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Well hello my fellow OH'rs!  Today is 20 weeks since my Gastric Bypass.  I am down 62 pounds, weight is 235 lbs.  I am finally starting to notice the changes in my body and see it in pictures.  I still have so much to go and am a bit distressed at the fact that it is going slooooow for me.  I have heard of people losing 100 lbs. by this time, but I try to not let myself freak out too much over this as everyone is different, every body is different.  I am not 20 years old anymore.  Back then I used to lose 10 pounds in one week if I really pushed it.  Now even with WLS and exercise I am losing about an average of 2 pounds a week.  At first it was faster, but now it seems to be down to about 2 pounds per week.  My big fear is that I will stop losing weight and just plateau, plateau, plateau but my nutritionist says that I will continue to lose weight for the first year.  So far, I do keep losing weight, it's just slow.  It really helps that I am seeing the difference in my body and looking in the mirror is getting a bit easier...

I went to the monthly support group that my doctor has at Palmetto in September and they asked me to say a few words to the people next door who were at the Weight Loss Seminar where the doctor tells them what to expect when they have WLS.  Well I didn't think I was actually ready to go up there since I just had my surgery 4 months ago, but they said I was ready so I went up there and was the first one to talk since I was the "baby" of the group.  It felt good telling everyone about my weight loss but when I was leaving this girl who was NOT heavy at all, she looked like she weighed maybe 170 lbs. at the most, says to me, "you had WLS in May?" and I said "yes" and she said, "and you've lost 54 pounds?" and I said "yes" and she said, "I had WLS in May too and I've lost 124 pounds!" and I said, "WTF????"  well.... I did not really say WTF, but I did say "WHAT???" and she shook her head... and I said, "you've lost 124 pounds since May?  Really?" and she just shook her head and chewed her gum and kept saying "yes" and she had wild crazy eyes.  Well...I just looked at her and said, "you're delusional" and I walked away.  And OMG I was so pissed!!!  I mean, who loses 124 pounds in 4 MONTHS?????  That's just impossible.  I mean... maybe if you're 400 pounds or more you can lose 124 pounds in 4 months, but she was not any more than 170 lbs, if that, she was probably less.  Which means she could not have weighed more than 300 lbs, even that was probably too much.  Now really, 124 pounds in 4 MONTHS????  Why would she say something like that?  How could that be true?

I talked it over with my nutritionist who also thinks she was just making it up.  She told me there will be people who will try and make you feel bad for having the surgery, or will do things to bring you down.  I hadn't experienced any of that yet but I have heard this happens to a lot of WLS patients.  I know of people whose marriage ends, friendships end, siblings fight... so I guess this will be something new to face down the road.  Why anyone would want to come down on someone else's happiness is beyond me.  But I guess there are all sorts of people in the world.  So that was my eye opener of the month.  I look forward to next time when there will be more pounds gone forever.  In the meantime, I would love for any of you reading this to share a story you might have had that was similar to mine or any of your relationships changing.  For those of you that blog and write your experiences, you are an inspiration to me and I enjoy reading them all.  It is because of you that I decided to write down my experiences and I want to thank you all for giving me inspiration every day.  Good luck to all of you on your journeys and don't stop writing!!!

Well my fellow OH'ers it's been over 16 weeks now and I am 55 pounds thinner.  I am happy and sooooo wishing that time would pass by quickly.  I can't wait until December to see how much more I will have lost.  I am 55 pounds down and I have a long way to go.  I can't wait until I only have 30 or 40 pounds to lose and I can't wait to start looking good - I am still an obese woman.  I know I've lost weight and it feels great - but there's so much more to go and I am so impatient!!  I can't help it!!

Tomorrow I going to buy a girdle.  Several people have told me that if you wear a girdle it helps with the sagging and also helps you lose weight giving your body a nicer form.  There is a place very close to where I live where they design it to fit your body and continue to contour it as you lose weight.  I am excited to go check it out. 

I am able to eat a lot more things than before, but all of it in very small amounts.  I get full very fast and if I eat too fast it makes me eat too much.  If I eat too much, I get sick and throw up.  I mean, my stomach literally hurts, I can't hold it in.  I want to stay like this forever.  I don't ever want to eat a full plate of food again.  I don't care that I have to drink small sips of water and that I have to wait for a while before I drink anything if I've just eaten.  I don't care that I get thirsty after I eat but have to wait to drink something or I will get sick - I love that I have this tiny appetite.  I love that I can take 3 or 4 bites of something and feel like I've eaten 3 or 4 plates of it. 

