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Well, today I hit 226......officially 71 pounds lost (43 prior to surgery, 28 post surgery). I am so excited to see the scale reflect loss. I am eating more solid foods, less liquid protein, which I like. But I now see when I am stressed, things do not go down well and I revert to liquid protein. I am "quick" (or at least try) to pick up when things do not agree or go down well....I want to avoid vomiting at all costs......I had a few weeks in there where I was throwing up every other day.....oh, I forgot when I eat too fast!!! It is hard for me to put that spoon or fork down and eat slow. I was always a fast eater. Not good. One of my favorite foods, fish, is one that does not go down well unless very, very moist. Haven't figured out what sause will work well with fish? Tried poaching it in milk (I like Haddock, Pollock, Hake - all white fishes) but that does not always make it moist.
I had a stall for a week and now I am moving again. I need to be sure to incorporate carbs with my protein. That seems to "fuel" my metabolism. Been slacking on the exercise this week. Our son graduated high school this past weekend and we had a family party on Saturday. Found out I could eat cake (although I ate mostly icing) and ice cream. No dumping. ~sigh~ was sorta hoping I would. Maybe I ate such small quantities (yeah, right!) that I didn't challenge the digestive track enough?! I won't do it again because I do not want to experience it. I had gall bladder surgery 10 years ago and certain foods still trigger dumping for me (fats, mostly) so I do know how it feels.

I am just happy that I am doing so well. I get my protein and fluids in daily and I know that I need to stay the course. I have 71 pounds to lose and I am ok with how this progresses. I am committed to measuring my foods, eating foods that are appropriate, etc. I am making this my lifelong approach to eating. I do stop when I begin emotional eating and say, "do I really need or want this?" And if I cannot answer yes, right now, I have the will power to walk away. Besides, for me, it was and is about quantity. I cannot eat as much or as fast as I want with out severe repercussions (i.e. vomiting, pain) and since I do not want to experience it, I do not do it......I like and need that as my deterrent, sorry to say that but it is the truth. Having gastric bypass was my "tether" to be sure I would not go "over the edge" ever again. Can I ruin this? Sure. Can I abuse it to the point I could eat the quantities and as fast as I want? Sure. But now I have that stop-gap that forces me to step back and assess, instead of bulling through. I needed that and now have that and I am grateful for it!!

Just in a good place. I know it will not always be like this but for right now, I will enjoy it!

YEAH!!! 237 today......officially 60 pounds off!!! Wow! My husband says he sees such a difference in my "middle". My feet are getting smaller (not so puffy), my hands are smaller (ring size going down), and I see it in my calves. Still a long way to go, and not just weight-wise. More from the psychological perspective. I am fortunate that I still do not have hunger. But night-time is still a challenge. I just want to munch mindlessly. I know it is habit from before. Couch + TV = snacking. I have been eating a lot of SF popsicles. That seems to satisfy the crunch. This is something I will have to work on. Worked outside all afternoon yesterday. Swept the pavement in our driveway, while hubby got the garden turned over. I love spring. Hoping for warmer weather and getting more active.

Well, today marks 3 weeks and I have lost 10 pounds......wow......I lost 45 pounds prior to surgery and now I am barely losing. I know a lot has to do with the fact that I am a "lightweight".....I only have 82 pounds to go. I was so cold the first 2 weeks.....I had to wear long johns under my clothes and sleep on a heating pad! My metabolism is revolting....it is not liking calorie depravation! I know this may go slow for me but I am in it for the long haul. I feel so much better even now.....staying the course and trying to stay positive. My husband is so supportive for which I am grateful.....

 I am finally here!! Today is the day I have surgery. April 11, 2011. Wow. I cannot believe I am here. I am so excited as this will be the turning point. And then the real work begins!!
So many emotions today. I have been "practicing" for over 2 months, giving up the things that I know I cannot have but also, making decisions and gaining a better understanding of the relationship I have with food, and my body. A lot of what is happening right now is I am what I call the "zone". Most of you have been there: it is when you are totally committed to doing a "diet" that you will not be deterred. I have been there MANY times. And lost up to 40 pounds but then it all comes back on with a vengence when I relent!! Or I fall out of the "zone". I look at the surgery as a means of keeping me in check. When you cannot eat as much (hopefully) or the food has an effect on you (eat too much, too fast, wrong foods get stuck, dumping, vomiting), it is a physical deterrent for not only eating inappropriately, but being able to consume the quantities we are so accustomed to consuming. Lots of support from family, friends, and my husband. My mother came down for moral support which adds to the support. And the next chapter begins!

