Wants, Needs, Relationships

Sep 25, 2011

(not weight loss related) (well not completely)
I clearly know NOTHING about relationship but I have been thinking alot about my current situation and want to put it out in the open, get it off my chest and "vent".  Ok, so we get into a relationship because we really like/love the person right?  And with friendships we become friends with someone because we have things in common and we enjoy spending time with that person....right?  But aren't there "needs" that have to be fulfilled in order to make the relationship/friendship work...or last?  I will take my relationship for example-there are things that I "need" from him.  LIke love, compassion, mental support, recognition, Id like him to help me financially, at least on bills that are for the "family".  So if I am not getting any of those things....what is the point.  Ok, so what about friendships...I hate to say that I "need" anything from my friends but I think the same rules apply.  I expect my friends to be there for me, as I am there for them.  To lend an open ear, as I would for them.  I believe that friends are suppose to provide mental support, encouragement, tough love if needed, etc.  I mean the old saying says something out people coming in and OUT of our lives for a particular reason.  Maybe the reason that one person needs to leave my life is because he has no purpose in my life.
The great house that I found basically relied on me contiuning to be with him.  His new boss owns the house and offered us a teriffic deal on the rent....in exchange for my so called BF to do work for him at a reduced hourly rate.  BF agreed.  I signed the lease paperwok on Friday.  But over the weekend it truly sank in that I just can't do it.  I have more respect for myself and for the home owner (his new boss) then to bring all the drama, unhappiness, and madness to his home.  I have realized that things between me and him are never going to change.  He IS the way he is and I AM the way I am.  We just don't mesh well together, so it is time to move on.  Yep...ive said it before but I honestly believe that God put this entire "moving" situation in my plans to force me to make a decision.  I love the house, would love to live there, but why move just to continue to be unhappy.  He is not going to suddenly become a great guy just becasue our address changed.  This entire weekend we spent maybe 30 mins together...and we live in the same house.  He runs the streets all night long and claims to be working all day.  When we are together we argue non stop.  The dog chewed up his cable that goes from his PS3 to the modem.  He called me to yell at me about that and demand that I replace it.  But it is suppose to be our house, our stuff, our dog...yet it is my responsibility to replace things that get messed up.  He got paid Friday just like I did....I paid the cable/internet, the cell phone bill, signed my son up for a new daycare, bought groceries....he spent his money on himself or he kept it.  He told me yesterday he was trying to save money.  How can you as a man try to save money when you see that I am barely keeping my head above water?  THEN he tells me that "it is my responsibility to keep a roof over mine and my sons head"!  And he is 110% correct.  That is my responsibility and I have been doing just that since day 1.  But I assumed that when he moved in with me, and we started living together as a couple...that it was his responsibility to chip in every now and then and actually do something for me, or for the house, or even pay a bill...Id take 1/2 of a bill payment at this point.  He doesn't do any of those things.  AND THEN, we don't spend time together, he doesn't make me laugh, he doesn't make me feel special, he doesn't give me mental support, or emotional support, he doesn't do any of those things.  So I ask myself again...what is the poing?
I am tired of questioning myself.  He made a comment last night that he has "never had anyone do anything for him before in his life" Ok, so no one other than me.  He said yes, so my question is...why does he treat me like crap then?  His answer...is that he doesn't.  He says that he does his best that it just isn't good enough for me.  Funny...how things always get flipped around to be my fault at the end of the day.  I ask for too much, his best isn't good enough, and the new one is that all I do is complain.  I told him last night that is because I am miserable, and I have tried talking, crying, begging, pleading nothing else seemed to work so now I am just fed up and tired.
SO....I am going to let him have his big beautiful house.  And I am sure that within a week or 2 he will have some other girl in there.  But I have no control over that.  He will have to find a 'girl' that is ok with being treated like a doormat and getting nothing in return.  So I wish him the best.  I am going to move in with a good friend of mine for a little while.  I think we can help each other grow and get over the men of our past.

Now...on a weight loss related note (LOL) I went and tried on clothes this weekend....SIZE 14!!!!  Ive never been able to say that before in my entire life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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