Tomorrow, tomorrow, there's always tomorrow....

Jul 14, 2011

Well, I have my psych testing done, and I am fit for surgery, with a warning that I need to be patient with the process.  I have been pretty patient thus far, but I feel like it will just never happen now.  It's like a calm acceptance.  I haven't lost any weight at all giving up my beloved Diet Coke, and I haven't been able to change my eating much with my large family.

On a personal level, we are moving at the end of the month into a bigger house with one more bedroom and room for me to craft and exercise, and lots of property for growing my own fruits and veggies (some are already growing now!) and flat land to walk around outside.

I am hoping for an interview tomorrow for a part time job, only 2 days a week.  I am a little torn on whether or not I should say anything about my upcoming surgery, mostly because I have no date yet.  All I have left is to see if I am complying with my recommendations, and to get a physical therapist.  After that????  I guess just wait some more. 

I took my daughters to the fair the other day, and there was a ride my smallest one couldn't get on without an adult because she was an inch or two too short, so I tried to go on with her, but try as we might, the carnival worker and I could not get the bar to latch over my stomach.  I should have been humiliated, but I felt more resigned, like I should have known I was too big.  Lucky for the both of us my 18 year old son came with a friend of his and they went on the rides with her.  Can you imagine how devastating that would have been for the little one?  All because I can't control my eating enough.  I am just hoping that next year I will fit just fine. 

I was looking at my closet today thinking I probably won't have to buy any new clothes for a long time, maybe never.  I have clothes from 16 on up, and I am probably a sturdy size 24 now.  In a perfect world I will hang out at a size 6, but I don't know that is realistic.  Maybe a 12-14...we'll see.

I guess that is what my problem really is, at first I was like, oh this is the last time I will ever eat this delicious food because I will be having surgery, and now I feel like it may never happen, and my whole life is on hold waiting for it. 

I know I need to get my act together when it comes to my food and exercise, and I am almost healed from my sprained ankle.  I have been go-go-going even with it.  I am feeling stressed out about money and time, my foster daughter's big court date, moving, my husband breaking his ankle at AT today.  I'm not sure how to tackle food and exercise when I have all this other stuff on my plate, and a family who feels like I am neglecting them if I don't make them three square meals every day.

Oh, and I have to go now to make play-doh for a volcano for girl scouts in 20 minutes...sigh.

I'll update when I have anything new to report at all...

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