Jeanie

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11-19-04 

Life continues to be crazy. I am up 2 lb today, back to 237. I must have spent a lifetime between 235-238, because my body LOVES this weight like it LOVED 264-267. I am trying to remember, this has happened before (264-267, 244-246) so I am not panicking. I hate when it happens, but I do have to take some responsibility. I haven't been eating crazy since we got back from NO, but I haven't been working out either. There, I said it. I last worked out on Tuesday the 9th. EEP .. that's better than a week. Kelsey is supposed to start with me on Monday, so I might do cardio tomorrow and then I might not, depending on my mood (prob. will) and start with a vengeance on Monday. I have to. I have no energy and my self-respect is flagging! I like myself more when I exercise. It's sad but true.

11-15-04 .. Whoa. What a trip that was. Kelsey and I each had appointments at WMC last week .. he had to do another sleep study and see the internist whom I can't stand (see above) and we both had appointments with Dr. Martin. The full details of Kelsey's hellish experience can be found on his profile .. link above .. it was rough, to say the least.

I had my REE/Body Comp done again, and I have gained 3 lb lean mass! Yay! I did not get a break on calories though; since I'm so much lighter now than the first time I did it (69 lb) I am to eat less calories than ever. Sigh. You can't win that fight! Oh well, no complaints. Especially since I'm down to 235. Yay! Finally re-broke 236. It feels good. Of course, I ate quite a bit last week and I am off workouts this week (mandatory OT at work eats up my workout time) .. we will see.

I did *not* get a fill .. Dr. Martin knows I'm concerned about getting too tight so he wants to do the next fill when Kelsey comes back for surgery. That way, I'll be there for a few days and they can observe and make sure it's not too tight. That makes sense to me. And I'm losing again, and getting stuff stuck left and right, so I will go with that. It's crazy right now. C R A Z Y.

11-08-04

Today Michelle, the peerless Southern BandGirl, wrote a post that I want to commit to memory. Failing that, I will just post it here, with her kindly-granted permission. It deals with different dietary styles and their implications for loss with the Band:

"there are many ways to lose weight with the band and YOU have to figure out which one you want and can do and if you will be happy with your rate of loss following this plan.

*eat what you want just less- self explanatory. you dont want to make changes in your eating just eat less. this is a FINE method of loss if you are getting in your protien. the thing is you wont lose as fast AT ALL. you have to be accepting of that.

*eat what you want just healthy- this is great because you are developing a new eating style. this is kinda a low calorie, low fat, low sugar HEALTHY eating plan. endulgances in moderation. you will still lose a little slower unless you are watching your calories, carbs, sugar, fat.

*diet- whether it be low carb, low fat, low cal, WHATEVER you are following a good healthy eating plan but your on a DIET...(i dont fear the "D" word!!!) this works GREAT with the band! you get the benifits of being on a diet + having restriction! you will lose faster if you stick with your diet and have good restriction. (i lost 18 lbs first month of atkins, 15 the next, 13 the 3rd month) this is called USING YOUR TOOL to MAXIMIZE your loss! this is SHORT TERM!!! once you get close to goal or to goal you can develop your own 'healthy eating plan' made up of good food chioces and endulgances.

and if you add exercise to the eating style your on guess what....it only gets better!!! toning, firm muscles, weight loss.... "

There it is in a nutshell. There's no one way to do this thing. We all have to pick our own style. My style has been like what she describes in #2 .. and I am dealing with the slower loss.

11-05-04 .. Well, I lost one of the pounds .. back down to 237. I had got back up to 238.5 .. I guess some would call that fluctuation, but to me, it was GAIN. I don't have periods anymore, thanks to glorious Depo Provera, so I have no idea when my cycle would be anyway. I feel better, but I will feel best when I am below 235.5 again. :/

11-01-04 .. sigh of relief .. why is it so hard to pick up that phone and tell them I need a fill? Why? Maybe because pride goeth before a fall, and I just got through telling Dr. Martin in October that I was fine .. no fill needed .. well, I was coming off a 4-lb loss, wasn't I, and quite full of myself too? Oh well. Pride be damned, I'm getting a fill. :D On 11-10. Pray for me.

10-29-04. Dark clouds today, literally and figuratively. I put on another 1 lb. this week. Now I'm starting to get a little scared. I tried to modify my supper intake .. but I guess I didn't do enough. I was hoping at the worst I would hold steady. I'm considering calling Belinda and having them put me in for a fill when we're down there in November. I know I should, but I don't want to face the red tape. I'm calling. This is stupid. The Band can't work w/o restriction.

I also want to print a post I put on Spotlighthealth.com today. One of the girls asked the question, do you think you'll ever lose the weight? She is giving up. I posted this, and I think I will need to see it again:

Friday, October 29, 2004 10:26 AM Edit | Reply w/quote
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Want to read something funny? I was normal weight until I hit 24 or so. Then I started putting on weight .. one day, I put on my cute little suit for a meeting at work, and it was tight. Too tight, and looked funny. When I weighed, I was up to (are you ready for this???????) 150 lbs! Shock Horror! I had put on about 20 lb, and as far as I was concerned, my life was over. Finished, done, over. I was *destined* to be fat forever (angst and drama brought to you as only a 24-year-old can) so, at that moment, I gave up.

Flash forward 8 years to 2002, I'm 32 and weigh 327 lb. Can I tell you how stupid I felt for "giving up" at 150? With a mere 20 lb to lose? Now I'm facing surgery, with all its risks. But I go for it, as it is the only solution I see.

