6-19-10 A little over a month since my surgery...

Jun 19, 2010

So today I am weighing 30 pounds less than I did when I had my surgery and I am feeling okay about it.  I don't know why I am not more excited.  If I were on any other diet and had lost 30 pounds in one month I would be ecstatic.  But I guess because I had surgery I am expecting to see faster results.  I realize this is not right and I should not feel this way, I realize that 30 pounds is a lot of weight.  But when you're weighing almost 300 pounds at the start of a surgery, 30 pounds is like a pound off of a skinny girl - it's barely noticeable.  Today, I took a picture of myself at one month that I sent to Robin, my BFF.  I will post it later.  I swear I could not see any difference between that picture and my 297 lbs. picture.    I feel it a bit in my clothes, but that's about it.  I guess as time passes it will be more visible but I am just so impatient!!  I want time to pass by quickly!!  I feel that every day has 48 hours instead of 24!!!

As far my eating goes, I am still completely on solid liquids/pureed foods.  I just can't tolerate anything else.  I have cheated and tried eating a piece of bread and threw it all up, it was a horrible feeling.  Then about a week ago, I was making my son some chicken tenders and they looked so soft and delicious, I thought, "surely this will go down easy"... so I ate one, with a little bit of honey mustard sauce.  It tasted sooooooooo good.... at first.  About 15 minutes later... OH MY GOD!!!  I thought I was going to die that night.  I am not the type of person that throws up easily, it took me all night to throw up that small chicken tender.  But I guess my stomach was pissed off at me because nothing else would stay down.  I tried taking that awful protein liquid late at night and I threw that up as well.  I went to bed scared to death, promising God I would not cheat and eat something I wasn't supposed to eat yet.  The next morning I was able to take my liquid protein and my liquid soup but even stuff I am supposed to be able to eat by now like cottage cheese - doesn't go down well.  Tuna, I have to pass it thru a food processor with lite may and I can eat it, but it doesn't go down smooth.  I keep thinking I'm going to throw up, noo..... yesss.... noooo.... yesss.....  My mom made me a lentil potaje, she passed it thru the blender and then the strainer and that goes down well.  And lentils have lots of iron so I am glad that's not a real problem.  I can also eat the Laughing Cow light cheese wedges, but I eat one and I'm full.  I love that I'm full so quickly, but I hate when the food doesn't go down well, what an awful feeling...

On Thursday, I went to my first support group meeting.  It was not what I was expecting.  I am looking for a place that's like a Weight Watchers type of place.  Not that they weigh you, but it should have a moderator and that moderator should introduce everyone there to everyone there.  Then people who want to should talk about their successes, setbacks, etc. This was a room full of people sitting around.  At some point there is a guest speaker, Thursday night's was a plastic surgeon.  After he was finished we were left alone again until it was time for a raffle.  Then you could buy the vitamins at half off and if you wanted to, you could speak at the seminar the doctor was having in the other room.  It's not a bad thing, but I just wish it was more directed to the people in the room and their experiences, foods they eat, people they are interacting with - it wasn't personal enough for me.  Would love to find something like that.  Please email me if you know of one in the Dade/Broward area.

I guess that's about it for now.  I am very happy I had this surgery.  If you are reading this and are undecided I don't want to tell you what to do, but in my case I am so relieved to be over the one month mark.  I am so happy I had this surgery and am so looking forward to continuing my weight loss journey.  I don't reget one minute of it - even the HELL I went thru in recovery - if that is what I need to go thru to lose this weight then I accept it.  Until next time OH'rs.  See ya....

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