just4Dee
Scared
Mar 12, 2015
I am one month out from my wls and the last few days I am scared. I am scared of messing this up...
I am getting smaller and that is scary in its own way too. I tried to explain to my husband how it feels and he doesn't get it, because he has never deal with this type of weight issue in his life.
My security and excuse blanket is falling away from me and pretty soon it will be just me standing there in front of the mirror.
People are starting to see my loss and only 5 people in my life know I had the surgery, everyone else just thinks I am changing my eating habbits etc.. Which I have been so they are not suprised I am losing and I am doing 95% fantastic with temptaion.
My one manager is telling me all the time how great I look and even noted that I was wearing a necklace (which I don't do often) I said well now I don't feel like I am choaking and she just looked at me funny. I said I would rarley wear necklaces becuase I felt they were too tight around my neck and she made some kind of comment and just made me feel wierd. It is hard to explian things like that to people who have no clue what is like not to be able to clasp a 18" chain around your neck without it feeling like a choaker.
My other manager is trying to be supportive, but he just can't he makes jokes and when I ask him not to eat pizza infront of me, it makes him do it all the more.
This kind of stuff is why I am not sharing my journey with them. You never know what will be said to you.
This weekend will be the first time in about 5 weeks that I seen my friends that I grew up with. We are celebrating a friends birthday and I am not looking forward to it.
I am not worried about the food or going out, it is my friends. She couldn't understand why I wouldn't share what my surgery was for etc... They know I have had fertility problems and several procedures to help (which didn't), so I am keeping it in the girlie issue reason. But she got upset and took it away from me and made it about her, that hurts. And my one friend that I have known for about 37 years, has yet to text, call, email me to see how things went. The last time I heard from her she sent me a message 2 days before surgery about items I bought from her at one of her parties. I am not looking for them to baby me, just show care and respect that I need to do this privately right now.
So as you can see I am very emotional and my head is all over the place.... I will some how keep pushing forward.