New...to forums, WLS, posting, but being fat is old!

Hi, I am new to forums and posting, always just lurked in the background. I am determined to make this WLS work as nothing else ever has for weight loss. I have had my initial consult with the nurse, am booked to see the medical internist, the dietician and the social worker. All my tests are done. 

I have a great set of kids (3) 16, 18 and 24, who don't care if I'm fat but want to be well. If i think about it they have never known me to not be fat!  My concern is my husband. He is a great guy, a little overweight but not like myself, he is totally on the healthy eating band wagon and we are making changes. He is willing to help and exercise together but he is not supportive when it comes to surgery. He doesn't see why I need to go to such an extreme, even though he has watched me fail time after time at weight loss efforts. I weighed in at 328.2 at the nurse appointment yesterday I am 5'6" and 50 years old and have been overweight since forever, but it started in earnest after gaining 50+ pounds at my first pregnancy. I am now a "pre-diabetic and on the edge of high blood pressure, but the biggest issues I have is with mobility and osteoarthritis. I know getting the weight off will help.

How do I get him on board, I realize part of it is that he is frightened. I have had clinical depression for years and have been very stable on meds. He says he is worried that I will become the not very nice person I was before I was on meds, and he can't do that again. I will be having surgery regardless as I know it is the best thing for me, and I want to be healthy but I know it will be easier if he is on board. I have asked him to come to my next appointments and he is considering it. Any advice?

I had my surgery in 2014.  I have been on antidepressants since I am 15 years old.  The surgery did not interfere with the meds at all, so maybe that will reassure him.  I was diabetic, high blood pressure, huge hiaital hernia.  All of that is gone now and plus I don't snore anymore!!  Bonus!! 

It's normal for the people who care about us to have some fears and concerns.

I think including him as much as possible is your best bet. I'd also do the research research regarding your meds, and outline what the protocol would be if they need modifying post op. 

Id also explain how the health risks of obesity and obesity related surgeries are higher than wls. 

And id point him to literature explaining the science of obesity, and how it isn't a failure of will power, or ignorance of proper eating. It's a chronic condition, and at this point, wls is our best option for long term success and good health.

And finally, this sucks, but he'll only get on board if he wants to. You can give him all the information, but has to want to learn, and be open to change.

good luck, and remember you can always come here for support. This is also the first forum I've ever posted on. There's tons of good info here.

I'm 35 years old and I have depression and anxiety.  I live with my parents who essentially have to take care of me still and they are in their sixties.  It's one of the main reasons I decided to have surgery.  At this point I should be helping them out, but my weight and other health issues won't let me.  My father is for the surgery, but my mother is not.  It seems to help when I have other people who know about surgery talk to her about it and relieve her concerns.  The more people tell her it will be a positive experience, the more she accepts.  Maybe your husband and you should get a counselor who can help relieve concerns and tensions along the journey?

Hi, and welcome!  I'm a newbie here too. You'll love the people here; they are so supportive and helpful.

I was clinically depressed for years, and also have anxiety and PTSD.  I went through extensive therapy for years, with a psychologist and a psychiatrist.  I'm feeling much better now; still have PTSD and anxiety but am no longer clinically depressed, thank God. I was able to stop therapy and antidepressants 6 years ago, I believe.  When I started this journey, I needed an OK from a my old psychiatrist because of my history.  I was so lucky to get him on his last day before retirement.  He was so happy to hear I was trying to get WLS and was fully supportive.  He told me many of his obese patients did great after WLS because low self esteem and the lack of mobility and isolation usually caused by being obese went away as they lost weight. He said many of them were able to go off of all of their medications.  He said I may even feel less anxious because a lot of my anxiety is social.  Everybody is different and he was speaking in generalities, of course, but maybe your husband will feel some relief if he hears about this possibility? 

Good luck on your journey, and congrats for taking this step toward a new life.  I bet your hubby will be thrilled with the new you, even if he has reservations now.

Welcome, I've only been here a few months myself. I'm not sure about your meds, but it's a great question to ask your dr.  Maybe the dosage might have to change??  But knowing how you are with and without meds is half the battle. As you can see many people here are on meds and doing fine. Good luck, you sound like your on the right path. 

No advice for convincing your DH, just wanted to say welcome.

Thanks!

Welcome!

Has he lurked here as well? If not encourage him to. Reading first hand accounts of everyone's experience might do more to help him come to understand why this is so important to you, & that it's a tool you'll be able to use for your health. My surgery didn't interrupt my depression meds all that much. I was only without them the day of & the day after my surgery. My diabetes is gone, & my blood pressure is great. WLS was worth all of the effort to have it done.

Have you thought about attending a support group? It is a great resource and a really good sounding board for you! At the group I attend, we often have spouses come to meetings. It is a more informal way for your husband to voice concerns and hear advice in person from actual wls patients!