Eileen O.
Pray First, Aim High and Stay Focused
Jun 19, 2009
Three Bullets
There once was a man who had nothing for his family to eat. He had an old rifle and three bullets.. So, he decided that he would go out hunting and kill some wild game for dinner.. As he went down the road, he saw a rabbit. He shot at the rabbit and missed it.
The rabbit ran away. Then he saw a squirrel and fired a shot at the squirrel and missed it.
The squirrel disappeared into a hole in a cottonwood tree.
As he went further, he saw a large wild 'Tom' turkey in the tree, but he had only one bullet remaining.
A voice spoke to him and said, 'Pray first, aim high and stay focused. However, at the same time, he saw a deer which was a better kill. He brought the gun down and aimed at the deer. But, then he saw a rattlesnake between his legs about to bite him, so he naturally brought the gun down further to shoot the rattlesnake. Still, the voice said again to him, “I said 'Pray, Aim high and Stay focused.”
So, the man decided to listen to God's voice.
He prayed, then aimed the gun high up in the tree and shot the wild turkey.. The bullet bounced off the turkey and killed the deer. The handle fell off the gun and hit the snake in the head and killed it. And, when the gun had gone off, it knocked him into a pond. When he stood up to look around, he had fish in all his pockets, a dead deer and a turkey to eat for his family.
The snake ( Satan) was dead simply because the man listened to God.
Moral of the story:
Pray first before you do anything, aim and shoot high in your goals, and stay focused on God. Never let others discourage you concerning your past. The past is exactly that, 'the past.' Live every day one day at a time and remember that only God knows our future and that he will not put you through any more than you can bear.
Do not look to man for your blessings, but look to the doors that only He has prepared in advance for you in your favor.
Wait, be still and patient: keep God first and everything else will follow.
FROM ONE FRIEND TO ANOTHER
Don't worry about tomorrow, God is already there!!!
An Article I wrote for work newsletter.
Jun 10, 2009
American that are obese and morbidly obese, which is a BMI of 27.6 -40 and morbidly obese is greater than 40, are 34.1% of the overweight population. An increase of 20.8% since 1960, which translates to increase health issues and premature deaths due to co-morbidities that are a direct result of the “Extra Junk in our Trunks!”
Many people who are obese have been so for most of their adult life. They are a part of the American population who have been on one diet or another for most of their adult lives, some even beginning as teenagers and adolescents. Diets that may or may not work for the short term but always fail in the long run. This is called “yo-yo dieting” and comes with a high price. I know from personal experience.
I have had an abnormal relationship with food all my life. I can remember being and emotional eater as a small child. Often taking and hiding sweets when my mom would come home from grocery shopping and then sneaking and eating “my stash” in secret. By the time I enter High School I was 5’9” and 200lbs. I hated myself and felt like an outcast not only among my peers in school but within my own family.
I began yo-yo dieting by the time I was 20 years old. My first attempt was with medically monitored diet pills, amphetamines, prescribed by a physician my mother took me to after college. I lost over 125lbs in less than one year but in two years time, I had regained that weight plus another 20lbs. Than at 24yrs. old I again went on a strict calorie controlled “liquid protein” diet and lost 150lbs, only to regain this weight plus another 50 by the time I was 28yrs old. My third serious attempt was at 28 with the liquid diet once again. This time I lost about 75lbs and found it and several more of its friends in less than a year.
During this period of my life I became obsessed with my weight, food, calories and exercise. I went from anorexic behaviors to bingeing and purging, along with this went an obsession with caloric intake and output. I knew what the calories were of everything that went in and I set out to burn them off and more by the end of each day.
When this behavior would fail I would become depressed and begin to volume eat to try and stuff down the feelings of shame and failure. I made so many attempts in between the medically supervised programs with Weight Watchers, the Stewardess Diet, the Grapefruit Diet, the 4-day Detox Diet….you name it I tried it until finally in 1990 my resolve to try again just quit. I was at rock bottom with my addiction to food. My “drug” of choice.
However along the way I learned to transfer my addictive behaviors to other substances and behaviors and by the time I was 30 I was spiritually and emotionally spent. It is when I join a 12 step program and began a journey of changing me. In the 18 years I have been involved in the 12-Step model of behavior modification I have struggled to get my body down to a healthy weight. There were many “ghosts” from my past that needed to be looked at, worked on and let go. I continued to use food as a societal accepted method of coping with the pain that often comes with changing one’s entire life and belief system.