11 Days to surgery today.....all of you said it would go fast as time got closer. Time from appointment (Feb 9) to surgery date (Apr 11) seemed like an eternity but I used the time to learn more, lose more preoperatively, and now I am on the 2 week shake diet. Not as bad as I thought it would be with a big stomach. I am able to mix shakes up with chicken broth (Unjury), and unflavored protein powder with other drinks if I want. I look at this as one more step of preparation to shrink my liver and make it easier for the surgeon, since he is doing this laparoscopically.

Down a couple of pounds since I started Monday.

Finding that I am thinking about my surgery any moment my brain is not engaged in something else. Difficult concentrating on my work and I find myself being forgetful. I have no idea what is in store, because I have not lived it, yet the posts have been great to sort of give me a groundwork, framework to base things on. I think about the hundreds of detail questions I have and stop short of asking because I realize, just like raising children, althought their are some principles to follow, you learn as you go. Everyone's body is different, reacts differently, things which agree or don't agree food-wise.

Realizing that I have been "in bondage to food"......Now that I am relegated to shakes and don't have to think about what to prepare, or what to eat, realize how much time I spent with my "best friend"....YIKES!.....whether planning meals, thinking about, reading about, watching television about.....wow.....very telling. At church, there was a discussion on Matthew 6:19 - "For were your treasure is (in my case, food), there your heart will be also". This really struck home to me. Why I didn't get that I was a addicted to food (hello?....weight problem??)  and/or had an unhealthy relationship with food and how I used it.....

Ok enough on that....I have used my time on introspection and trying to understand my patterns and my issues so I can break the cycle, break the habits, or understand the triggers more so I can recognize them and address......so tough.....but hopefully will result in some permanent changes over much trial and error and time....

and not without a little drama, of course.....I was missing an official weight for 2009. Insurance required 2 previous years of at least 1 weight ('10 & '09). Lucky I had a few ER visits that year --- phew!! Once submitted I was approved. I did my preregistration over the phone with the hospital within hours of approval. And my surgery is not scheduled for another month.....

I now feel relieved enough to say, yes I am having surgery, rather than, yes, surgery is scheduled for........a big worry has been lifted. 
 
I am thinking time is going to pass quickly now. In a few weeks, I will be starting my preop diet. I have a mandatory class to attend. I am so ready for this (or at least I think I am) and want to begin the next chapter of my life.

Finding time so long, now. The good thing is I know I have an appointment with the surgeon.....Feb 9.....but that seems so far away.....yet it is January 25. 15 days. Thank goodness for OH.....and the posts/responses. The possibilities, for the most part, grow exponentially as the weight comes off.....for a majority of folks....that is why the psyche part is so important. I just want this to be soooo over.....(meaning the surgery).......because I know it means a new beginning for me and I cannot start on that journey until I have the surgery. But this time also gives me the opportunity to learn more, read more, and just continue to incorporate the changes I will have to make post surgery: shakes, water, increased protien, etc. Following the presurgical diet on and off just to try it out......my PCP had to reduce my hypertensive meds because I was starting to feel like I was going to pass out. I've lost 23 pounds and need to stay at this weight until I make it to surgery! What a challenge! I have never been able to maintain anything in my life! So tough! But I am......because this is important to me.

Well, 2 weeks until I meet with the Surgeon. When I first got my appointment, it was all I could think about. Been reading the postings on OH and familiarizing myself with all this entails. This is so helpful. Realizing that this will be much more of a psychological journey for me more than physical. And reading about the aftermath of weightloss, it's effects on relationships not only with others, but with self. Still trying to maintain my weight loss (self imposed) until my surgery (whenever that will be). I have never been able to maintain in my life. Looking back to all the diets, weight loss programs, etc., I could lose to a certain degree, but never maintained because I always felt I should be able to eat like a "normal" person......what is normal anyway?......highly overated......

Well, I've been exercising and toying with the presurgical diet to get the weight off. I didn't have to do it (not required by my surgeon based on my BMI) but I did....tricky part is, I have to maintain my weight loss until my surgery date! Lost 23 pounds. Still have a BMI of 42. Figure have it off now so it's that much less I have to loose on the other end. I am finding, even pre surgery, that the higher protein, lower carbs does agree with me. Trying to eat the small meals (protein) throughout the day which seems to help.....worried I won't maintain but the exercise is helping.....