brownblonde
3 months post-op
Aug 24, 2010
-2lbs. for the week-48 total
Well, crap, I thought I'd lose a lot more. I will say I was terribly hungry again until a couple days ago, and then the past couple days I have not needed lunch, and been perfectly fine to not eat. I think this goes in cycles. And this is my life now. Worry-free, drama free. I could freak out that "ohmygosh I've 'only' lost 2lbs. this week and 'only' 48 in 3 months" but I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna because that's what made my life hell before and I refuse to return to that constant state between dieting and feeling awful, and the "day before the diet food fest" and feeling awful. I made it a no-win situation for myself before. Now I know that I'm not eating very much, and even though I eat carbs I keep a close watch over the portions (duh, couldn't eat it if I wanted it). I'm happy because I know what this is leading to--and it's all downhill from here!! That's GOOD news!
My clothes have felt looser this week. I have some size 16 brown pants from Gap from several years ago that I'm just about ready to start wearing. Still a little tight on my legs. Granted, they have a little give in the material, but that doesn't change the fact that I could not squeeze into them 3 months ago! What I find most frustrating, and I might have already mentioned this, is "women's" or "plus" sizing. Just because you're fat does not mean you have big boobs and a big butt. I'm the big version of a "stick-figure"--or as I like to say, I'm the "expo marker." Women's clothing has never fit me. It hangs off my hips, and butt and I have all this extra material in the crotch that I'm not sure why it's there. And shirts and jackets--forgettaboutit. I never have bought plus-sized tops because I'm a "nearly B" on top. I actually think it's kind of insensitive of clothing makers to assume that all fat people are the same. I am thrilled to be getting into some Target 18's and I can't wait to really be into the normal clothes that fit me. I'm still having such a time with fit.
Well, I've been feeling less exhausted this week. Still unsure about school and if it's right for me. I really think I should have taken a year off, but now I don't want to look like a dropper-outer! This program requires A LOT of commitment. I feel a little flimsy in that area and as if one tough day could knock it right out of me. That's not the kind of dedication desired for Ph.D.-seekers! Honestly, I'm still a lot tireder than I thought I would be. Just commuting sometimes takes it out of me. I know part of it is from the surgery/losing weight so quickly/not getting in a lot of nutrition energy each day. I also know that losing my grandfather was difficult and still is. But I'm in these classes, and unless I get a sign from above to do something else, I guess I'll keep plowing ahead. And who said I wasn't motivated?!
I am so sick of chicken. I'm beginning to get tired of food. I need some excitement in my food life! My birthday is coming up and I have tons of friends who are Virgos too so we treated ourselves to a birthday lunch on Saturday. Blair (my sister who also had surgery) went and we split a filet mignon with, I'll admit, some yummy carby sides. What a wonderful break from the dreaded chicken. Since surgery I've felt a lot more worthy of investing in. Especially when it comes to food--I've realized that if it's not great, don't eat it. Other than that, my week has been pretty boring. I guess that's good considering I've been so tired!
Okay, well I hope I'm not giving too many boring details. I just know I always like to hear the life sides of pre and post op people.