I don't have the dumping that other people have described.  I can eat sweets without a problem, but as with everything else, it fills me up so I have to eat only a little bit.  In any case, I do try to stay away from the sweets - much as I love them....

I'm trying to do the treadmill an average of 3 to 4 times a week - I hate exercising.... It's amazing the discussions I have with my own self on the way to they gym.  How can I be arguing with my own self?  It's hilarious!!!  But I know it's the only way I will lose all of this weight and I have a lot to lose.  So I do it and afterwards I feel very glad I did it.  My friends and family are very encouraging.  They all make very flattering comments and it makes me feel great.  But when I look in the mirror I still see a huge woman and I just want to make myself smaller so that I don't dread looking at myself in the mirror anymore.

I finally changed my avatar!!  I became godmother to my cousin's son last week and there were a few pictures of me that weren't awful.  So I took one of the better ones and did a close up.  I'm still not a fan of having my picture taken, but this one is a bit better than what I had before - you all tell me what you think? 

So here I am... On Monday, 7/26, it will be 10 weeks since my surgery.  I can't believe it.  I weigh 254 pounds, that's 43 pounds lost.  I am starting to notice it in my clothes a little but I am soooooo impatient.  I guess because I have so much to go I am just so ready to really start seeing the difference.  I started on this journey at almost 300 pounds so in order for me to really start feeling the change, I am going to have to lose about another 50 pounds.  That just makes me a bit sick - because the first pounds come off easier but everyone says it gets harder as you go along.  Here I am at 254 and still so much to go.... I know I sound like a downer but that's just how I feel - so impatient!  So ready to start enjoying looking at myself in the mirror.  I've lost 43 pounds and I catch a glimpse of myself in a window and I'm still so huge!!!  AAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!

In other news, I am able to eat a few more things, but I get full very fast.  I take 2 or 3 bites and have to stop.  I love that.  I find I have the most problems when I eat too fast - old habits die hard.  It's hard for me to chew the food so many times, I just want to swallow it.  And then chewing it so much kind of grosses me out....  but if I don't chew it enough, it makes me sick later.  And if I eat it too fast, it makes me sick later.  And if I drink water too soon after I eat, it makes me sick later.  And OMG I am the burping queen!!! lol... my goodness!!! lol....

I still haven't tried to eat steak, but I did try to eat a piece of a cheeseburger and that was awful, just awful.  I got sooooo sick...  So I haven't tried that again.  I can eat fish but just a few pieces and I haven't tried chicken yet.  What I stick to the most is yogurt, crackers with peanut butter, cheddar cheese and V8.  What I miss the most is taking big gulps of water when I'm thirsty, I feel like I can never quench my thirst with those little sips!!

Physically I feel good.  I've been going to the gym and doing the treadmill for a half an hour.  I'm trying to do that 3 to 4 times a week - I am very lazy, but I am trying to psych myself into doing it because I know it is important.  Any tips, words of encouragment, advice, are always welcome!

I want time to go by fast.  I want to close my eyes and have it be December so I can be closer to my goal weight and look better than I do now.  I am so grateful to have had this surgery but so very impatient to get thin!!!  It's driving me crazy!!

I went to another support group meeting on the 15th of this month.  It was better than the first one and it's always nice to see people who had the surgery 3 and 4 years ago and still look and feel great.  That helps me.  But I hate it when they ask me when I'm going to have the surgery.  Of course they do.  They still see a fat girl.  I can't wait for the day when I get asked how much weight I've lost and get told how good I look - I WANT IT NOW!!!! 

I posted 2 pictures I took about a week ago.  I will take more in a few more weeks and post those as well.  In the meantime I will continue to drink the protein - 4X a day, yuck.  It doesn't get any better with time - lol...  And take my vitamins and keep on walking....  and who knows????  Time might go faster as the weeks go by!!!  Take care OHers - best of luck in each of your personal journeys!!!

So today I am weighing 30 pounds less than I did when I had my surgery and I am feeling okay about it.  I don't know why I am not more excited.  If I were on any other diet and had lost 30 pounds in one month I would be ecstatic.  But I guess because I had surgery I am expecting to see faster results.  I realize this is not right and I should not feel this way, I realize that 30 pounds is a lot of weight.  But when you're weighing almost 300 pounds at the start of a surgery, 30 pounds is like a pound off of a skinny girl - it's barely noticeable.  Today, I took a picture of myself at one month that I sent to Robin, my BFF.  I will post it later.  I swear I could not see any difference between that picture and my 297 lbs. picture.    I feel it a bit in my clothes, but that's about it.  I guess as time passes it will be more visible but I am just so impatient!!  I want time to pass by quickly!!  I feel that every day has 48 hours instead of 24!!!

