Celebrating Onederland

Feb 07, 2012

It has only been a week but I want to update that I dropped another magic 5 pounds which put me at 197, under 200 for the first time in about 6 years.  202, 204, always sticking points right before a rebound. Now, I'm not worried about a rebound.  I'm not sure how much more I will lose, and what my next goal ought to be, quite honestly it always seemed really far off and I expected to stall out for a while.  The tool carried me over the threshold into a healthier place.  To celebrate I am going to throw out all my size 20 clothes, and I ought to do he same with the 18s. 

I am happy, but in a calm way, not excited like I'd thought I'd be.  A couple of years ago after dropping 50 pounds, I was at 202 and went out and bought party hats and noisemakers to celebrate with my friends.  I never hit it.  Now, it's different, knowing that I won't gain the weight back, and my body is becoming small enough to maybe shop in regular sizes in a few months, that people will see me and not use my weight as the first point of reference, and perhaps when I go hiking this year, I won't sprain my ankle again. 

I love my tool, I love that I had this surgery.  Sometimes I want to eat bad things, the other day I ate 5 M & Ms, and then I started my period the next day.  5 was enough to end the ridiculous chocolate craving I was having.  Dangerous ground, but I think that I have a sense of control that did not exist prior, a sense of whether or not I really need something, and the ability to stop and leave a half-eaten plate when I have had enough.  I am sorry it took surgery to make my appetite "normal", but it did, and now I am healthier for it. 

So from here, where do I go?  Much like Alice in her own Wonderland, I am down the rabbit hole exloring this new pace that seems vaguely familiar, and yet, incredibly strange.  Unlike Aice, I have no intention of returning to the place I came from.

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