appointment with my family doctor to fill out the necessary forms to see if I can get approved to have the surgery in New York.  I have never been to New York, maybe this could be fun! LOL 

I really want to have this done sooner rather than later.  I see clothes commercials and I can imagine myself being able to shop in normal clothing stores.  I want to do so much and I feel like I have been wasting my years away.

So I hope I can get my doctor on board with me having the surgery across the border, he wasn't very receptive the last time.  I guess I'll be switching to a new doctor if he gives me a hassle.

FINGERS CROSSED!  :)

Hello my friends :)  This has been a tough night for me.  You see, my family and I went on vacation last week.  We were in Northern Ontario visiting my inlaws who live on the water.  It was so hot that I gave in and put on a bathing suit to swim with my 2 wonderful little boys.  My mother-in-law was in charge of the camera and she got lots of pictures of the boys and unfortunately alot of me too.  I have been pretty good at "photo avoidance" but she got me good.  I was just putting together a powerpoint photo album with all the pictures in it and I can't even look at myself!  No wait, that's a lie.  All I can do is look at myself in disgust.  If it weren't for the fact that my kids are in those pictures I would have deleted them all.  I know my kids deserve to have pictures of their mom but it kills me that I look like that!  My husband is kayaking and I am so jealous that it hurts that I can't join him.  He thinks I am being ridiculous but I can't get in a kayak...or out of it for that matter!  This summer I get to watch as my family ride bikes without me, kayaks without me, climbs waterfalls without me.  Next summer I hope that I can join the fun.  I know there is a skinny, fun chick in here somewhere.  Thanks for listening :) <3

Goodnight.

I have to stop counting the days since my referral was sent to St. Joe's.  I am going to drive myself nuts if I focus on the date like this.  I am so torn when I read the blog posts for people who are further along in this process than me.  On one hand I am excited to see that people's lives are really going to change and they are as happy as I would be had I been given the good news.  On the other hand, the darker hand, I am so unbelievably sad that it's not happening for me.  That's so awful for me to think.  My referral has only been in the system for about 6 weeks but this surgery has been on my mind for 5 years.  I wish I had convinced my doctor to do it back then.  He said that if I was thinking about having more babies then I should wait....so I waited, had one more baby, and now I am more ready than ever.  I can only hope that when the time comes, I can look back and say "in hindsight, that didn't take long at all".

I have been looking though some of the amazing before and after photos and I can't wait to reclaim my life.  I want to wear a dress for no reason except to feel beautiful.  I want to buy a bicycle and rollerblades and a kayak.  I want to get on a plane and go somewhere I've never been, instead of pretending to be afraid to fly so my husband won't know that I don't fit in the seats.  I am so tired of my weight being a factor in the way I live my life.  For the first time ever, I feel like there is a light at the end of this tunnel.  I have been living as an overweight person for as long as I can remember and I am ready to find out who I am minus 150lbs.  In some ways I am afraid that I won't like what I see, I have been fat since elementary school and I don't know what I look like under all this flab.  I hope I can love that person more than I love the current one.  

It's April 17th, 2010 and I found out yesterday that OHIP approved me for gastric bypass surgery.  My doctor sent my referral to St. Joe's hospital in Hamilton on the 14th of April so now I am waiting for them to contact me with an appointment for my first consultation. 

I can't believe that this is going to happen.  I don't know how long the wait will be but the wheels are in motion now.  I really thought that I was going to have to go to the U.S. to have this done but I am so happy that it will be done in Canada.  Just a couple of hours away from my home.  

Starting weight is 319lbs as of today.  Let's see where this goes.