Jennifer A.

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I don't know what has been wrong with me the last week or so. I haven't been logging my food, getting in my protein & water, taking all my pills. I have been eating far too many carbs and I picked  up a coffee habit. The scale reflects too. It has slowed to a snail's pace. It doesn't help that I have only been going to the gym a few times a week, and even then I skip the treadmill and weights half the time (swim only). Why? What is going on with me???? 


I have excuses too and lots of them. Monday I skipped the gym because I had been spring cleaning all day. Tuesday I had a horrible day at work. Lastnight I needed to get the apartment ready for an inspection today. Tonight I have an errand to run with my brother so I may have to skip it. UGH!..... It makes me feel awful. Next Friday-Monday, the kids and I will be in Reno. Guess what... the hotel has a nice gym at our disposal! I also bought myself something nice and practical today: a pair of Reebok Runtones! I was in need of a good pair of running shoes and I can't wait to get them .

I know, as long as I continue to be aware of how much being off track bothers me, I will eventually pull out of it. Today my food choices have been so much better. Yesterday I made a point to really read labels at the store before buying anything. Even the things you think are safe have a bazillion carbs! As far as the gym, I think maybe I'm just getting a little bored. Every day it is the same thing: Treadmill-Strength-Swimming. I really want to start running at my son's highschool track as well as trying a kettlebell workout DVD. Eventually once I hit 200lbs, I want to start ice-skating again! I used to love it when I was a teenager and it was a great, fun workout. It would be neat to teach my daughter how to figure skate too :)

I think I need to stay off the forums for a little bit too. Everyone is an expert apparently. You can't help but compare yourself to others. My bariatric program wants us to eat anywhere between 600-1,000 calories between 3 and 12 months post-op and then up to 1,200 after that. The science behind it makes complete sense. They want you to eat 1,200 cals but burn (w/excersise) at least 400 cals per day. That way, when the magic wears off, your body will still maintain at 1,200 cals. However, if you eat really low calories (600-800), eventually you will have to continue to eat that low of calories just to maintain. Reading some of the forums is depressing and confusing though. Others are being told that they should only be eating 600-800 calories a day for the first year. I just don't get it. Especially with my less than stellar weightloss the last couple of weeks, it makes me second guess my program :( I start to feel as though I'm failing..... I know I could be doing better and I'm working on it. My goal is to wean myself back off bread and coffee by the end of this weekend. Which leads me to another big dilemma I am facing: 

What in the heck am I going to eat for 4 days in Reno???? I want to pack some stuff to keep in the room but there will be no fridge so my options are limited. Here is what I have so far.

Bottles of water
Protein powder 
Tuna & Crab packets 
Saltine Crackers
Apples, Oranges and Bananas
Peanut Butter (I put a little on my apple slices)
Beef Jerky (the soft nugget style)
String Cheese (Was going to keep in a bucket of ice)

Any other ideas???? I was considering buying an ice chest with wheels and throwing ice in it as needed (provided by hotel). That way I can keep some greek yogurt, cottage cheese, lunchmeat etc....)
 

Where did the last 3 months go?????? Currently, I am down 89 pounds (34 pre-op & 55 post-op). Life has gotten interesting to say the least. I am really starting to see a huge difference and I am getting alot of attention from it too. There are other things I notice too. I can cross my legs!!  Last Sunday we went to a zoo that had rides. Last year, at my highest weight of 344, I could fit onto the scrambler but had trouble climbing up into the seat and the little door/restraint crushed my legs. I was amazed when, after EASILY climbing into the seat, the door/restraint was about 3 inches from even touching my legs!!! AWESOME FEELING! My personality is changing too. I am not so afraid (insecure) to interact and talk to people. My work performance has definetly been affected in a great way. That I am beyond proud of. I have a crush too . I am not at all looking for a relationship. It just feels really good to have those feelings towards someone again. That and I get to practice flirting a little lol.

The next few months are going to be super busy. In 2 weeks, the kids and I are headed to Reno (our first getaway in more than 2 years). In May we are going to The Boardwalk in Santa Cruz. This trip I am super excited about. 2 years ago when we went, I stood and watched the whole time, afraid to even try the rides (because of size/weight). This year I plan on going on everything! Also coming up in May, a 5K. We walked it last year and I came in last with a time of 1 hour and 16 minutes. I really want to improve on my time this year.