As far my eating goes, I am still completely on solid liquids/pureed foods.  I just can't tolerate anything else.  I have cheated and tried eating a piece of bread and threw it all up, it was a horrible feeling.  Then about a week ago, I was making my son some chicken tenders and they looked so soft and delicious, I thought, "surely this will go down easy"... so I ate one, with a little bit of honey mustard sauce.  It tasted sooooooooo good.... at first.  About 15 minutes later... OH MY GOD!!!  I thought I was going to die that night.  I am not the type of person that throws up easily, it took me all night to throw up that small chicken tender.  But I guess my stomach was pissed off at me because nothing else would stay down.  I tried taking that awful protein liquid late at night and I threw that up as well.  I went to bed scared to death, promising God I would not cheat and eat something I wasn't supposed to eat yet.  The next morning I was able to take my liquid protein and my liquid soup but even stuff I am supposed to be able to eat by now like cottage cheese - doesn't go down well.  Tuna, I have to pass it thru a food processor with lite may and I can eat it, but it doesn't go down smooth.  I keep thinking I'm going to throw up, noo..... yesss.... noooo.... yesss.....  My mom made me a lentil potaje, she passed it thru the blender and then the strainer and that goes down well.  And lentils have lots of iron so I am glad that's not a real problem.  I can also eat the Laughing Cow light cheese wedges, but I eat one and I'm full.  I love that I'm full so quickly, but I hate when the food doesn't go down well, what an awful feeling...

On Thursday, I went to my first support group meeting.  It was not what I was expecting.  I am looking for a place that's like a Weight Watchers type of place.  Not that they weigh you, but it should have a moderator and that moderator should introduce everyone there to everyone there.  Then people who want to should talk about their successes, setbacks, etc. This was a room full of people sitting around.  At some point there is a guest speaker, Thursday night's was a plastic surgeon.  After he was finished we were left alone again until it was time for a raffle.  Then you could buy the vitamins at half off and if you wanted to, you could speak at the seminar the doctor was having in the other room.  It's not a bad thing, but I just wish it was more directed to the people in the room and their experiences, foods they eat, people they are interacting with - it wasn't personal enough for me.  Would love to find something like that.  Please email me if you know of one in the Dade/Broward area.

I guess that's about it for now.  I am very happy I had this surgery.  If you are reading this and are undecided I don't want to tell you what to do, but in my case I am so relieved to be over the one month mark.  I am so happy I had this surgery and am so looking forward to continuing my weight loss journey.  I don't reget one minute of it - even the HELL I went thru in recovery - if that is what I need to go thru to lose this weight then I accept it.  Until next time OH'rs.  See ya....

I started work on Tuesday - that was weird.  After not going for 2 weeks I was almost afraid to go back.  It felt so weird getting there and going into a meeting and just sitting there thinking "2 weeks ago I was in the hospital and now I'm sitting in this conferece room like nothing happened".  I don't look much different.  The people that don't know can't tell anything is different.  The ones that know say my face looks a bit thinner but 20 pounds on an almost 300 pound woman doesn't make much of a difference.

I am frustrated about the weight loss - I don't understand how I could be eating just liquids and not losing more weight by now.  It's very hard to get on scale and see it stuck on 277 - but I know I'm not going to be the only person in the world who has this surgery and doesn't lose weight - so I am going to be patient and think happy thoughts and hopefully the weight will come off soon...

I keep wanting to get on my treadmill but I get home and I'm so tired...  I guess it's all mind over matter, I have to get more active.  I am soooooo lazy.  Next week I go back to the nutritionist but it doesn't look like my diet is going to change much.   After 3 weeks you can incorporate pureed foods but that sounds a lot like liquid solids - UGH!!!

I am now sleeping on my bed, no more recliner chair and all the tapes have come off my wounds.  It looks like the little bit of damage that is there now might disappear - yay!!!  I am taking that protein liquid - OMG that stuff is AWFUL!!!  I keep thinking I will eventually get used to it but the longer I take it the worse it tastes - YUCK!!!  I chase it down with a little apple juice to get the taste out of my mouth - it's awful but I am doing it!!!

