Marriage on the Rocks

   I'm in a very toxic marriage and now I'm 63 years and afraid of divorce at this age. I truly believe he's the reason I've gained150 lbs. Now that I'm fat, he treats me like a second class citizen. I really don't know where to turn but to my new friends here. I'm suppose to be evaluated in May for my surgery. I need to stay in this marriage at least till I can get my surgery or I can't afford to have it done. I've given him my last 16 years and don't know if I can survive alone, I'm so scared. Can anyone please help me?

You have stayed this long. You've got the strength to stay as long as you need to, I'm sure.

You will survive without him, you're a strong person. Maybe you should look for counselling, or find a WLS support group in your area. No one can treat you like a second class citizen without your permission. Don't take his bull**** and if i were you, i wouldnt worry about him leaving you before the surgery, if he was going to leave, he would have left you already. He likely enjoys the power he has over you. Let him pretend he still has it, but work your way toward living the life you deserve.

first I am so sorry that you are in this situation, But i also know that if you are a praying women, God does and will answer prayer. Take one day at a time Gloria, God said that he will never leave you or forsake you, I pray God gives you peace in this situation, and it will work out for you, with or without your husband..

 Ok I will add my .02.  Google divorce.  The first thing most sites will tell you is that if you are planning to divorce you should NOT tell your spouse.  THere is no rush unless you are in danger.   
Get a safe deposit box.  Hide some funds.  Does he have dental insurance?  Go to the dentist.  Get a pap and mammo.  If your car is in your name get it tuned up.  PLAN.  

There is no reason to stay in a toxic marriage but leaving one can be difficult so have a strategy.

Good luck - everyone deserves a chance to be happy!

This pair of balls is completely correct.

1. Pretend that everything is hunky dory.  Don't change anything about how you relate to him.
2. Squirrel away every thing that you can because when you're ready to leave, you'll need funds to leave.  Make a mental inventory of your jewelry (but don't gather it up just yet) that is made of gold and silver.  Even if you don't have cash and can't get cash, you CAN sell your jewelry to get the funds to get out.

Good luck, OP.

I understand toxic relationships and I know that you can get out of them.  May is just around the corner and it sounds like your husband carries the insurance.  When I was preparing for my WLS I had to find myself first and get spiritual (nothing to do with religion if that is not your thing).  I did have a good support system because I am in recovery from Alcohol and I do a 12 step program which made me take a look at myself.  I hope that there is someone in your family or a good friend that can reinforce what a wonderful person you are and start to love yourself.  It takes time to go through all the steps to get to the actual surgery date.  Many will say keep busy, do things that make you happy and get out and about and find yourself.  I truly believe the work I did on myself before surgery made it so much easier to have the surgery and come through with no pain.  Some higher power was looking after me and I am sure there is one looking after you.

 First of all, I want to thank each and every one of you for taking the time to care and give advice. It's nice to know there is moral support somewhere. I don't talk to friends because I don n't want them to think of me as a failure. This is my forth marriage and they have all been nightmares, but I've always wanted someone to love me. Guess it's too late for that now. I was raised to believe a man would take care of you your whole life. I just don't think I can do it financially by myself at my age. That's why I stay. Maybe I can learn to just block him out. Yes, I am a Christian and know with all my heart he will be with me all the way.

but I've always wanted someone to love me. Guess it's too late for that now.

PLEASE don't let yourself believe this.  You are only 63.  Many, many folks find love long into their 70's and even 80's.  Your life is not over yet, although I'm sure right now it feels like it. (I know mine did when I was getting ready to leave my first husband - I was the ripe old age of 27 and seriously thought my best days were behind me). 

You are stronger than you know.  

 Thank you, you are a sweetheart. I guess you're right. I just picture myself living in some dirty trailer park because that's all I can afford. Done all that before. It's probably the reason I prefer marriage. It's really tough when you get older- you can't work like you use to and your health is not  the same. I'm so scared

Please with an open mind read "the care and feeding of husbands" by Laura Sleginger. It has a lot of information and tips with getting what you want out of your husband. If you have to stay and only if you are safe....this will help you feel better and feel enpowered to get what you need out of your marriage. Be strong Believe in yourself and stay motivated to go forward with your surgery plans etc. Best Wishes to you, Take Care, Debbie