11 months out

Apr 10, 2009

Forgot to add this here for last months update, so I will add it now...Just a few days before the big 1 year!

Post Date: 3/17/09 8:15 am
Wow, what a wonderful, blissful journey this has been.
I started this journey, soo, soo unhappy.  Miserable at 231 lbs.  (though my highest weight was 256)  I had been over weight almost all of my life, except for a short stint in the 80's when I managed to diet myself down to 130 lbs..through starving and binging and purging I managed to keep myself at that weight for a couple years.  I mention this, because this was the time when I found my TRUE self...The woman I had always wanted to be..(Well, I was too young to be the woman I grew into, but you know what I mean)  I so loved being that woman.  I had all kinds of attention, not just from men...but from people in general...they were interested in what I thought about things, and for the first time in my life, I was not excluded.  Well, it didn't take long, and that weight started to creep back on....Up and up and up I went....I went up beyond what I had ever been.  And still I went up.  I battled with diets all my life..I think my first one when I was about 5.  My mother constantly had me on a diet, to no avail.
Today, I am really finding myself again. My health has improved greatly.  I no longer need insulin...I no longer show any signs of ever being a diabetic.  All my blood work came back excellent.  I no longer take anti-depressants, and I was on those for many, many years...sometimes my depression got so bad, I felt like I was living in a black hole.  I isolated myself, refusing to answer the phone, wouldn't answer the door, and basically shut down.  I even spent some time in the nut house for my depression.  I kept telling the doctors that it was all weight related...they disagreed.  Now, I realize that it probably wasn't ALL weight related, but a majoritory of it was.  Right now I am living through a tremendous amount of stress with DH out of a job...but beside the odd ativan, I am not taking any meds, and I am handling my life, with all its ups and downs.
My relationship with my husband has improved too.  My husband met me during that time in the late 80's when I was thin.  He had never been with a fat girl before so this did add a lot of stress to our relationship.  Don't get me wrong, he loved me, obviously...He married me when I was well over 200 lbs...but he never understood the struggle behind the weight.  He would always be supportive, from one diet to the next, but never understood why I couldn't just try harder.  He is now much more educated on the fact that insulin, and ghrelin plays a big part in our struggle.  Now, he, himself is having to watch what he eats because of diabetes, and being on insulin.  He now sees the woman he fell in love with.  He is proud to call me his wife...and he tells me how lucky he is to have such a beautiful woman to walk arm in arm with.  Our sex life has gone from almost non-exsistant, to 2-3 times a week...and that makes me happy.  We have fun again, we play, we laugh, we dress up...we do things that happy couples do.
I am not at goal yet.  I am 15.5 pounds away...I probably wont see goal for another 6 months or so...but I am bound and determined to get there.  I have had my struggles with stalls and such...but I also am not one to stick with a diet.  I have not done this low carb thing...although I do try and watch my intake of them...I felt that no diet has ever worked for any length of time for me...and I didn't want to diet now...I just want to be normal...and that is what I am doing...being normal...eating normal, like a normal woman would.  I try and keep to healthy meals and snacks, but if I really want something, I do indulge, but occassionally, not every night. 
I don't know if I will ever be one that gets into the exersize thing...I know I should, but frankly I don't enjoy it at all...I probably would have exceeded my goal by now if I exersized, but to be honest, I don't do anything on a regular basis.  I do want to tone up, so I am sure I will when I get in the right head space. 
I love my sleeve!  I feel like God has given me a miracle.  I would do this in a heartbeat again.  I am excited about my future.  I am excited about getting to goal.  I am excited about life...I am living proof that this WLS works.  I am happy, and when it all boils down that is all that counts.
Ani
Starting weight 231
Todays weight 165.5  

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