brownblonde
Moral Superiority
May 04, 2010
This is an open letter/thinking out loud for those people on OH who think it is their place to question your motivation to have surgery:For the most part, I get a lot of encouragement and positive feedback from OH, however, there are those exceptions.
I have found OH to have a big problem with moral superiority. It's like if you aren't choosing WLS with the same mindset that they did, or the same reasons that they did, then maybe you shouldn't have it. That is bullshit.
First off, I'm having surgery so that I can have a better chance at life--across the board. Some people on here are delusional to suggest that weight-appearance, and weight alone is not a big factor. I'm glad that some people have found a boyfriend or husband, have their ideal job, and are totally happy with themselves. Awesome. To suggest that people treat me the same now as they will when I am a size 6 is UNTRUE. I have been thinner in the past and while things may not automatically, magically happen, I can tell you they are a heck of a lot more likely to happen. I do go out some times, but a lot of the time I stay home because I'm fat. Exercise classes with my skinny friends--I don't want to go now and have them see my stomach flop up and down! WILL CHANGE. I don't want to go shopping with my friends. I can't even shop in real stores. WILL CHANGE. I hate going to clubs. I wouldn't really like them later that much anyway because they are trashy, but you must admit that is a venue where only looks count. WILL CHANGE. I didn't consider becoming a doctor because the physical demands would be too much on me and my feet. WILL CHANGE.
These are literally reasons why simply losing weight will change my life.
Honestly, some people I hear from are like "oh your weight shouldn't keep you from doing anything" or "my health was fine" and "WLS won't change your life." Then why the fuck are you having surgery? Seriously? If you are so happy with yourself, and the world treats you so well, and your health is fine, why do it????????? Stop draining money from your insurer and then maybe people who legitimately want and need the surgery, like me, can have it!
OH kind of has a Catch-22 going on here. If you think you will benefit from surgery, then you shouldn't have it. If you don't think you'll benefit from surgery and have no expectation, you're a great candidate.
It really ticks me off. Let's get real people: weight discrimination is real. Read the front page of OH for God's sake! Are there other reasons I haven't had friends, boyfriends, jobs, etc.? Sure. But if weight is one of those reasons I can fix, I'm going for it. It just really upsets me that people would call into question others's motivations. Is it so wrong to want to look good? To fee good? To hope people treat you better after you start treating yourself better? I don't question your motivation to "play with your kids." Don't question mine. I know it might make you feel better to pretend that bullies or otherwise uncaring people had a real *reason* to be mean. Sometimes they don't.
So you know what? I think I'll be better off after surgery. Let's leave it at that. Now if you'll kindly not question my motivation. I think wanting to be thin, wear cute clothes, and not be discriminated against is a hell of a good reason.