The adage that says, “when the student is ready the teacher will appear” is just how things have been going for me during the past 4 ½ years. As I worked with newly sober addicts and alcoholics in the detox, trying to help them understand why they relapse and what they need to do if they want to be released from their addicted lives, I began to hear my own words reverberating in my ears when I’d reach for some food to dull the stress and strain of my life. Then I sought “through prayer and meditation…for His will…and the power to carry that out.”
And that is when I met Dr. Marc Neff, MD. Kennedy’s own Bariatric surgeon and made the decision to have a Vertical Sleeve Mastectomy (VSG)surgery. I put my life in this skilled and compassionate surgeon’s hands and allowed him during a 2 hour operation, to alter my insides; which will now alter the way and amount I can eat for the rest of my life.
In a VSG , the stomach is restricted by stapling and dividing it vertically and removing more than 85% of it. This part of the procedure is not reversible. The stomach that remains is shaped like a very slim banana and measures from 1-5 ounces. The nerves to the stomach and the outlet valve (pylorus) remain intact with the idea of preserving the functions of the stomach while drastically reducing the volume. there is no intestinal bypass with this procedure, only stomach reduction.
As long as I continue to work on and learn from my past behaviors, follow the guidelines and instructions of the professionals and enlist the support of the men and women who are “trudging the road to happy destiny” with me, my future looks bright again…so bright “I gotta to wear shades!”
Change is hard, scary and daunting when you look at the horizon, so I just focus on the day ahead and at the end of each day I look back over the last 24 hours and see what I did right and what needs improvement and give thanks for all I have…it is truly a blessing to be me today…who I am and how far I have come is nothing short of a miracle.
Attitude of Gratitude
Jun 08, 2009
I was even writing it on my Facebook page when the thought hit me..."You ungrateful bi-atch! One year ago that was all you were capable of doing. Lying around, feeling uncomfortable and depressed. Wishing you could go out and do some yard work. Wishing you had the energy to do anything."
I stopped myself, backspaced the sentence from my Facebook and wrote, "Another day off packed with too many things to get done. First it is off to the gym for my last training session with Sherry, then to my amazing chiropractor Dr. Gray for a 1/2 hour massage. After that "Me Time" is over as I head out into the yard to reclaim my property line from the weeds and leaves so the fence can go up this week."
I was so grateful from my brain change- now I'm going to go do 1hour of Aqua Aerobics and soak my tired bones in the whirlpool for awhile. Then home, dinner with the dogs and bed.....what a wonderful day!
Negativity
Jun 02, 2009
So I go into work this morning and find out that a coworker has been talking trash about me to other people I work with and I am pissed!
Now I am well aware of my character defects and when I am over tired and/or stressed I can be snappy (lately I am both - to the max). I am open and upfront about this with everyone who knows me and I always ask that if I "piss in your cheerios" to please care enough about yourself and me to tell me. If I truly meant to do that (and in the last ten years I know I have not set out to purposely hurt anyone's feelings) you will know because I will try to justify my behavior....and I am so acutely aware of what I am doing that I will be forced to apologize eventually....and while I am fighting not to have to apologize I will be tortured until I say I am sorry. Therefore I try very hard to get the "I'm sorry's" over with as soon as I realize I screwed up and hurt someone.
That said when someone intentionally hurts me, defames my character just for the sake of making themselves feel superior.......it REALLY pisses me off! I am not perfect. I am not always pleasant....who the hell is? But I am soooooo much nicer than I was 18 years ago. I have learned so much about treating others as I want to be treated myself and I hate it when I am disrespected for being fallible.
This woman told two other woman that, basically I am a bitch and you'd never know it unless you work with me. She doesn't even belong on my unit. She has been there for a month or so because she supposedly hurt her back and is now on light duty. She doesn't even know me. I was so upset...not angry but really hurt. Than I just thought about how miserable she is and she just has to take it out on other.... "Hurt People Hurt People!" I told my friend that I was miserable before I had the surgery and I was angry and anxious all the time but she said I was always positive. I always look for a positive way out of the fear and angry. I've learned so much in 18 years about my part in my own happiness or my misery...all I can do is pray that she finds the same but she is toxic to me and I need to step away.
She is scheduled to have surgery in a couple weeks and she will be gone from my Unit and it'll all be over. So just for today I can be kind and tolerant to her but I do not and will not extend myself anymore, not to have my trust and my feelings trampled.
Okay I'm done ranting....tomorrow is another day and I pray for tolerance and patience.
Dreams become Reality
May 30, 2009
I have "thought" about putting up a fence around my yard. Actually thought isn't a strong enough word as it is a necessity to keep my fur-babies safe. But my weight stopped me from doing everything I desired and dreamed about. Well yesterday not only did I get the first half of my fence but I unloaded it (with a little help) and will begin digging the post holes this week. By next weekend (or a little later) my kids will be able to safely run themselves silly in the yard.
