Week 16...And Size 16's!

Sep 15, 2010

 Loss for this week:  0
Total Loss:  -56lbs.

I'm somewhat disappointed in maintaining, but I also recognize I lost a lot last week.  That being said, it can't hurt for me to get back to at least 1 protein shake per day, really focusing on protein first, and trying to get in some kind of activity every day (which I have not done).  Confession time:  I've been really relying on restriction.  I am, and have been, hungry since basically day 1.  I thought that the ppi was helping, but it's not.  I'm hungry every 2 hours (yes, real hunger, believe me I wish it were "head" hunger) and it's miserable--so yes, I sometimes snack.  Usually I try to go with beef jerky.  My point is:  If I were handed back my pre-op stomach today, I know I'd be my pre-op weight.  The only thing that has changed is my inability to eat that much.  Part of my brain says..."well, duh, that's why I got surgery."  And even then, eating as little as I'm able to eat I cannot understand how I could only lose 1/2-2lbs. most weeks.  That is incomprehensible to me!  Blah blah blah--my point is that the weather is beautiful and I am going to commit to protein shakes for breakfast, and activity every day.

Originally I thought I wouldn't get too caught up on the clothing issue.  I've had clothing in sizes 20, 18, 16, and some 14's--and I thought loose clothing might actually look nice.  Boy, was I wrong!  I pulled on my drab gray dress pants yesterday in size 18--3 months ago they didn't fit, about a month ago they fit perfectly, and now they simultaneously made me look bigger and swallowed up by fabric.  I couldn't stand it anymore:  I headed to Target.  Thankfully they had dress pants for a heck of a deal at $20.  I snatched up several 18's and guess what....they did the same thing!!  I walked out of the store with 3 size 16 pants.  Now I feel comfortable declaring that I wear a size 16!!  This is HUGE for me!  16 is carried in many stores!  I feel like it's the beginning step toward more-normal.  In addition, my mom said I looked like I wore a size 14!  How sweet!!  Also, as I was trying on these pants I caught a glimpse of myself and the mirror and that "grrrr you sexy lady!"  I cannot describe how awesome a feeling it was to be attracted by myself, for lack of a better word.  So, yes, I've got some work yet to do.  And it's important that I not lose sight of my end goal and become lost in complacency.  But it's also nice to sit back and smell the roses.  

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