Happy Today!!

May 05, 2011

 I woke up today feeling very refreshed (not in a "im awake" sort of way) but just "positive"!  As normal I go to the bathroom and hop on the scale....and to my surprise it said something positive as well!  217.6 new lowest weight since surgery!  That set the mood for my entire day I think.  I listened to music and sang to my son in the car on the way to drop him off at school.  And at work I have been in a pretty good mood as well.  Plus today is my Friday at work so that makes it even better to know that I have a long weekend coming up.
I think that I have been so focused on my weight, and my HORRIBLE relationship with my boyfriend that I forget to think about me, to thank God everyday for ALL my many blessings....partly because I have been so focused on the negative that I haven't even thought about all the blessings that I do have in my life.  I feel like at 31 years old I have to learn to pick my battles.  If "he" really wanted to be with me...he would do just that.  But why should I fight, beg, and try to make a grown man do something that he clearly doesn't want to do??  He is happy with seeing me for 2.5 minutes when I come home from work and then he leaves not to be seen again until 2-3AM the next morning.  I have fought, begged, cried, pleaded....nothing changes.  So what is the point?
College started back up for me yesterday and I found this new really cool Zumba class that I am thinking about doing twice a week.  So I have things to keep me busy...on top of being a full time single mother and working full time.  I am getting to the point where I just don't have the energy to fight with him about anything.  You want to stay out till 3am----FINE.  You want to run with your friends all weekend---FINE.  You want to spend your money on you and only you---FINE.  You are fine with never seeing me or doing anything with me like normal couples do---FINE.  I simply can't allow myself to continue to get stressed out, upset, and make bad choices for myself because of another person!  I deserve better, my son deserves better and with time we will both have better! 

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