Hope anyone reading this is doing well and losing weight!!  I will post again soon!  In the meantime, feel free to send me an email if you have any questions or want to know anything about the surgery!

I am enjoying the last day of my 2 week break from work.  Tomorrow I start again and am a little apprehensive about going back to the stress that is my job.  I guess I will take it one fire at a time and put each out as best I can.  If I need to leave early, I will, don't want to overdo it.  I think that even though I am apprehensive, it will be good for me to start my life back up again.  Right now I kind of feel like I am in limbo and need to start acting like myself once again.  I am on my second week of liquid solids and can't wait to add a little more variety to my diet.  I'm not hungry but I am really sick of milk, puddings, soup with just potatoes and pumpkin passed thru the blender.  I want to chew something.  I am dying to have a cracker with some cheese...  UGH!!!  I weighed myself this morning and lost another 3 pounds which is a bit discouraging.  But if I look at the overall weight loss, that makes it a full 20 pounds in 2 weeks.  So that's pretty good, certainly better than on any diet I've ever been on.  Still... I have been eating nothing but liquids in 2 weeks you would think the weight loss would be greater.  The body just adjusts to your eating habits and stubbornly holds on to that fat.... very frustrating

But patience is a virtue and time heals all wounds, right?  So I just have to wait and see what happens.  My tummy is just a little sore, but so much better.  The tape on the areas where they opened me up are falling off by themselves and it looks like there will be minimal scarring - that's a relief.  The belly is still huge but at least it won't be marked.  I finally slept on my bed all night last night and not on the recliner - I think I am sleeping better than before I had the surgery.  I just need to get off my lazy butt and do some walking.  I am going to try and get on my treadmill and see how that works out for me.  I will update on how it went at work next week.  Good luck to all!

April 29, 2010

 

There are two reasons why I have decided to write down my journey – the first is because I am sure I will look back on this later.  When I am feeling discouraged, I hope I will remember how tired I feel now.  How unattractive I feel and how my lack of confidence in my appearance affects every part of my life.  In addition to being extremely unhealthy, massive amounts of weight do not make my body look good.  I look at myself in the mirror as little as possible and when I do, it is filled with enormous frustration, regret and sadness.  I never in my life thought I would let myself get to almost 300 pounds.  At this point I might already be at 300 pounds.  I have reached the point of no return.  I know that there is no way that I can maintain a diet plan long enough to lose over 150 pounds.  And I also know that even if I lost 75 pounds, which is highly doubtful, I would gain it back again.  My body has gone through so much yo-yo dieting it is just waiting for the fat to come back. 

 

I am in the worst shape of my life.  At 48 years old, simple walking should not make me huff and puff.  Climbing a simple flight of stairs should not leave me breathless.  I don’t know what it is like to sleep soundly.  I know that I have sleep apnea and even that mouthpiece I am using to help keep me from snoring doesn’t completely help my situation.  I tried using that machine for the sleep apnea but I just couldn’t sleep with it. 

 

So I am writing this for myself because I want desperately to look back on this as I am going thru the process and remind myself why I did it.  I know I will never forget feeling how I feel right now, but sometimes a jolt of memory brings it back hard and if that will help me get through the difficult moments of the surgery, then it will be a good thing.

 

But there is another reason why I am writing this.  I really want to help those out there that are thinking of having the surgery and want more information.  I remember going thru this website and looking at the pictures and reading the blogs.  It was so helpful to me to read about someone else’s experiences, the good, the bad and the ugly.  I was starving for information and the people who wrote about their experiences were like food to my brain.  I wish I could thank each and every one of them for taking the time to write their experiences but I imagine many of them were doing it as much for themselves as they were doing it for me, so I will return the karma and do the same.

 

If you are reading my blog know that I have already had the surgery.  I didn’t want to post this until after the surgery.  As I write this I am in anticipation of my surgery which is going to be May 17^th.  Today is exactly one week after I got the good news that my insurance approved my surgery.  I had tried a few years before but they denied my request at the time.  I actually took it as a sign to try once again to lose the weight on my own.  And so I spent a fortune in yet another diet, which of course worked for a few months and then failed.  I’ve been dieting and going on diets since I was a child.  At the age of 11 I went on weight watchers with my mom.  I have been battling this addiction my entire life.   I’ve been dieting and losing and then gaining weight since that first weight watchers diet.  But it wasn’t until I got pregnant that the real pounds started to settle on my body.  At 155 pounds, I was already heavier than I wanted to be, and then I got pregnant.  By the time I had my baby I was weighing 240 pounds.  That’s an 85 pound weight gain. 

