JennaMi77

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So I have started with the sit-ups in the morning (550 of them...who knew I had the stamina?) I am now contemplating running...(If I have to hear one more time from friends "How are your knees holding up" I will scream)...I never ever had problems with my knees. I have a replaced ankle, 2 plates and 21 pins from a fall...but my knees are fine. I want to try running. Even interval running to start.

Food and I are still not seeing eye-to-eye, I still throw up and am still reacting to lactose. I am 6 lbs away from the goal Dr. Reed gave me, but I KNOW I can see my goal. (150 lbs)

I don't get sick of hearing "Your disappearing!" I knew I would succeed with weight loss. I am just too stubborn NOT to. Taking away my BIGGEST adversary/crutch (food) actually helped me more than even I would have dreamed. I am not tempted anymore, I don't even get the hunger attacks I did. They came about after a highly stressful day where I "forgot" to eat...my rationale was "Well, I forgot to have lunch so I can have McDonalds."

I went in to check out my bra size...I am STILL a 36D...does anyone else find that strange? I thought the girls would be the first to go. Regardless, I grabbed some push up bras, because they sure have seen perkier days...and hope my ass continues to shrink...I am in a size 12 - 13 pants (haven't seen that size since high school) and I just ordered medium and small dress uniform shirts from work.  

I wish my Mom could see me, she was overweight her whole life and I can remember her telling me at the age of 15 when I asked what the purple stringy looking things on my legs were, "Those are spider veins, Love, our family is predisposed to having big hips...you'll have them too..." I figured I was going to be heavy for the rest of my life. I love you Mom but I am really looking forward to proving her wrong on this one.

 

At work I have a really good friend, his name is (for anonymity sake we’ll call him…) Aaron. Aaron is the desire of MANY women where I work, we are just friends. Aaron listens to me bitch A LOT about things at home and I listen to him (he recently divorced from his wife).   This morning he is in a meeting with a bunch of his underlings and I get a text from him:   Aaron: Hey, some hot blonde just walked past the meeting room. Do you know who she is?   Me: If you don’t know who she is…chances are I won’t know her. Sorry! (I’ve been with the company 1.5 years, he has been here for well over 10)   Aaron: Oh sorry! I didn’t recognize her because she usually looks so sad…   Me: Wait, are you talking about me?!   Aaron: Yep.   Me: OMG, I could kiss you, thank you for the compliment!   Aaron: I meant it! I looked up and this girl caught my eye. A split second later I realized it was you!   Me: Well then, I will kiss you, especially since it wasn’t just a line.   It actually made me smile! Something I have been in short supply of lately.  

Good Morning to all.

Things are good here, great actually. The sun is shining, it's already Thursday and I have been keeping active. A few things have happened in the past week that I wanted to share:

1) Having trouble seeing eye-to-eye with my better half as of late. His insecurity is making me mad. His constant comments (about excess skin on my body and my shrinking boobs) have me seeing red on a near daily basis. I am not sure what to do about this. Any and all suggestions are welcome.

2) I went to see some old friends on the weekend. My one friend and one time neighbour for over 10 years didn't even recognize me. My other neighbour (Who NEVER spoke to me) couldn't stop telling me how good I looked and how I should keep doing "This"  *insert sweeping motion up and down the length of my body*.

3) I saw my brother, who was HIGHLY opposed to the surgery and whom I hadn't seen since Christmas. He took one look at the new me and said "Wow, now I can see why you wanted the surgery...you look great!!" It was great to hear...I missed him.

Other than that...loving One-derland. I am getting lots of attention at work. (What a weird feeling!!) And hoping all of you are doing great too..

This weekend was not what I expected. I have very little patience and very little energy for certain things.