So I am now 10 weeks out from surgery and down 78 pounds. It has been bugging me a little that no one really comments on the loss. Granted I haven't seen ANY of my family members since before surgery, but even at work no one has mentioned noticing the change. I start second guessing myself alot, thinking maybe it just isn't noticeable but that is far from the truth. I'm my harshest critic and even I see a HUGE difference! Anyway, the other day I decided to get my haircut. I was trying to grow it out but it is starting to fall out (both due to surgery and the fact that I swim every single day and the chlorine is killer). I made an appointment with a stylist I went to a couple of years ago. I haven't seen her since Feb. 2009. She kept giving me the weirdest looks and then finally said, "You look amazing!" And then, "You have lost alot weight haven't you?!" The greatest thing was she had no clue I had surgery!!!!!   It was an awesome feeling! She ended up giving me a super cute (and flattering to my new skinnier face) A-line bob that I absolutely love!

As far as the lack of comments at work; I know people notice because I see the looks, I'm thinking they are afraid I will be offended if they say something. It would just be nice to get a few compliments. Call it superficial but I like to hear things like that occasionally.

**Update** Now the comments have REALLY started...and I LOVE it!!!!

Well, as of yesterday I am down 73 pounds!!!! It is still so surreal to me. For the most part I feel great. I go to the gym still daily. However, my system has been a little out of whack the last few days. A little TMI but, I hadn't had a period since surgery which was 9 weeks ago. Well, it finally decided to make an appearance, accompanied by some killer cramps. We are talking child birth level cramps. Monday it was so bad I was in tears. This is coming from someone that has had 3 children, all natural births! I couldn't take it so I took a dose of my liquid Lortab (from post-op). At first all I could feel was relief that the pain was gone. However, the Lortab makes me really sick so I felt like crap the rest of the day. I haven't really felt the same since, although I don't know if it is related. I have been constantly nauseated, no appetite and super tired. Also, the gas pains I felt right after surgery are back. I thought maybe that was because I haven't felt well so I haven't been moving much at all (I did drag myself to swim laps though). I will walk on my lunch break and see if that helps any. Lastnight, after swimming, I got really dizzy and nauseated while in the locker room. It passed fairly quickily but still..... I don't like feeling this way!

I am now down 65 pounds!!  I still feel as though it isn't enough (the 31 since surgery) or that I'm eating too much. It is so hard to read posts from people months out who are only eating 300-400 calories. How and why?? It is starting to give me a complex. So I bought a little food and excersise tracker. Currently, I am taking in between 600-700 calories with an average of 65 grams protein. I also have started getting in 90 minutes of activity per day (more about that later). Yesterday was my 6 week post op follow up appointment. My surgeon said everything looks and sounds great so far. I didn't really have questions for him but had lots for the nutritionist. At this point (Stage 4), I can have up to 900 calories so I am actually well within range there. She wanted me to up my protein a little so here is my today's menu: 

Breakfast:                                               Calories:                         Protein:

1/4 cup plain greek yogurt                       33                                     4
1 TBS nf sf pudding mix                           20
2 tiny mandarin oranges                          20

Mid Morning: 1 scoop protein                  130                                   25
mixed w/6 oz water

Lunch:

1/2 cup shrimp (plain)                                112                                  23
1 slice apple (no skin)                                  10

DInner:

3 oz grilled chicken (boneless,               177                                   21
skinless thigh)
1/4 green beans                                              5

Post workout: 

1/2 protein bar                                             100                                   10
________________________________________________________
Totals:                                                            607                                   83




It is crazy to me that I now BURN more calories than I actually take in! Which leads me to my next topic. Last week I did something I said I wouldn't do until I had lost at least one hundred pounds. I joined the gym! I had put it off forever, thinking I would hate it or it would feel awkward. I absolutely love it! So far, I'm doing 45 minutes on the treadmill (3mph with a varying incline) and swimming laps for 1 hour....every night!!!  My 10 yr old daughter and I have a routine (after I'm off the treadmill): 1 hour swimming laps + water aerobics, hot tub and then shower. We are doing something positive together and it is always fun.  Lastnight I made the mistake of eating something I KNEW I shouldn't and paid the price. I was sick ALL night. That was the first time in 9 days that I didn't go to the gym and I felt so guilty. I won't let that happen again. I had just been driving all day (my surgeon is 1 1/2 hours away and traffice was awful) and I let myself get too hungry. I went to this little chinese buffet to get a 'to go' box. Normally I have no issues only picking out the lean meats and steamed veggies. Well, I picked up a small portion of tsao chicken. It was breaded (BAD), and covered in sauce (BAD). Well, I think it had sugar in the sauce because it ended up making me very sick. NEVER AGAIN!  I beat myself up about it. It is amazing how one little slip up can feel so dramatic now. I just don't want to be a WLS failure. I feel like, at this point, my old habits should be history, although I know that is far from the truth.

Anyway, I am going to keep logging my food intake and staying far away from things I know I shouldn't eat. I have to stay on track. I didn't risk my life to just eat myself around the surgery. That and I run the risk of causing myself harm and/or complications from not being 100% compliant.  