Last year all I could do was think about doing things and thanks to my surgeon and my new tummy I AM a Human-DOING rather than just a Human-BEING!
On a more somber note I went to the funeral yeaterday for Nurse Fred. Although it was heart wrenchingly sad to see his family, the outpouring of love and comfort was truely overwhelming. The church was PACK! What a beautiful testiment to this man of love, compassion and peace. He will be missed by so many because he used his time here to reach out and touch the lives of so many with love. I pray I too may live a life like Fred. One where it is more imprtant to love than be right, to love than to be powerful, to love than to be self seeking.
As St. Francis said,"For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgiving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life. Amen" Fred is in that Eternal Life and I pray I can live life as Fred did.
Peace
So Sad - Nurse from 4E died today.
May 28, 2009
He leaves behind a wife and two sons but he also leaves behind a team that loved him. The nurses, cnas, clerical staff and management are all so shocked and saddend by Fred quickly moving illness and now his passing.
When you finish reading this please, if you are so inclined, say a prayer for his family both at home and at Kennedy Hospital. We will all miss him so very much.
Life is only promised while we are in the moment and breathing. The next moment is not promised until it is here. Don't waste one moment being bitter or angry, never miss a moment to tell someone something that will make them feel good about themselves or make them smile. You never know when or if you will see them again. Spread all the love and joy you can right now for it is the love we share that will live on long after we are gone.
Thank you Fred for sharing your love of nursing with me...I will never forget your kindness. Be at Peace!
2 more WOW moments only the "extremely obese" may understand
May 22, 2009
I remember the fear I had about a month prior to surgery and I brought my fears to the OH forums and asked for help. I knew someone out there would understand. The out pouring of support, love and wonderful suggestions on how to deal with wiping myself with a belly full of pain when it was so difficult to do prior to the surgery - I likend it to an "Olympic Event!"
Well I am so thrilled to let you all know I can NOW do it the way I was taught when I was a potty training little girl. So many, many years ago! I almost cried just now in the bathroom as it is truly the little ways I see my progress. I see my life coming back, I feel somewhat normal in a world that has been so difficlut for me fo so long.
The other WOW moment is that I once again can see my aereolas! hahaha Maybe TMI but I know there is someone out there who can identify. I am VERY Fair skined and my breasts went from a D cup (always was fairly well endowed) to an "I" cup. Which is very hard to find so I have been wearing bras that don't fit for about the last 10 years. Needless to say when they got that stretched out my aereolas dissappeared. Well they are back!!! And again the changes that are happening to my body are really amazing me.
It helps that I exercise about 4x a week at my gym and when I am home I am always doing something that 6 months agao I wouldn't even think about. Due in part because I knew I couldn't do it and it would so utterly depress me. Yesterday, in the throws of PMS, I took a chain saw and cut down a 70' row of 6; high hedge that was totally over grown. I have wanted to do it since I bought the house and yesterday was the day....this was after a 10 hour day at work!
I am constantly singing, "Ain't no stopping me now....I'm on the move!"
Hopeing everyone has a wonderful Memorial Day Weekend ~ please stop and give pause on Monday for all the Service Men and Women who gave it ALL for us to live Free!
Peace~ Eileen
OMG!!!! OMG!!!! OMG!!!! OMG!!!!
May 18, 2009
I have said it many times before but it is so worth repeating...."My head wants me dead and it would have killed me a long time ago if it didn't need my body for transportation!" I am going to my surgeon's support group meeting tonight. First one since I got the news that I will not be eligible for the Coordinator's position. I am still sad about it but I have to believe that God has a better plan for me....He never says "No!" to our hearts desire, He just says, "Wait, I have something better in store for you!"
I need to pray for patience! Peace to all~ Eileen
Another WOW moment!
May 16, 2009
Last year I could have never mowed the lawn in one shot. I would have had to start in the morning and it would have taken me all day. I would have to stop and take 20 minute breathing breaks every 20 minutes or so because my back would be killing me and my thighs would be numb from walking.
It is just amazing how different I feel physically...now I have to get my head in the right place. I still morn certain fods and certain ways of eating...volumne. But it is staying focused on days like today that will keep me moving forward. I pray I can stay focused.
Tortured
May 16, 2009
Now the major problem is I am still dropping the weight. So I play this mental game with myself - I can eat it because I still cannot eat a whole pizza! And I am still losing weight. SICK! I think tomorrow I am going to do the puoch test for 5 days and get this crap out of my system.