 

I lost some of the weight pretty quickly, but I couldn’t get out of the 200 pound slump.  My weight kept fluctuating from 210 to 220.  I went to weight watchers and actually lost 25 pounds, but then put most of that weight back on.  Then I want to Quick Weight Loss and followed their diet religiously for about 6 months.  I got down to 144 pounds.  I looked amazing and felt even better.  But as soon as I tried to incorporate regular eating back into my diet my mind and body went crazy.  I started eating food as if I was in a trance.  I remember making chocolate chip cookies and eating them with whole milk.  The pounds kept creeping up on my body and I just let it happen, I could not control the constant urge to eat, eat, eat, eat, eat.

 

It makes me so sad to write this down and relive the utter frustration of seeing myself gain all the weight I had worked so hard to lose.  But instead of trying to lose it again, I just let myself go and gain even more weight.  I could not bring myself to follow another diet for more than a month before I would go back and start eating and eating and eating.

 

I am scared about changing the way my body processes food.  I am scared about being poked inside and having my stomach stapled and my intestines rearranged.  I’m scared about the risks of surgery.  I’m scared about those moments after the surgery when the tube is in my mouth and it feels like I am choking.  I am scared to death about trying to swallow food and feeling as if I will choke.  I worry about taking little bites and chewing it over and over again as now I take huge bites and barely chew.  I worry about losing my hair and not getting enough protein and vitamins.  But I know that a lot of people have had this surgery and they have survived it.  They look great, they feel great and they have learned a new way to eat.  If they did it, I know I can too.  It scares me MOST to continue to live carrying 300 pounds around.  I want to roller skate with my son and get on roller coaster rides with him.  I want to take him to an amusement park and walk until my feet hurt because we’ve been there for 5 hours, not because I’m 300 pounds and can’t carry my weight for more than 5 minutes.  There’s so much I want.  I can’t stand being 300 pounds and yet being invisible.  People don’t look at you when you’re fat.  They may glance if they have to, but look at you, really look at you, it’s as if you’re one of many unattractive people in the world that don’t matter. 

 

So I am 2 ½ weeks away from my surgery.  I’ve told my mom and my best friend.  My mom has been very supportive throughout this entire ordeal even though I know she must be freaking out with worry.  I wonder how much sleep she is actually getting these days.  I wish there was a way I could take the worry away from her but being a mom as well, I understand there is nothing I can do.  Until I am out of the hospital and recuperating nicely she will continue to worry.  She will probably never stop worrying… 

 

My best friend actually had weight loss surgery years ago.  Hers is slightly different than mine but unfortunately, the Duo Switch, I think that’s what it’s called, is not done in many states.  I don’t think there are any surgeons in South Florida that do it and I’m pretty sure insurance doesn’t cover it.  In any case, she is very supportive and very glad I am doing this.  She understands what I am going thru, having gone thru it herself.  She lives in Colorado but is going to come down the weekend before my surgery and stay for 10 days.  I am so glad to have her support and her company.  It will help take some of the burden from my mother as well and having someone that went thru a weight loss surgery nearby is always a comfort.

 

May 16, 2010

 

Today is the day before my surgery.  I am so nervous and so much stuff is going on inside my head.  I had wanted to make some notes sooner but never found the time.  I am glad I have a few moments now to make sure I put some of this down for later and for anyone who might read this later on who is thinking about having the gastric bypass or going to have it at a future date.  Today was a tough day.  My son went with his father and I know he is upset about the surgery.  He is too young to really understand it all and at first I thought he was going to be okay about it all.  When I first told him, he seemed okay.  But I think that when he saw his father bringing the bed downstairs so I don’t have to go up the stairs the first few days, I think it hit him.  And then the realization that he won’t be seeing his mommy for a few days because she will be in the hospital… in any case, I know that when he left with his dad, he was trying not to cry and it breaks my heart.  I hate thinking of him being sad.  The thought of leaving this world and my son makes me sick with grief.  But I believe that God would not have brought me to this point just to leave this world.  I am not ready to leave this world yet, I know it.  My son needs me, my mother needs me.  I have a beautiful and wonderful family that I am not done loving and fighting with.  I have a true best friend who actually came down here to take care of me even though she lives in Colorado.  I have a great job that I know is going to get better and I look forward to that.  I am not ready and I hope and I pray that God still wants me on this earth because I don’t want to leave it yet.  That is why I am having the surgery, because I know that at this rate, I will be leaving it very soon.