Tomorrow is my one month surgiversary!! I can't believe it's already been almost 5 weeks. I'm really bored with the Stage 3 diet and have found myself 'testing' out foods not on the plan. I can absolutely NOT eat sugar which makes me happy. Knowing that I will get sick keeps me in check when I start craving chocolate or peanut butter. I had a few very small bites of my daughter's turkey breast subway sandwich yesterday and it went down just fine. I do need to be careful because I find myself 1) not eating enough 2) skipping my protein shakes and vitamins 3) snacking off and on. I start back to work next Tuesday so I think it will be alot easier to get on track again. Right now I have cabin fever and get bored easily. Also, the kids and I are joining the gym next Friday! I am so excited about that. The one I chose has two pools (indoor and outdoor) and are both heated. I think that and work will give me the push I need. Anyway, I survived the dreaded 2-3 week stall and the scale is moving again. Yesterday I weighed in at 287 for a total of 57 pounds since I started this whole process! :D I haven't been below 275 since early 2005 so that is my next goal :D

I am now 16 days out and am down a total of 51 pounds (17 since surgery). Today was my 2 week follow up and it went well. Dr Chu (Dr Hahn is on vacation) was very pleased with my weightloss so far. Currently I am at 291.5 with a start weight off 344. I can't even remember the last time I was under 300! Anyway, since I am still having tons of pain on my left side, she put me back on liquid vicodin. I tried taking Tylenol but it did nothing for me. Also, I am finally on Stage 3 diet! I'm telling you, thin deli turkey never tasted so good!!! :) Today was really my first day out of the house too. The weather was beautiful. While waiting at the pharmacy, my daughter and I sat out in the sun and people watched. Today was honestly the first day I felt relatively happy and human. The last two weeks were full of depression and regret. Hopefully this will be the turning point I was looking for. Anyway, I am going to start weighing myself every Friday morning instead of everyday. That was getting a little nerve-wracking.

Had my surgery on 1/4/11. Everything went very well (my surgeon said). That first night after surgery was rough as far as the walking etc... I requested anti-nausea meds often and hit my morphine button ALOT until the next morning when it started making me sick. Since I wasn't able to 'release' any gas until the morning of 1/6/11 (at home), I had been in some horrible pain. Now I'm starting to feel better day by day. I'm still learning how my new system works. Still in some slight, off and on pain. Tired alot. Still can only handle sleeping on the couch. Lots of other thingsbut it hurts to sit here typing so I will write later :) No regrets so far either!

I had my pre op appointment yesterday and it went well. I woke up in a panic because I was almost 3 pounds over goal. All I could think is that they were going to cancel my surgery after I had already set everything up with work and the kids etc.. So I called and she assured me that, as long as it wasn't 5 pounds or more, everything would go as planned! Well, when I weighed in on their scale I was only a half pound over lol. So I panicked for nothing.

Lastnight, since I hadn't eaten all day, the kids and I had pepperoni pizza as my 'final bad dinner'. Honestly, it made me feel crappy. I guess that is a good thing though. Today through Sunday I am doing my super strict 3 day diet and then Monday I am on strictly clear liquids w/nothing after midnight. That combined with the magnesium citrate I have to drink that afternoon.....sounds like a fun day...NOT!

I'm oddly not scared right now. Anxious. I haven't been sleeping much because I can't stop thinking about it all. Most of it is about life after surgery. What it is going to be like. The weightloss. The way people react. It is crazy to me to think about finally losing this weight! Literally I've been stuck at this weight for over 5 years. I did so much yo-yo dieting that, unless I ate nothing, I couldn't seem to lose weight. That part I am excited about, it just seems unreal.

My surgeon reminded me why I liked him so much yesterday. I took my 10 year old daughter in with me. She kept making me laugh and he joined right in. It was too funny.

Well, I still have a million things to accomplish in the next few days. Hopefully I will finally get most of it accomplished today. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!    

So my surgery is coming up in just a little over a week now. I ate way too much today, which I was afraid of with it being Christmas and me being the one cooking a huge dinner for my family. I literally feel sick from both overeating and the stress. I am so scared I won't be at goal this Thursday and they will cancel my surgery!! I'm not going to give up though. I'm so close and I've worked so damn hard to get here. I haven't eaten since 5pm (and I'm still full 3 hours later!). Tomorrow I'm starting back on my 3 day diet plan (because it works!). Other than that, I'm so ready for surgery! At first I was terrified. I cried three nights in a row after getting my date, all over the thought of having to give up food. Right now, I don't know why I ever felt that way!! Uck.... Anyway, my pre-op appt is at 4:15pm on Thursday so I technically have almost 5 full days to get myself back to goal. I can do this! I HAVE to do this!!!