JennaMi77

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I have been at the same weight (literally have not gained or lost an ounce) for months. I am fine with my weight. I don't feel I have to lose anything more, I feel healthy. I am active and I am CONTENT. (well, most days.) I love my job. Eating healthy is easy when you are in the groove and you feel like hell if you stray from your diet. Another piece of advice that I abide by is that if I have a craving, indulge. I know how that sounds, but if I am craving the taste of chocolate, I have options...I'm not saying I eat myself into a coma, I moderate but I allow myself to ENJOY life. I know my limits.

I have a friend who is about to take the same journey as a lot of us on here. She (like a lot of us) has supporters in her life, but she also has those nay-sayers. The "professionals" who always have a better option for you. I think it is important to have a balance in your life, but those people who are not supportive of the decision we make can still support the person. I hope she reads the boards on here, I hope she makes the right choice for herself, no matter what it is.

I know if she ever needs to talk, I'll be here to listen.

How are you guys all doing??

Jen

 

 

It has been a long time since I posted anything at all. I am maintaining and finding it fairly easy. My lifestyle changed my habits and I no longer feel the urge to drown my boredom/emotions. I comfortably fit in a size 4/5. I feel great physically. I am happier than I was a few months ago so it seems that whatever was hurting me, has passed.

I hope this finds you all doing well.

 

I am usually the "friendly" one in the crowd. I was when I was 265lbs, as I am now, outgoing and fun loving...

Here is the trouble: Outwardly I am still smiling (however fake I feel, and I am sure it looks forced.) but inside I am screaming. I’m not enthusiastic about anything and to make matters worse, I can’t figure out why. I would like to say it has something to do with my mentality, but nothing has changed as far as circumstance. My weight is fine. I love my job. I just can’t get out of this mood. 

Here is an example: I find myself making sarcastic snide comments when this over chipper health and safety chick passes me at work. Even my best friend says “give the girl a chance, she is nice.” I can’t STAND her…I tried going to lunch with her just to see if there was something I could connect with, but she just rubs me WRONG. Under normal circumstances, I could pretend along with the best of them…but I can’t anymore. 

My other friend (Whom I have mentioned in other blogs, he was very supportive during the beginning months of my journey…) has suddenly disappeared. Don’t get me wrong, I still work with him, I just never see him. Not sure what happened there either…I’m sure I’m keeping my negativity pretty well buried.

 Our Christmas party is in a week. I have my tickets. I have my dress and my shoes. My appointments are all made for my hair, make-up and nails. I just can’t find my enthusiasm…I hope like hell it comes back, and soon.

I am eating...wait...correction...I am doing my best to eat. I am 2 weeks past my Gallbladder removal. I am having more trouble eating now than I EVER did with my initial surgery. Anything with oil "falls" through me. I have been sleeping with a hot water bottle on my tummy for 2 weeks and will not give it up. The scars (Which I will post later) are bad.

I am still happy with everything I have accomplished, but I am frustrated with setbacks.

Happy holidays to everyone!!

LOVE TO ALL!

So about 2 weeks ago I caught the "bug" that is going around here. It leveled me. Tuesday night I felt it coming on, and I called in sick on Wednesday. By 10:00 A.M., however, I felt I was being a wimp, dragged my butt out of bed and headed into work. Let me back up a bit. This all started the Tuesday after Thanksgiving. I had tried to have some leftovers for dinner on Tuesday and (what I thought was) something get stuck, in the centre of my abdomen. It just sat there. It caused me more pain than I had ever had before...even more so when I laid down. It was weird. Wednesday, as I mentioned, I "Sucked it up" and went into work for about 10:00 A.M. I was hacking and coughing and still had the ache in my chest. I even posted on the forum to get some help with what I thought was indigestion. By 4PM I was in AGONY, I was in tears and called my clinic. I spoke with the nurse who suggested that I should immediately go to emerg. Do not pass go, do not collect shampoo or toothpaste. So I checked myself into Guelph Gen. at around 6:00pm. I was immediately admitted, I had a CT , a bed-side ultrasound and a EKG. It was determined that I had a Gallbladder Attack. 

WTF is a Gallbladder?? I had vaguely heard the term before. I didn't know it's function. 