 

So today of all days, my a/c decides to stop working… in this Miami heat.  In addition to everything else, I am sweating bullets.  I am sitting in my computer room with the windows wide open, thank God for the breeze.  But at least I don’t have to worry about keeping my body warm.  No trouble with that tonight!  I have been on a liquid diet since yesterday.  It hasn’t been easy, but it also hasn’t been as tough as I thought.  I was pretty weak yesterday.  I had to take my son to basketball practice and then I had to go to Wal-Mart and buy some things.  By the time I got home I thought I was going to collapse.  But other than the weakness, it hasn’t been so bad.  This morning I woke up with a monster headache which I think is from the Crystal Light.  I took 2 Tylenol and sat in my rocker and prayed my headache would go away and that I wouldn’t throw up.  God finally heard me, I fell asleep in the rocker and when I woke up, my headache was gone. 

 

Today I have stayed home all day.  Sweating like a pig in this heat but at least I am not outside.  I washed some clothes and took a nice long shower.  I had to bathe with this special soap they ask you to use the day before surgery.  But I can wash my hair with any shampoo so I am all nice and clean and trying to stay as cool as possible.  I think the anticipation has to be the worst part.  I am terrified of waking up with tubes in my mouth.  I’ve read the blogs about how horrible that is and spoke to a girl who told me to just remain calm.  Even the nurse at the hospital told me the same thing when I registered.  My friend says she doesn’t remember any of that.  But she had the DS and maybe they sedate you more with that one.  Because every blog I’ve read on the Gastric talks about those tubes and I am terrified about it. 

 

I know I am going to be feeling some discomfort and I am ready for it, I just wish I could get it over with.  Just close my eyes and have it be a month later.  In any case, I will try and get to these notes sooner this time and talk about “THE OPERATION” and “THE TUBES” and all the after effects.  For now I am going to read all the stuff from the doctor’s office and the hospital again and make sure I have everything ready.

 

May 26, 2010 – THANK GOD IT’S OVER!!!

 

It is now about a week and a half after my surgery.  I have been home from the hospital for a week.  Unfortunately, the power went out while I was in the hospital and my wireless router broke.  So I have not been able to go up the stairs and use my internet computer until I was feeling better about climbing the stairs.  On a positive note, I am feeling well.  I am still sore and itchy but that’s because the wounds are starting to heal.  I have to say that my surgery went without a hitch thank GOD.  I am grateful to be alive and so very grateful to have had an uneventful surgery.  I have spoken to people who had problems during and after the surgery and have read blogs about people having complications so I feel truly blessed to be one of the ones whose surgery went well.

 

