How am I going to do this?

Jun 13, 2011

So, week one of keeping my log and making changes for my nutritionist, and already I am struggling and "cheating".  I am pretty frustrated that after getting the dream news of a lifetime, that I actually have a chance in hell of getting rid of this cumbersome weight via weight loss surgery and I can't get my diet together even a little bit. 

Maybe I am being hard on myself, but my nutritionist was flat out about me needing to make the changes now or I am going to gain weight back after my stomache heals.  I have to be honest, I am terrified of that.  What if I go through all of that, get skinny for 6 months, and then gain it all back.  I can't think of anything worse.  I already feel like a giant failure as it is for getting to over 270 pounds.  That is insane!  I feel like surgery is my last hope.  I can't really control what I eat for very long, that is why I am taking this extreme measure. 

I am sending my log tonight to my nutritionist, and I am not looking forward to her comments.  Tomorrow I see the nutritionist and do the metabolic testing.  After all of that, as far as I know I just have follow up appointments for psychiatric testing snd sleep apnea.  I do still need to meet with a physical therapist as well, and I don't have one yet, so I will have to kind of wait on that one.  The last appointment is around June 19th as far as I know, so my surgery should be in that area somewhere.  It is kind of hard to have to wait and wait like this, but at the same time, I am glad that I am putting all of the pieces of the puzzle together and that I will have a specialist working on every part of the problem that I can.  I don't know if I would have sought help for me sleep apnea had I not persued this course of treatment.

Despite, and maybe because of,  my continual failure with food, I am still optimistic that this will be successful in the end.

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