I was in the Hospital for 3 nights, 4 days clearing up a UTI, Bladder and Lung Infection. I was released on a Saturday afternoon. I am scheduled for my Gallbladder surgery (Yay!! More scars!!) November 21. I am no longer in pain with the Gallbladder, though I can feel it coming on if I eat very spicy things. I was very lucky to have Dr. Bhojani, Dr. Foute-Nelong, and Dr. Reed. at my side.

What a ride!!

I am at a "Healthy Weight" at 154lbs. I have not been here in decades. I have been fighting a cold but I know it has nothing to do with my surgery. I just have to remember to eat. I am thrilled to feel good about my body. Even with the wrinkles and bits that look out of place, I am at peace with where I am.

Thanks to all who have joined me on this journey.

Old Me vs. New Me  
Old me
-         Loved Hambergers
-         Loved Chocolate
-         Loved a big glass of milk with her bag of chips
-         Wouldn’t just have one or two slices of toast, but maybe 4.
-         Loved chicken in any shape, wing, nugget, roasted fried etc.
-         Loved fries from McDonalds.
-         Loved ice cream, any time of the day…heaping bowls of it.
-         Loved Kraft Dinner
-         Loved Hot Dogs.
-         Loved Pepsi, Sprite, Mountain Dew, Dr. Pepper and Ginger Ale
-         Ate more if something upset her…or if she got bored.
-         Mollified feelings of every nature with food.
-         Hated looking at pictures of myself, or even my own reflection.  

New Me
-         Can’t eat any meat without getting very sick with the exception of steak. This means chicken too.
-         Is Lactose Intolerant…no more Ice Cream OR big glasses of milk.
-         Seems to feel EVERYTHING magnified 100x because I can’t shove it down with food. (This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but I am not used to it at all.)
-         I’m limited with what I can eat, but I can accommodate any situation by finding something that “sits” well.
-         Feels healthier.
-         Is looking forward to going dress shopping for 2 (possibly 3) weddings I get to attend over the summer.
-         Enjoys looking at the change and loves feeling awe at my radical new body.
-         Loves being told that I look great.
-         Is getting use to the looks and comments.       
- Is starting to feel “worthy” of my friends and loved ones, because I can keep up.

It is all about the positivity today.

I am in a size 10 pants, I have *NEVER* seen a size 10 in my adult life. I am enjoying my job. I have friends who love me and I am not lazy any more. I love getting up and living life.

This journey (so far) has not been a walk in the park. I never believed it would be, but I am taking away from it, so many things. I am learning about myself every day and have the support of mostly everyone in my life. I would recommend this surgery to anyone who had the willpower and support behind them. It is not something I would recommend people to take on alone.

I have a friend who tells me on a daily basis how brave, strong and beautiful I am. I thank him EVERY DAY.

I hope everyone is having a stellar week. I am trying. This is what I learned this week.

- Being so close to my Dr.'s goal for me (180lbs) has me more motivated to get past it and to my own.

- I want to try new sports, so this week I went out and bought a baseball bat, baseball and glove to give it a go...AND on my Birthday (June 16th) I picked up a driver and went to the range to try my hand at that. As my friend Meghan said whilst there, (In her best southern accent "You take to that, like a duck to wah-ter." I was driving approx. 100yrds each time!

- I went bathing suit shopping...did you know it does NOT get easier when you aren't use to looking at your body in the first place?

- I am getting the up and down 'scope you out' at work...its just weird how my mind automatically jumps to "What are YOU looking at??" I am not use to positive remarks with regards to my body. And as my guy-friend at work says, "You know, some of these people have not seen you in months (as they have been out of the office working in different countries) your transformation, even to me who has seen you almost every day is pretty incredible."

I guess I should relax a bit...

So on Monday I weighed in, and nearly had a heart attack. I had gone UP 1.4 lbs. I was like, “What the smurf??”  so I went about reading WHY the small (by any standards really) increase. Especially since I thought I had a stellar weekend with eating., plus I was very active. It would appear I didn’t eat enough and my body was in starvation mode BECAUSE I was so active I should have been eating more.   Throughout Monday, I ate when I could, veggies, soup, I was chowing DOWN.   Tuesday I hopped on the scale and had dropped down 4 lbs.   Such a weird journey we are on. My body is not reacting in any logical way. In fact it seems a bit schizophrenic.   I have to keep on trucking through though, and maybe only hop on the scale once a week.