I arrived at Palmetto at 6am on Monday 5/17 and didn’t have to wait very long to be taken into the pre-op room.  My best friend Robin was with me the whole time.  I put on a hospital gown which was too small – really – you go into Gastric Bypass surgery and they are still handing out small surgery gowns?  Ridiculous.  After asking for a bigger gown and having them flustering about and acting as if I had requested a pile of gold, they finally found one.  It was cold in that room but I had been warned about that so I brought a big furry jacket and put it on me.  Someone came by and took my blood and a little later someone else came by with warm heated blankets.  Those felt really good.  At around 8am, Dr. Sosa and his posse entered the pre-op like a rock star.  The nurse station even announces it on the loudspeaker “Dr. Sosa is in the operating room, Dr. Sosa is in the operating room!”  I expected to hear a bunch of screaming girls, but they hadn’t given me any drugs at that point…. J  There was a man next to me who I will call my surgery buddy.  Dr. Sosa looked into his room and then stepped back.  I guess he wanted me to see him.  He announced to the room that he had had a good breakfast and then said, “One hour”, to me and left.  A little later they were wheeling my surgery buddy out of the room and one of Dr. Sosa’s posses told me Dr. Sosa would be ready for me in an hour.  A little after 9am, I was wheeled into the surgery room.  I remember them taking me out of the bed I was in and putting me on the surgery table.  The next thing I remember was waking up with a tube in my mouth and certain that I could not breathe.  I was strapped to a table by my hands and ankles and could not move.  I started moving my head wildly in the hopes of getting someone’s attention and letting them know I could not breathe.  The nurse looked at me and told me to calm down.  I kept trying to indicate that I could not breathe and he finally said, “if you couldn’t breathe the vitals would indicate it.  You are fine, just relax.”  This did not help me in the least.  I was sure I was going to die and the pain in my stomach was excruciating.  I tried to tell myself that if I really could not breathe, I would have died already.  That helped calm me down.  If I hadn’t been in such pain, I might have been able to concentrate on trying to breathe, however the pain in my stomach was so terrible and the stress of not breathing was too great.  It was the worst time of my life.  I am assuming I was there for at least 3 hours and it was 3 hours of pure agony.  I was given absolutely nothing for the pain while the tube was in my mouth and the tube was not removed for quite a while.  The first thing I said when the tube was removed was “PAIN”.  The nurse gave me a shot in my thigh that he said would take care of my pain.  It did absolutely nothing for my pain.  I was begging for something stronger but they would not listen.  Finally after I don’t know how much time had passed, the nurse came back and gave me another shot in my other thigh.  This was a big deal, he told me.  Most patients aren’t allowed to get another shot, but he had asked the doctor and the doctor kindly granted my wish.  At this point, I was wheeled out of the agony room and into my room where I had been reassured they would give me something stronger for my pain.  My mother and best friend were waiting for me.  When they saw the look on my face they freaked out.  I kept begging for something for the pain.  Whatever drugs they were giving me were having absolutely no effect on me.  The nurse in my room must have never dealt with a patient who is suffering from pain.  She seemed bothered by the fact that I didn’t want to get right up out of my bed and WALK IMMEDIATELY after having had surgery!!  Imagine that!!  My mother and friend would not let the nurse make me get up.  My friend insisted I was given something stronger for the pain.  The nurse wrote Dr. Sosa’s number a piece of paper and told my friend to call him.  Dr. Sosa told my friend he would not give me anything else for the pain and I asked to speak to him.  I told him I was in excruciating pain and begged him to give me something stronger.  He told me that all of his patients received the same treatment and that I would be given something stronger in 4 hours when I was due for the next shot.  He suggested I think of how I was going to deal with my pain.  I guess he thought I was bored.  After all, I had nothing else to do, so why not take some time and think about how to deal with this bone crushing, gut splitting pain.  Very generous of him to suggest that.  There was no compassion in his voice.  It sounded like a recorded message he made for all of his patients.  I was in too much pain to try and reason with a stone wall so I just lay there in agony and waited for the next shot of mercy.  In the meantime, I think I did get up and walk but I don’t remember.  What I do remember is that the next shot of pain medication was stronger than whatever they had given me in the agony room and I fell finally into a fitfull sleep.  When I woke up, my mother and BFF were looking at me with looks of love and worry.  I told them I was better and I was.  The pain was still horrible, but nothing like it had been.  I was not allowed to eat or drink a drop of anything until the good doctor deemed it allowable.  My mouth was a dry desert so they gave me a swab that I wrapped around my mouth.  It helped a little.   I also washed my mouth with water – NO SWALLOWING!!! And that helped as well.  I kept walking around the hospital floor as much as I could stand to do so.  And of course, those shots for the pain helped.  By the time it was nighttime, I was doing better and when I woke up on Tuesday morning I was still uncomfortable, but the pain was manageable.  They took me to x-ray and made me stand on a machine.  Then a man came up to me and handed me a cup full of thick white liquid.  My first drink after surgery.  He told me I had to drink all of it so he could take pictures and after I drank that one, I had to drink another one.  WHAT?  Maybe he didn’t know I was a gastric bypass patient.  I explained.  He shook his head, “everyone says the same thing, you have to drink it all”.  What’s up with the everyone?  Does everyone look like me, sound like me, feel like me?  Why is everyone at this hospital including the doctor calling me everyone?  I started drinking the foul liquid and thought I was going to throw up.  “I’m going to throw up”, I tell the nodding man.  “Everyone says that”, says the man… nodding.  “Keep drinking”.  I had to stop for a few minutes and dig deep inside of me because the thought of throwing up that foul liquid was more disgusting than drinking it.  I finished it and there he was, the nodding man, with another cup full of more white liquid.  This one wasn’t as thick as the first one.  I started drinking.  When I was about ¾ finished he told me I could stop.  He took some pictures, left the room and I started walking around the room, burping out the foul taste.  When the nodding man came back, he said I could go back to my room so I was wheeled back to my bed.  Everything must have looked okay because the new nurse told me that I could start drinking liquids.  They brought in some chicken broth which tasted like piss (at least what piss smells like cause I’ve never actually tasted piss).  But the jello and apple juice were okay.  Water went down like a big lump so I avoided too much of that the first day.  I was so happy to be okay, with no complications or leaks or any other nightmare I had read or heard about.  That night, I watched LOST on my little TV set while my BFF watched it on hers.  I fell asleep as soon as it was over but I did get up in the middle of the night.  Everytime I went to the bathroom, I walked the hospital floor.  I know how important the walking is so I was paranoid about doing it as much as possible.  The more you do it, the easier it gets.  Wednesday morning they took out my IV’s and Dr. Sosa came in to my room for 15 seconds.  My mother asked him if I was ready to go home and he said that all of his patients go home on the third day.  I guess I graduated from “everyone” to “all”.  Great.  I left late that afternoon.  At Palmetto, it seems that if you walk in for an operation, you can walk right out.  So if you don’t ask for a wheelchair, don’t expect one to be waiting for you.  My surgery buddy walked out without one, but I felt too weak to go all the way to the lobby on my own.  They put me in a wheelchair that was too small and had nowhere for me to rest my feet.  So I left the hospital with my feet dangling and asking the man who was pushing it to please be careful because my foot got caught in the wheel twice.  It was really, really, nice to finally get home. 

