zlynnc
Ok I can always remember being fat. Fat to me as a child was you were always one of the boys or shall I say you were the girl the guys went to too hook them up with a girl friend. You were the convient joke. You were the one they might practices on. You were the one the girls all made fun of or put shaving cream on while sleeping at the slumber party. You were the girl whose friend got the guy you liked. You were the one who didn't get your picture in the extra photo pages of the year book. You were the one who wore your dads tshirt over you bathing suit. You were the one who got boobs first but was made fun of or only asked out because of it. You thought maybe I am attractive now but actually he wanted to touch a pair of boobs like every other 5th or 6th grade boy. Your mom never understood. Espically if she had never been fat or chubby whatever they call it at that age. As I got older in High school and college I went up and down in weight probably because I tried more to starve myself or had spent allowance on booze and oddles of noodles in college. Though I did play rugbe at ECU for a semester. Later in early 20's I lost weight again on Erbal Life, got pregnant than lost weight doing atkins and going to the gym. After that I think I tried everything but Crack. It never stayed gone long it always comes back with extra baggage. The clothes got uglier. An I felt worse. I gave up things I loved like horses though we have one now and I can't wait to get back in the saddle. I want to learn to scuba dive and not look like shamoo. I want to be attractive to my husband. I want to feel alive again. I'm tired of always being sleepy, depressed about my weight. I know this isn't a quick fix, it is a new road and I am ready for it.
