One Freaking Year!

Sep 20, 2011

I can't believe that it's already been one year for me. Honestly, if I had to do this all over today, this very second, I would. Definitely.

This time last year, had I said that running will be my new favorite hobby, I would have thought myself insane! But it is...I love running...even if it's only for a few minutes at a time, in spurts...I can actually say, "I ran today." This time last year, I couldn't even sweep & mop my floor without taking breaks because I thought my back was surely gonna break. This time last year, I had no confidence & no hope for myself at all...in any way. I truly thought that my morbid obesity would be my way out of this world. One year after, sometimes, this surgery is still all that I think about. All day. I cannot believe how it has affected my life in so MANY ways.  I truly believe that it is the reason I am who I am today...and that is a better person, both physically & mentally. :)

I'm not gonna lie and say that it's easy, because it's not. When people say it's hard to accept that you are no longer that person you once were, it's true...at least for me it was and still is. I've been a big girl all of my life, so it's all that I've really ever known. I still find myself walking in the plus size clothing area, I still can't take compliments well, I still think that when a guy hits on me, it must be some kinda joke, and I still have it in my brain that I can't do certain things because of my weight, so I never even attempt to try them. It does take some getting used to all of it...and I'm still learning every day to accept those words, "I CAN." 

A few complaints (but worth it) : The hair loss is terrible! But, I knew that it was inevitable. My hair was always on the thin side already, but after my surgery, I had to find new ways to fix my hair to cover up the hair loss. Most of the time I wear it down. It's slowly growing back some. I also think that I'm gonna be one of the people who is gonna have to get my gallbladder taken out sooner or later. I can feel it. I'm gonna come right out and say it, I can't stand the extra skin! My upper legs, arms, boobs, and stomach are terrible! I made a promise to myself that as soon as I can find extra work, I'm definitely looking into more surgery. My arms don't bother me as much as the rest, so I think I'd save that for last, and I've always considered getting breast implants, because honestly, there was never much to them anyway. Haha. So, the question with that is, "Silicone or saline?" I think some of my friends & family think I'm joking when I say all of this about getting work done, but I can't be any more serious. I deserve to be happy not only in a healthy way, but also with my physical appearance. Why not? Ya know? Of course, these are just little complaints right now. If I had to live with myself like this forever, I wouldn't care. Extra skin & all. The good that came from this surgery, for me, will ALWAYS outweigh the bad.

I'd also like to take this time to thank my surgeon, Dr. Brent Bruderer, for saving my life! Because in the end, it truly is what he did! There aren't enough words in the dictionary to express all of my thanks & gratitude towards this man. He made me love my life and want to live my life again. He made me realize that my life was worth living and that I deserve to live it healthy. Thank you, Dr. Bruderer, for giving me my life back. I will forever be greatful to you. :)

Anyway, I am down 125 pounds. I started at 335, and I am now at 210. WOW! I've never been this weight. EVER! Haha. Well, not that I can remember anyway. My long term goal is to get to 160 and my new short term goal, is just to get to under 200, which is reasonable to me, since I don't even remember EVER weighing in the 100's. I can honestly say that if my weight loss were to end today, I would be happy with it because I've never felt so healthy in my life, and I love it! :)

In ending with this blog post, I'd like to say to those just starting out on this journey, I wish you strength. Even when you think there is no hope. I know what it's like. We were all there at one point. As cheesy as it may sound, remember that you are worth fighting for. So, stick to it, and NEVER EVER give up on the fight to get healthy. It's awesome! :)

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