It started Friday afternoon with a co-worker who wants to get out of her current job but refuses to put any time into learning about a new one. She griped that her supervisor would consider enrolling her into classes IF she proved herself by doing a report on something. Seems pretty reasonable to me. Her argument is that She has no time to do it through the day and ABSOLUTELY TOTALLY AND UTTERLY refuses to research on her off time at home. This irritated me because I am a big believer in getting where you want to be in life by working at it, not depending on things being HANDED to you. She thinks because of her age (She's 50) and seniority (been in the same position for 4 years) she should automatically be put in the desired position. I couldn't listen to it any more and told her that she needs to do what is asked of her or stay where she is. I have now been labeled as the bad person. Oh well.

Saturday, I met up with a Facebook friend for lunch. She has had RNY as well (about 2 years ago) and mentioned a few times how her Dr. has told her she needs to stop losing weight. She is about 5'8" and 135lbs. When I saw her, I understood why. She looks skeletal. She has a t-shirt on and jeans and all I could think was I know I want to be thin, but I don't want to look sick. She looked sick. She had 1/2 a hamburger and a Pepsi and I had my soup and we parted ways. I left feeling more depressed than I had in a while.

Sunday, honestly Sunday was the best day. I spent time with my little boy  and shopped with him. I took him wherever he wanted to go. He never asks very much of me so it was an easy trip. We went to an Army surplus store, a bakery and shoe shopping. It was the highlight of my weekend. As soon as I got home again, though, I slumped and felt exhausted. I have to get my energy up somehow.

This is frustrating.

Thanks for reading. This is a great place to vent.

Ok, this is VERY new territory for me.

1) Walking by mirrors or windows I no longer avoid my reflection, I stop and take a look. Pick out a feature that I think looks like it has improved and appreciate the moment. (Lately it has been my butt!!)

2) Being honest with myself: I will not lie to myself if I am having a bad day, or a good day and (again) I stop to appreciate it for what it is, and try to improve on it, or take a mental note so I can look back on it for when the day DOES get tough again.


3) Look around! Life is beautiful! The one thing I have learned from this journey so far I can accomplish anything I put my mind to. I have been! I have tackled some things that I have been terrified to approach for YEARS!!!! I am no longer afraid to pick myself up and dust off.

Overall, I am just loving life.

No complaints about this at all. I weighed in this morning and am at 50% of my excess weight GONE FOREVER. (50% according to the outline they gave me anyway. My goal is a bit loftier I want to be 30lbs lighter than their set goal.)

It feels amazing to be between a size 18 and 16 pants. Feel people looking at me and not immediately assume it is because my ass is huge, but speculate that they are seeing ME. I don't think I look the same. In actuality, I look very much like the girl who was buried is finally emerging.

Love to all!

Sooo, I have tried meat on a few occasions, and for whatever reason (over-chewing consistency, lead-like feeling it leaves in my tummy after I swallow...etc...) It is not appealing to me at all. So I am having a few issues with Protein, as you could imagine. I am going to turn to eggs, maybe egg salad with Greek yogurt...add a bit more protein...all I know is that my Dr. is not going to be happy with me at all. I am trying though...I am NOT eating BAD....I just can't stomach some things.

I decided that I was not going to step on the scale every day, some times that's a hard thing to do, this week I am glad I didn't do it, because I would be going nuts. Or MORE nuts than I am already, because from last Thursday to THIS Thursday the poundage is the same.

I walk DAILY, and go to the gym 2 - 3 times a week to hop on a treadmill. My diet is on track. So I am not going to stress.

I know, when my body is ready, it will adjust. I am not going up, which, let's face it that is what I am USE to seeing the scale do. So, all I can figure is that I've hit an adjusting plateau at 6 weeks post surgery.

Maybe next week when I hop on, it will look different.

 I can't quite explain why I am feeling like this. Last night I was so sick all I could think about was why I had to go through this every couple days. One day things are sitting fine and the next day I'm sicker than a dog! 
It's frustrating when my husband doesn't understand how I get to this point.  All I know is that I can't explain it either.

And for once I am not totally appalled at my hips!

Booyah!