brownblonde
Week 12 update
Aug 17, 2010
Weight loss this week: -0.6lbs.Total weight loss: -46lbs.
Man, I am just scratching and scratching to get under 35...maybe next week. Well, obviously this week's loss was not very impressive, to say the least. It's a combination of things. First, I noticed that around this time last month during my cycle I had about a 1lb. loss. My weight loss seemed to slow down quite a bit for 2 weeks, then I had a huge loss, then it was back to normal for 2 weeks. So I hope that's what's going on. Secondly, I have been very hungry, which again I notice is cyclical. Finally, I was feeling so low on energy last week that I was going to eat whatever I felt I needed to regain energy. And I have. I mean, I am definitely not just bursting with energy, and am still easily tired, but at least I can, say, walk with feeling exhausted!!
Last week was a very bad week. This week has been better. I'm still commuting an hour each way each night this week for math camp. Oh yeah, that carries with it the added benefit of driving through traffic. I am not a night person. And I am definitely not a study-at-night person! I did finally get a call about the internship I'd applied for. Had the interview Monday and think it went really, really well. I could tell that the guy who runs things really liked me and said I'd be a good fit--the only hangup may be that they have some really overqualified applicants who have already done this job at a national level, so we'll see. Also, I don't know how I'd juggle grad school and this. Granted, this internship is part-time, but the hours on it are more fixed than I thought, and with all the commuting for grad school, it will be difficult to put in all the hours. I also applied for a full time position. I think it would be a great job to make a little money and figure out what I want to do. I'm leaving all options on the table right now.
I have felt really isolated this past week and a half because of having the reverse schedule of everyone--when my friends or family get home from work, I go to school and they are asleep when I get home :( I was thrilled to have some social outings this week. My skinny sister and niece came to visit and I spent most of Saturday with them. On Sunday I caught an art exhibit and Sunday brunch with a guy friend...and he paid!! Afterwards I was feeling so confident that I gave another guy friend a call to talk about his week and I ended up being invited to his house! Unfortunately I do not think either have real interest in me. Then Monday I bailed on math camp to enjoy a concert.
The only bummer thing I've really noticed this week is that I'm still fat. I'm still very fat. Wow, yes, I totally notice the difference myself. For example: I sat in the chair at the concert and didn't even think about it until my sister mentioned it. I did it with ease and without strategy. It was loose! No worries! I notice all these little changes, but for the most part it just makes me say "geez, I was a lot huger before than I realized." People that I know haven't noticed, and people that I just meet still see me as a fat girl. I know I have a lot of work ahead of me, but it's still frustrating and I wonder if I will ever not be fat in other peoples' eyes. I also don't understand why clothes are fitting so weirdly. My 20's are too big. I suppose truth be told that I was wearing too tight of clothes and also refused to buy many clothes there at the end--I know I was really looking at about a 22 W at Target when I'm honest with myself and now I've bought 18 regular at Target. Still, I'm very frustrated with my baggy 20's jeans and ill fitting dresses and yet 18's don't fit. I thought I would be at the low end of 18's now, judging from my "going up the scale" weight. Just some thoughts.