2004. It's now 15 months post surgery and I am a slow loser, and I find myself having to learn lessons over and over again. It's a frustrating journey for me. But I am through giving up. I did that once and see where it got me. I don't make time goals ("I will weigh XXX by Thanksgiving," etc.) That is a setup for failure. If it takes me 3 years, 5 years, 10 years to get this weight off, so be it. I wish my journey was easier sometimes, but I have what I have.

I am done giving up on myself.

10-22-04

EEEeeee. :(

Once again, I've been behaving like there's no Hell. Or no gain. I gained 1.5 lb this past week. I had lost that magical 4 lb the week I ate more calories at lunch, so I kept the experiment up. Trouble is (looking back on it) I ate the same amount of calories at supper too! (Paging Jeanie, it's the DA's office!) I have been getting in more fat too, averaging 40% rather than 30%, so that has to stop. Add into the mix the fact that I missed several workouts, plus the trip to New Orleans, and there you have it. I'm not TOO fussed (lie) because it's only a small gain, and I've been there before. I know what I need to do; I am just kicking myself a little bit for making it necessary. Funny thing; when I lost those 4 lb, I knew in the back of my mind that I would have some rebound gain. Self-fulfilling prophecy, anyone? :/

10-18-04 .. Well! We did the WMC thing last week for Kelsey's initial assessment .. whoa, that was exhausting! He got all his initial testing done, and Faye worked a miracle and got him in for a sleep study. He had the same ham-fisted wench I had to draw his blood. She will never touch him again! It was awful. He said even the arterial blood gas test was nothing compared to the labs. Other than that, it all went really well. The WMC has greatly improved in their streamlining and pro-RNY bias.

I saw Dr. Martin, and we agreed that my fill level is appropriate for right now, since I am losing. I want to have the Band looked at, and have another REE/Body Comp done, but we will do that next time. We go back for Kelsey on Nov. 10-11, and I can have it done then. I'm currently at 235.5, so I won't change the stats upstairs. I'm glad of that -.5 lb, since we've eaten out so much since Wednesday! :) (Dr. Martin told me, "You've lost a 7-year-old"!)

Besides that, the trip was just *fun*. Kelsey and I haven't seen much of each other lately, due to work schedules, and it was grand just to spend time with him, even if it was mostly being captive in the doctors' office. We drove down Wednesday night and stayed in Metairie, as always, then drove into the city on Monday morning. That is always harrowing .. it took 45 minutes to go 12 miles. We aren't used to that! Once we were there, we settled in for the long haul, even eating lunch at the cafeteria. Faye (General Faye, as we now know her) pulled a rabbit out of her hat and got Kelsey in for a sleep study that very evening! And said I could probably stay too! Miracle! Only we'd already paid for the hotel room that night. After several tense hours, we picked up our stuff and the owner did not ask questions, just refunded us for the extra night. Lovely. We had a good laugh .. we had to have "sleep apparel" for the night, and we don't (ahem) *do* sleep apparel. We had to go shopping! Two sets of PJs and one fine Mexican meal later, we arrived back to the sleep lab around 6:30 .. we got in just after 7:00. The rooms were freaking palatial compared to what I did my test in. There were two rooms, each larger than our hotel room, with a view of the Quarter. The beds were queen size and nicely appointed; all the comforts of home! I shudder to think what rooms that nice would cost in New Orleans. We even got to watch Survivor and CSI. :) The tech was *very* nice, even if she did shake us out of bed at 5:45 AM. We were back in the clinic by 6:10; I had wanted to go take a nap out in the car, but Kelsey insisted we check in. Linda was there, and she went ahead and got us started. There is a woman who needs "sleep apparel" at work. She lives there! Kelsey did his whirlwind of testing, the dreadful labs, the ABG, the upper GI, then it was down for the group session. After that, he saw Dr. Ayad, I saw Dr. Martin, then it was lunch in the cafeteria and outta there! I had wanted an REE/Body Comp and for the lab to look at my band, but by that time we'd had it and were ready to hit the road. I'll get it done next time, Nov. 10-11. Whew! What a ride! :D

10-11-04
Whee-Hee! Not only did I drop into the 230s, I LEAPED in with both feet! 236! That is a 4-lb loss; I had to weigh several times and check the calibration on the scale before I would believe it. The only thing I did different last week was consistently forget my lunch, so I ate out several times. Kelsey thinks that getting in my calories earlier may have made the difference, and it makes sense. Shoot, I'll take it! (And I love that he is thinking like a Bandster already. 2 more days till his assessment!) I put some Fall clothes on layaway this weekend; size 18-20 shirts and 24 pants. I LOVE IT. I haven't worn those sizes since the Clinton administration. I'm in jeannnnnss todaaaaaay .. :D

9-01-04 .. gained and lost the same pound in the last two weeks, so still at 240. No worries. :) The big news is that, around the first of August, Kelsey decided he would "go with me" on my next appointment and see about getting his process started. This slowly evolved into him planning for it and actually looking forward to it .. then on 9-20, we had a fateful meeting with Dr. Mocklin, Kelsey's internist, who took Kelsey's "well, I'm thinking about having Band surgery" statement for the gospel and ran with it! He set up K's next appointment for April, saying, "you should be post-op by then"! It was funny but scary all at once, because, reading between the lines, you could kind of see where Dr. M was concerned and that the next step might be insulin. We Don't Want To Go There. So, after many faxes and phone calls, we *tentatively* have Kelsey scheduled for 10-14 and 10-15 to do his nursing assessment, etc. Yay Boo! <3 :)
I need to get HIM a profile of his own!