snags

Aug 21, 2009

8/21/09
i know some time has passed. like a good friend i know this site is always here for me. i am feeling blue today. work today was stressful, more changes. not sure if the changes are good or not. i am feeling angry, dissappointed, blue, and controlled. this job used to fun and enjoyable. my heart and soul have died in the job. the people are so not authentic, don't take ownership of their mistakes. the job has changed so, so much since i first got into it. i am grateful i have a job, yet, my heart and soul are not enjoying it. i have to put a mask on, and i not being authentic. i cannot be myself. there is too much politics in the job. i am trying to trust that my higher power is not going to keep there for forever, but i have to learn something yet before i change or am to work elsewhere. i also today, got into the comparison crap with other people's lives. i realize and know that each of us is on our own journey in life. other people do not have as much to grateful for as i do, and others' have struggles. i am so tired of struggling in life. i want more good in my life. i want to have a job i can enjoy and smile everyday and enjoy what i do. yet, i am not seeing what it is, or know exactly what it is. i am praying for an answer. i am trying to turn that over and trust that God knows what i need, and he will take care of me. i want to know when i can take a deep breath and relax and feel comfortable and not have to worry to such in my life??? When is it when i can receive some serenity and peace and not have to worry so much? i am having a moment of pity and i know, i am being a victom right now, but i need to get this out of my system. i know enough not to settle. i also know that food is not going to cure my feelings. so i have enough to keep me busy today.

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