chanakurtz

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OK, no more sad songs...I'm ok with the idea that "if" I have to go by myself, I will definitely not be alone...I have gained more true friendships since joining OH then I have in a lifetime.  I am assured that nothing will separate me from the love of God....

So, yesterday my mom tells me she's not going with me and not sure why I thought she was going with me..what a blow! Nonetheless, she has agreed to "help" with my kids 16, 12, 8..while I'm gone.  Although I'm very excited about this surgery, I have never in my life been under anesthesia before.  I'm trying not to stress about it, but what if this is some sign that I shouldn't have surgery?  I yearn for support and approval in all that I do. I can't stomach the idea of going to any establishment (be it foreign or domestic) to have a procedure as big as this, by myself.  I have to rest on the word of God:
 
Romans 8:28 says, "we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them that are THE called according to His purpose." WLS was created for us, to bless us, so that we can continually bless others with our testimonies.  We all have made a decision to LIVE and not die.  God's purpose is that we are according to Deuteronomy 28:13, "the head and not the tail, we should be above ONLY and not beneath..it goes on in vs 44 to say that we are to lend and not borrowers.  We have gone and are going thru this to make changes to this selfish world. I beleive that a lot of us are the chosen of God to do His will.  In doing so, we must shake the world of their stereotypes and assure one another that we are in line with God.
Jermemiah 29:11 says simply this, "for I know(God knows) the thoughts I think towards you(me), those of good and not evil to give you an expected end". I have to be assured of this scripture that "what God has for me is mine".  I do not think that God would allow me to meet such wonderful people and have a life changing procedure if I was not going to edify Him with the solution.

Psalm 27:1 says," the Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the strength of my life, of whom shall I be afraid "?( I will only fear the Lord). As of today,I will no longer be held bondage by the opinions and support of those who in the end don't have my best interest. I will be just a bit selfish with this decision...

I have to know that there is therefore NOW no condemnation in those who are in Christ Jesus who walk NOT after the flesh, but of the Spirit. Romans 8:1.  Today I walk after the Holy Spirit no longer seeking and yearning to be satisfied by flesh......

These tools really work if there is no underlining deceitful motive to mislead people.  Today, I connected with my sistergirlfriend Paula.  We taked for hour.  Thank you girl, I'm so glad our paths crossed at such a wonderful time as this.  We get to go thru the rest of our lives sharing our experiences....

I finally received my release.  My mom said she is not going.  She said she is not sure why I even thought she was going to Mexico with me.  I knew she wasn't ,just people close to me thought she would.  Nonetheless, I bless God for the serenity to accept the things I can not change....I can not change my mom but I can change myself, and I am...

OMG, my date will be here soon than I originally thought.I am so excited.  My original travel plans were pushing me way too close, my kids start school on the 10th of August and I wouldn't able to be back in Atlanta until the 9th, not leaving me any time for "just in cases."  It's going down yall!!!!!

I am so glad that as many of you have reached out to encourage me.  I wish all of you were here in Atlanta with me.  I feel so boxed in here with a bunch of people who profess their love for me...I don't want to hear it!  This weekend, I told my husband that I didn't want to hear that he loved me anymore.  I want to feel it! 

Today is the 10th of July, I'm on Hilton Head Island with 2 of my daughters.  This is the last "fat girl" vacation I'm on and I beleive that it will the most memorable because for once, I dont care about what people thing while I'm in my swimsuit knowing this is the last time I'm looked at with disgust....

Stay tuned for pictures from the vacation.....