 

As I said, I have been home for a week and I am doing very well.  I had my first doctor’s visit and nutritionist visit on Monday.  The nutritionist told me I could start eating liquid solids.  This means pudding and some Gerber Stage 2 fruit packs.  Also chocolate popsicles and pudding, yum.  I can also add potatoes and pumpkin to my soup as long as it’s all passed thru the blender.  I am so excited at having solids after a week of liquids!  The first taste of chocolate pudding tasted better than the finest chocolate mousse at the best French restaurant.  It was pure heaven.  At my doctor’s visit, Dr. Sosa walked in for 10 seconds and then informed me that the nurse would remove my stitches.  But when the nurse went to remove them, she told me that mine didn’t need to be removed, they would just wash off as I bathed.  Very cool.  As far as the swelling goes, I have to say that I have not had a problem with anything going down.  I started by sipping very small sips but am now sipping a bit larger sips.  I just make sure I don’t take more than one sip of anything without waiting for it to go entirely down.  It’s important to remember that your new stomach gets full a lot faster so you have to wait and see if you still want to swallow some more liquid.  I started taking the liquid protein Wednesday night when I got home from the hospital.  It tastes horrible but I swallow it like medicine and chase it down with a sip of apple juice so I don’t have to actually taste it.  I know it’s important to take it and that it mends your insides so I try not to think about the taste. 

 

The only thing I haven’t done yet is drive, but that is tomorrow’s project.  My mom has been taking my son to school and picking him up.  My BFF left on Monday and mom has been staying with me but I think after today I will be able to manage on my own.  I am feeling pretty much like myself only a little slower and more tired.  I guess it’s because of all the surgery but I do get tired a lot more quickly and need to sleep more than I did before.  Other than that, I am really doing well and so happy to have gotten over the worse parts.  The anticipation was nerve wracking but the actual agony of the agony room was much worse than I imagined.  I am so glad I am over that and can move forward.  I don’t wish that pain on anyone and strongly recommend that you find out if all doctors put their patients thru the same recovery.  If they don’t, I advise you to find a doctor that doesn’t make you suffer for hours the way I did.  It was really bad and I am not exaggerating.  I have been thru a C-Section where I took nothing, absolutely nothing for the pain after surgery and that was a walk in the park with ice cream compared to this.  Please do your homework and ask your doctors what happens directly after the operation during the recovery period.  If it is a standard practice to keep the patient awake and make them think they cannot breathe while they deal with a feeling of pain like your guts are ripping apart and your back is going to break then be prepared for it.  However, if you find a doctor that does not find it necessary to make you go thru that then my advice is to go with that doctor.  I am grateful my surgery went well but this isn’t a surgery that only one doctor knows how to perform.  Fortunately, there are many Bariatric Surgeons in South Florida and most of them have as great of a reputation, if not better than Dr. Sosa.  I would also check the hospitals, though Palmetto is Dr. Sosa’s hospital so you probably won’t end up there if you choose another surgeon.